


Aurora

by thelonelywolfgirl



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Canon, F/M, Imprinting, Love Triangle, Transformation, Unrequited Love, Werewolf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-03-22 00:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3708367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonelywolfgirl/pseuds/thelonelywolfgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>☾</p><p>Their blood tied them together… Their fates tore them apart…</p><p>Before Leah Clearwater was the fastest and fiercest wolf in the pack, she was just lovesick puppy. Before Emily Young was eternally scarred by her one true love, she was confident and ambitious. Before everything went to hell, they were best friends and loved each other like sisters.</p><p>This is the the story of how all that changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. Those are copyright Stephenie Meyer.
> 
> This is my attempt at fleshing out Emily & Leah's story while still adhering to canon as closely as possible. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's perfect in Leah Clearwater's world. She's madly in love with her boyfriend Sam Uley, and she has her best friend—and cousin—Emily Young at her side. But nothing lasts forever…

**Introduction**  

 _In late October 2004, the Quileute reservation La Push is still quiet, sleepy community; it's not perfect, but it's a happy home for Leah Clearwater and her boyfriend Sam Uley. In Forks, things are starting to change; the Cullens have moved back, but are mostly ignored by the locals, just as they prefer. Bella has not yet arrived, but there are whispers of her approaching arrival._  
  
And there are no werewolves… yet.

 

_Leah_

☾

Tears streamed down my face, and my shoulders were shuddering uncontrollably. It was like I was possessed! I  _couldn't_ stop _laughing_. My stomach hurt, and I clutched at it, but I. Could. Not. Stop. Laughing.

"Are you  _serious_?" I finally managed between giggles.

Emily just cackled, her laughter echoing down the phone line. "Unfortunately, I am. You should've seen her butt. It was  _co-o-o-overed_  in mud."

We both burst into laughter again. Mom shot me a look from her place at the stove, stirring the humongous pot of spaghetti that was steaming in front of her. I angled myself so I could ignore her reprising gaze.

"That's karma for you," Emily said, with a hiccup. "Maybe next time she won't be such a jerk."

"Or at least not wear white jeans to a bush party," I replied.

"A lesson well learned," she finished. I couldn't see her, but I knew she was nodding. She may just be my second cousin, but we were very close, almost like sisters. I could picture her expression with ease, knowing exactly how she'd react or how she'd say a certain thing. Her mannerisms were mirrors of my own.

"Leah," Mom said, leaning over my shoulder so I couldn't ignore her. "Tie up the conversation. The Blacks should be here soon."

I clucked my tongue, and covered the mouth piece for a moment to respond. "Okay,  _fine,_ " I said, before returning to my conversation with Emily. "Mom says I gotta go. She's invited Billy and Jacob over again for dinner."

Emily sighed. "Alright. Wanna chat after dinner? I'll be home tonight because I've got homework to finish, and I'd love a distraction."

I laughed again, but it quickly faltered. "Actually… I can't…"

"Ah, I see," she said, immediately picking up my meaning even though I hadn't really said anything.  "Sam, right?"

I nodded, knowing she could guess just as easily what I was doing. "Yeah, we're going to hang out tonight."

In my head, I could see Emily smirking. "Still going strong, eh?" she teased.

"Yeah," I said. My tone turned dreamy involuntarily, and I felt my cheeks heat up. "Still going strong. He even—"

" _Leah_." Mom's voice had hit that stern note that meant this was not a negotiation. "Get off the phone! I can see Jacob pulling up now!"

"Okay!" I called back. "Alright, I really, really need to go. I'll call you tomorrow at breakfast, okay?"

“Okie doke,” Emily said, her tone still cheery… but I could hear the twinge of disappointment. "Talk to you later, sister."

"I miss you!" Even though it only took a couple of hours to drive between La Push and Neah Bay, it was still too much space between us.

"I miss you, too."

As I hung up the phone, my mom opened the door to let Jacob and Billy Black in from the cold. Jacob pushed Billy's chair back and forth on the carpet in front of the door to get all the mud off before wheeling him in; it was—as it nearly always was—raining hard outside. Summer had officially come to a close, and the clouds of the winter had already settled in.

"Hey Leah," Jacob said with a nod when he saw me. "How's it going?"

"Fine," I replied stiffly, taking him in. That kid seemed to grow an inch every time I saw him. Soon he'd be as tall as Sam. "How are you? And you, Billy?"

"Same ol', same ol'," Billy answered for them both. He wheeled himself past me, into the kitchen; Jacob was heading in the opposite direction, down the hall… probably looking for Seth. "But I am looking forward to Sue's famous spaghetti. And is that garlic bread I smell?"

It was; the kitchen was rich with its buttery smell, and it made my mouth water. I had been so involved in my conversation with Emily, I hadn't even realized I was hungry. Now that I thought about it, I was ravenous. It felt like I was hungry all the time now, and I never knew why. Maybe it was because I had been running a lot more; I was trying to keep up my momentum from summer, so I didn't get lazy and soft when the winter rain moved in.

But the hunger made me think of something; I had forgotten to ask earlier, so engrossed in my call with Emily… "Mom," I started, making sure my usually sharp voice was sweeter. She noticed the change in my tone, and eyed me from the side, suspicious. "Could I invite Sam to join us?"

The look on her face was the picture of reluctance—pursed lips, tight brow—but it was only a tense moment before she answered. "Alright," she sighed. "But we're not waiting! Tell him to hurry!"

A smile broke across my face and I turned back to the house phone, quickly dialling his number, which I had easily memorized by now.

Sam picked up after a few rings. "Hello?"

"Hey," I breathed, my voice gone husky without meaning to.

"Oh, hey, Leah," he replied. He sounded happy, which made me smile. "What's up? We're still on for tonight, yeah?"

"Of course!" I said, quickly; I didn't want him to think I was calling to cancel our plans. "I was just wondering if you've had dinner yet."

"Nah, not yet. I was just thinking about making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich… Mom's at work late tonight." It was just him and his mom, and I knew that if she wasn't there, he wouldn't eat a proper meal.

"Well, my mom made lots of spaghetti because the Blacks are over. You're welcome to come and join us… I mean, if you like…" We've been dating since sophomore year, but even now I felt the pang of insecurity.

"I'd love to," he said, without hesitation, refuting all my insecurities. He always said yes, he never turned me away… So I didn't know why I always worried that he someday would.

My heart thumped eagerly in my chest. "Great," I said, my voice breathy and soft again. "We're starting soon though, so you should come here, like,  _now_."

"Roger that. I'll be right there. Love you." And with that he hung up the phone.

It took me a moment to hang up the phone myself. I was still reeling from his last words.  _Love you._ It felt like my heart had started doing the Quileute wolf dance in my chest. I had never gotten used to how good those two words felt to hear.  _Love you._  I replayed it in my head.  _Love you. Love you._ "Love you too," I muttered under my breath, even though the call was long over.

Just then, Seth came tearing into kitchen and bumped into me, causing me to stumble.

"Dammit, Seth!" I snapped. "Don't run in the house! I don't know how many times Mom's told you that!"

He stuck his tongue out at me and began walking very, very slowly towards the table. Jacob laughed at the sight of it as he followed him into the kitchen, and sat at the table next to him. Billy was already pushed in at the edge, patiently waiting.

Dad came in then, shaking off the rain like a dog. "Well, what a nice surprise to come home to!" he said, spotting the growing crowd around the table. He stopped briefly to give Mom a kiss, and then went and sat next to Billy. They two of them began to chat cheerfully, mostly about Council business; Jacob and Seth were like mirrors of them, younger versions, deep in conversation, but about some stupid TV show.

The doorbell rang. I tore myself away from the scene to run to the door, even though it was within sight. Sam was here already, waiting politely on the doorstep. It wasn't so surprising; La Push was small. I flung open the door and stepped out onto the leaky porch so we could share an embrace away from prying eyes.

He wrapped his large arms around me and held me tightly. I breathed in the earthy, addictive scent of him. I couldn't get enough of it; I had even stolen a shirt or two of his, so that I could have a ready supply of his intoxicating smell. When he finally released me, I pouted for a moment… before I realized it was because he wanted to kiss me.

First, he shot a furtive glance at the door, and then to the kitchen window, to make sure we weren't being watched. Then he dipped down and pressed his soft, dusty-rose lips to mine. It was sweet… literally. It seemed he had eaten a peanut butter jelly sandwich anyway, and I could taste a bit of the raspberry jam that lingered on his lips. It lasted one, deliriously perfect moment before he pulled away. I understood why we had to stop—we couldn't exactly sit on the porch and make out while my family was eating dinner—but I was still sad to have it end.

"Hey," he said finally, his hot breath brushing against my neck, staring deep into my eyes.

" _Hey_ ," I echoed.

We came together for another quick, gentle kiss, before I took his hand and lead him into the house. Everyone was already serving themselves… We quickly joined the table, squeezing in between Mom and Seth, so we didn't miss out on any of the food.

After everyone had gotten an even share of the spaghetti and a piece of garlic bread, Mom turned to Billy. "So, did you hear what Charlie was talking about all over Forks?" she asked.

Billy took a moment to finish chewing his garlic bread. "Poor fella is getting ahead of himself," Billy said in his gruff, no-nonsense voice. "I don't care what he  _says…_  I'll believe it when I see her actually set foot in Forks."

"Hey, now," Mom replied. "How are you so sure she's not coming?"

"What're you talking about?" Seth butted in.

No one reprimanded him; that was just how Seth was. "Charlie Swan is all worked up because he thinks his daughter Isabella is going to come and live with him," Billy answered.

"The one who lives in Phoenix?" Jacob asked. "I thought she hated it here. She doesn't even visit anymore."

"Yeah, she makes poor Charlie meet her in  _California_  if he wants to see her," Billy said, shaking his head. He obviously did not approve of such behaviour; I couldn't say I blamed her. If I had the choice between Washington and California, I'd happily choose California. "Anyway, it probably will never happen. She's just like her mother… A real talent at stringing that poor man along. She'll probably change her mind at the last minute and break his heart.  _Again_."

Mom looked displeased with Billy's premature judgement. She was an optimist; to her, people were good until proven otherwise. "I guess we'll see," she said, pragmatically. "When she's supposed to come?"

"Next term. January," Billy said. "We'll see. You going fishing next weekend, Harry?"

With that the conversation fractured again, breaking into separate pockets of discussion. Billy and Dad talked fish, and Mom and I talked about school while my patient Sam got sucked into a conversation about zombies with Seth and Jacob. He was so good with people. I put my hand on his knee beneath the table, as a quiet sign of affection. His placed his rough, warm hand over mine and squeezed. I noticed it was a little warmer than usual, but he was always a little hot… In more ways than one.

After dinner and dessert—vanilla ice cream with butterscotch drizzle—the rest of the party moved to the living room to watch the game. Sam and I stayed in the kitchen, at the table, to talk.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked, thinking about the evening ahead. Sometimes he'd come for runs with me, but it was too miserable out to consider that. Maybe we'd borrow Dad's truck and go down to the general store, or just drive around and listen to the radio.

Sam shrugged, and smiled at me… but I could tell that there was something bothering him. His jaw was tight, as it always was when he was struggling with something internally; I could see the muscles bulge in his cheeks. "I dunno," he said at last. "Something quiet. I think I might be coming down with something."

"Oh?" I asked, concerned. Reflexively, I reached out and touched his arm—and immediately drew my hand away. He was much warmer than it had been during dinner… His skin was so hot, that for a second I thought that I might get burned. "Sam! You're burning up!"

"Am I?" he said, sounding surprised. "I don't feel… hot. But I do feel odd."

I touched his face, running the back of my hand against the sharp angle of his cheekbone… it, too, was ridiculously warm.  _What was wrong with him?_  I fretted.

Worried that it might be food poisoning, I glanced over my shoulder at my family and the rest of our guests. They didn't seem to be sick… they were all laughing, joking and cheering like nothing could possibly be wrong.

"Maybe it was the ice cream," I said, thinking aloud. "You know how you sometimes get an upset stomach if you have too much dairy…"  _But that wouldn't explain his fever._

"Maybe…" he said, placing his own palm on his forehead, trying to feel the heat for himself. "Maybe I should go home tonight. I'm sorry, I just don't feel right."

My heart sank, but what could I do? "Yeah, you should," I said softly. "Go home and rest up. I'll call and check up on you later."

He just nodded and stood up from the table. It was barely noticeable, but I saw him sway ever so slightly, so I hovered closed to him as I lead him to the door, fearful he might collapse.

"You know, you should get a ride from someone," I worried as he put on his coat. "I don't want you going out alone."

Sam shook his head. "No, it's okay. It's not far. And the rain will probably feel good." He shuddered suddenly, which didn't exactly make me feel confident that he was okay to go on his own.

"I'll walk with you," I insisted, pulling on my dad's raincoat and shoving my feet into my mom's waterproof gardening shoes.

Sam tried to refute me. "You don't have to…" he started, but stopped when I gave him one of my looks; Mom always said that I could stop a falling meteor with my glare.

I helped him into his coat and stayed close to him as we slipped outside. I called over my shoulder to my family to let them know that I'd be back in a bit, and we ventured out into the rain. Sam sighed as the rain fell on him; the coolness must feel relieving. I half expected to see steam billowing off of him when the cool rain hit his impossibly hot skin. I held tight onto his hand, even though it was uncomfortably warm. I wanted him to know that he had me if he needed me.

It was a short, silent walk; we soon reached his small, one story home, its sky blue paint chipped and flaking. He stopped at the end of the walk to his door, and turned to me.

"Thank you for dinner," he said; his voice sounded strange, wavery, which worried me even more. "And for walking me home."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" I asked. "I could come in and make you some tea, or get you some medicine, or…"

He shook his head again, his overly long hair flicking droplets of rain around. "No, that's okay. I'll be okay. Mom will probably be home soon. I appreciate the offer, though."

I nodded, feeling helpless, but I knew Sam had always been the suffer-in-silence type. "I'll call you tomorrow morning, to see how you are," I said, after a short pause.

A small smile broke across his usually cool expression. "Okay," he said. "Thanks, again. Love you, Lee-lee." He reached up and brushed his finger against my cheek, then turned away and headed into his house.

I tried to let the warm feeling of hearing him say those words overtake the strange knot of worry that had twisted my up stomach. I hoped he was going to be okay.

☾


	2. Omen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah takes a feverish Sam to the hospital, where they meet a strange doctor.

☾

_Leah_

Dad's old truck made far too much noise. It rattled, hissed, and clunked, obliterating the peace of the stretch of forest road that lead to Sam's. I saw birds burst forth from the bushes, scared away by the roar of its engine. Most days, I'd be irritated that I couldn't hear the music on the radio over this noise, but today I was thankful for it. Today, if I had quiet, I knew my imagination would be running wild churning out worse and worse theories about Sam’s health.

I had called him this morning, and he had said he was doing better… but then I heard his mother yelp in the background, exclaiming that he felt like he was on fire. I decided then that I needed to check up on him in person, despite his protests that he was fine. Sam would say he was fine even there was a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his side, so I didn't trust his assertion.

The growling of the engine drowned out any sound my phone made, but I feel it buzz on the seat next to me. Even without looking at the screen I knew it was Emily, but I waited until my dad's truck was parked in front of Sam's to actually look at the message.

 **_Emily:_ ** _How's Sam?_

For one sweet moment, my fears were chased back and I couldn't help but smile at the screen. What a good sister she was, texting to check up on my boyfriend. Last night, after I had returned home I called her to talk about Sam's strange fever. She had listened patiently as she always did, and told me to stop worrying so much… Talking to Emily had helped, for a while at least. The next morning my worries were back with a vengeance.

Thankfully I had remembered to refill my phone minutes so I could text her back, though we'd probably burn through my supply in no time. Oh well.

I tapped out a response.  ** _Leah:_** _Haven't seen him yet, just arrived @ his place. I'll let u kno. <3_

I flipped my phone closed, slid it into the pocket of my coat, then hopped out of the truck's cab. His mom's car was still parked in the drive, which was surprising; usually she’d be at work already. Something about that small detail made my heart start racing, and worry began to surge through me once more.

I wanted to make sure all was well in the Uley household, so I wasted no time making my way to the door. My nerves were electric, and my foot was already tapping impatiently before I had even knocked on the door. Thankfully, Sam's mom, Allison Uley, answered quickly.

She looked slightly strained, but she  _always_  looked kind of strained because of work. "Oh, hi Leah!" she said, forcing a smile to her face. "I'm glad you're here. Maybe  _you_  can talk some sense into my son."

“H-huh?” I stuttered, too startled to remember to return her greeting.

She didn't respond, just waved me inside. I followed after her to the living room. Sam was lying on the couch, with a damp washcloth placed on his head, and a bulbous piece of plastic clutched between his lips. His mother walked over to him and plucked it out of his mouth.

Allison clucked her tongue, her eyes wide. “It's 108° degrees  _again_. This thing must be broken…”

I stifled a gasp. It was a shocking number, even though I knew it was impossible; humans  _die_  if their temperatures go over 106° and Sam was still very much alive. In fact, he didn’t look any worse than he had the day before. He mostly just looked annoyed.

“See?” he said, his apparent annoyance leaking into his voice. “I  _told_  you it was broken. It's nothing, I swear, just a flu or something.” He rolled his eyes.

She scowled back at him before turning to me. “Leah, tell him he needs to go checked out at the hospital.”

“The hospital?” I repeated, dumbly. "Couldn't he just go see Jennifer at the clinic?" Jennifer was La Push's resident doctor who ran a small clinic out of her house.

"Jennifer is swamped today," Allison said. "I already called her. Is your mom working there today? If she's home, she could just come check on him…"

Mom worked at the clinic too, as a nurse. But not today… "Unfortunately she's gone shopping with my aunt Lydia in Port Angeles today…"

"Darn," Allison said with a sigh. "I guess the hospital is the only option, then."

Sam ignored her and raised himself up onto his elbows to look at me; the washcloth slid off his face, landing on his chest with a wet plop. “Don't even humor her, Leah. Mom's just making a big deal out a broken thermometer. I’m still kinda feverish, but I can handle that. It's fine.”

His mother shook her head with every word he spoke. "It's  _not_  fine. I gave you a fever reducer and it’s done  _nothing_. I don't want to wait on this, I want you to see a doctor as soon as possible, Samuel Michael Uley!”

His eyes turned serious. “A trip to the emergency room would be expensive. Do you think our insurance will cover it?”

I could see her jaw clench, but she dismissed his objection with a wave of her hand. “It should be fine.”

He paused for a moment, and then tilted his head in a way that I recognized immediately… He looked irresistibly cute when he did that, and he  _knew_  it, so it meant only one thing: he was aiming for her weak spot. “Is it worth you missing  _work_?” I watched her stiffen; everyone who had met Allison knew that she hated to miss work.

But just as a smile crossed his face, like he was sure he had won, there was a sudden flash in her eye that quickly wiped his smirk away. “Oh, you're right; I can’t miss work… but I'm sure  _Leah_  will take you, right, Leah?”

I froze like a deer in the headlights as they both turned to look at me.

“Leah,” his mother said. “Would you please drive my son to the hospital? I know you have your dad's truck, I heard it when you arrived.”

A lump in my throat prevented me from answering right away. I had to swallow hard to push it down and regain my ability to speak. “Uh, well, uh, yeah, but that's because I have to run errands in Forks today for him…”

“Perfect! Then it'll be on your way."

Sam shook his head at me, a silent urging to resist her.

I didn't know what to say. "Well… If he wants to go…"

"I  _insist_ , Leah,” his mother said; her sharp, intense gaze — so much like her son's — seemed to bore into me. “Could you please do me this favour? Please?”

I knew what she was doing; she knew that I couldn't possibly say no to  _her_ , the mother of my boyfriend. “O-okay.” 

Sam groaned in defeat, but said nothing.

"Great!" she chirped, clapping her hands. "I'm going to grab my bag, and then I'll help you get him into your truck." She slipped from the room and headed down the short hall into her bedroom.

As soon as she was out of earshot, I went to Sam's side. "Sorry," I whispered, resting my hand on his. Just like yesterday, it was flaming hot; I tried to keep it there for as long as I could, but it was so warm that eventually I had to retract it.

A small smile pulled at his lips. "It's okay," he sighed, picking up the damp washcloth from his chest and wiping his face with it. "I know you tried. It's hard to say no to her. She's a warrior!"

I tried to smile back, but I wasn't sure I succeeded. He had forgiven me, but I felt a pang of guilt all the same; he didn't know that I was more than happy to give into his mother's demands. The truth was, I  _wanted_  him to go to the doctor, just as much as she did. Even if he  _seemed_  fine, even if the thermometer  _was_  busted, I had never felt someone get so hot from a fever before. It worried me.

His mother came thundering back into the room. "Okay, kids! Time to go!"

I dodged out of the way as Sam sat up and swung his legs off the couch. I saw him shudder, almost imperceptibly, before he stood, and once again worry clutched at my heart. I stayed close to him as we left the house, just in case. His mother followed after us as I lead him to the car. She reached out to help him, but he held his hand up to stop her.  

"I'm fine," he said for the millionth time. He pulled himself up into the passenger side of the truck with seeming ease, but I saw him shudder again as he settled into the seat.

His mom gave him one last searching look before turning to me. "Take care of him, Leah," she said. Her usually playful tone was gone, her voice was now cool and hard, like stone.

"I will," I said, trying hard to make sure my own voice didn't shake.

She touched my shoulder, then headed towards her own car. I watched her get in, then inhaled deeply before I went to the driver's side of my truck.

Sam turned to look at me as I climbed into the truck. "It's nice and cool today," he said. 

"I-Is it?" I muttered. Today was actually surprisingly warm and dry for October, but I didn't correct him; his fever must make it  _seem_  cool. Instead I just focussed on pulling away from the curb and heading down the street. As I reached a stop sign, I checked my rearview mirror like I always did… and saw his mother's car right behind us.

"Is… isn't she going to work?" I asked. Her work was in the  _opposite_  direction.

Sam glanced at her car in the passenger side mirror, then scoffed. "She probably wants to make sure we actually go to the hospital instead of doubling back home."

"Oh," is all I manage to say. If I wasn't so concerned myself, that would be exactly what we would've done. Instead I slowly pulled away from the stop sign and took a right. His mother followed after us.

The rest of our drive passed in silence… well, relative silence, aside from the thundering of the truck. It's noise didn't seem to bother Sam though; he just leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. As worry gnawed at my heart, I wished I had a chance to text Emily for reassurance again, but I didn't dare do it while I was driving.

Twenty minutes later we arrived in Forks; it looked like a ghost town, but it usually did on Saturday mornings. Even though there were no other drivers on the road — aside from his mom, who was still on our tail — I still stopped at each intersection before turning onto B Street and continuing on to Bogachiel Way towards the hospital.

The parking lot was nearly empty, so I was able to park the truck in a spot near the ER's double sliding doors. His mother pulled up in the spot next to us.

As I got out of the truck, she rolled down the passenger side window. "Leah!" she called.

I went to her car and leaned in the open window. "Yes?"

She held out a packet of papers to me. "Here, it's our insurance information. It should be all in there. If you need anything else, just tell them to call me on my cell. It's in there too."

I nodded, and took the papers from her. Did we really need all of this? "Will do."

"Okay, now I gotta get to work. Let me know how it goes!" She gave me one last smile before she rolled up the window and drove away.

I turned back to the truck, about to go to the passenger side and help Sam out, but he was already standing there, leaning against the door. Maybe it was the contrast between his copper skin and the pale green of the truck, but he looked rather flushed. Worry began it's chewing again.

"Come on," I said, holding my hand out to him. "Let's get you inside."

He took my hand — his palm is still fiercely warm — and we headed towards the ER. Inside, the waiting room was just as dead as the parking lot. That was a good sign; we wouldn't have to wait long.

Sam leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Now's your chance! We can make a break for it!"

I shook my head, letting my long hair playfully whip at his face. "Nope! You know your mom… she'll probably call the hospital to make sure you checked in."

"You're probably right," he sighed, then went and threw himself down onto the waiting room seats. It was then that I noticed how truly big he was… Of course I knew he was tall, but it was so apparent when he sat on the small chairs. As he spread out he took up at least five of them. How was he  _still_  growing?

I shook my head, trying to focus on the task at hand. "I'm going to go check you in."

I approached the front desk. There was a single nurse stationed there, an older one with white, curled hair and rosy cheeks that stood out against her pale, wrinkly skin. She looked up from the computer as she heard me approach, but when she caught sight of me, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

I knew what those eyes meant, and I fought back the urge to scowl right back.

"Can I help you?" she said, her voice sweet, but I could hear the accusation in them.  _You don't belong here._

I ignored her rudeness, and forced my face into a smile. "My boyfriend has a really high fever and his mom wanted to have him checked out."

"Do you have insurance?" she asked, her eyebrow raising.

My teeth ground together for a moment. "Yes, of course." I handed over the packet of papers his mom had given us. Now I understand why she had given us  _everything_.

She looked over the pages and then typed something into the computer. Her mouth twitched into a frown for a moment, but quickly snapped back. "It all seems to be in order," she said, and there was a note of surprise in her voice.  _Bitch!_  "How high is his fever?"

"We… We don't really know. The thermometer was broken or something, because it said 108°… but that's impossible."

The nurse dropped her mega-bitch act and looked genuinely surprised. "Indeed! Well, we'll have someone see you very soon. Would you like an ice pack?"

"That would be great," I said, giving her my scariest smile.

She frowned at me as she handed it over. "Please have a seat."

I purposefully didn't thank her, and went back over to join Sam, handing him the ice pack.

"Yikes, this thing is so cold!" he said, juggling it, like it was painful to touch.

"It's not so bad," I said. "Here, it'll be better if we wrap it in my coat." I slid my coat off and bundled it around the ice back, and then held it to his head.

"Mmm, yeah, that's a lot better," Sam said, easing back into the chairs. I smiled as he closed his eyes again. He looked so cute when he wasn't trying to be Mr. Tough Guy.

Suddenly he jolted in his seat. "Gah, it buzzed! Your coat buzzed on my face!"

"Oh! I forgot my phone in there."

I fished it out of the pocket and handed him the bundle back. He relaxed again, pressing it to his face, as I checked my messages. Emily had texted again:

 **Emily:**   _How goes it?_

I quickly responded.  **Leah:**   _Sam still has a fever and his mom forced us to go to the ER._

Only a few seconds pass before her reply arrives. **Emily:** _Oh no! I'm sure he'll be fine though. He's tough._

I smiled.  **Leah:**   _Yeah he is. ;) I hope your right tho—_

But before I could send the message, a strange, smooth voice came from behind us. "Samuel Uley?"

Sam started next to me, and we both turn to see who had beckoned him.

It was the doctor, but I had never seen him before… I was sure I would remember if I had, because he was unlike doctor I had ever seen. He looked like a Hollywood actor playing the part of a doctor in a movie… He was impeccably clean and styled, and all his clothes — including his white coat — were spotless and pressed in a way that seemed unnatural. His golden hair was pushed back in a way that looked effortless yet sculpted, and his face was like carved marble, the perfect planes of his features coming together in almost angelic beauty. But it was his skin that stood out the most… His skin was flawlessly smooth and impossibly white.

Deep inside me, there was a distant rumble, like a peal of thunder, or a  _growl_. I felt Sam stiffen next to me, and when I turned to look at him, his expression startled me. His face was tight, clenched, like he was struggling to hold something back.

 _Is he going to puke?_  I wondered.

The doctor didn't seem to notice either of our strange reactions. "I'm Dr. Cullen," he said, just smiling at us. "I hear you have a bad fever."

"Yeah," Sam grumbled, standing. I noticed another shudder as it rippled through him.

"Well, you seem well enough to stand, so that's a good sign," Dr. Cullen said, still smiling. "Why don't you follow me, and we'll get you checked out?" He half-turned towards the doors that lead to the inner halls of the ER, and held his hand out as an invitation.

Sam nodded, and headed over to him; I followed.

"Is it okay if I come? I'm not family or anything… I'm just his girlfriend."

Dr. Cullen's smile only seemed to spread wider as his eyes turned to rest on me. "I won't tell anyone. Are you from one of the reserves?"

I nod. "La Push."

Dr. Cullen seemed to pause for a fraction of a second and then nodded. He stepped aside so we could pass through the doors. After we walked in, he breezed past us so he could lead. As he passed, an incredible scent hit me; it was like flowers and honey… Sweet and intoxicating, to the point of almost sickening.

 _Is that him?_  I thought, rubbing at my nose. The smell kind of burned my nostrils. I didn't like it. _What a strange colonge…_

Though I was tempted to explore the mystery of the scent, my attention was soon turned back to Sam; as he walked ahead of me, I could see the muscles on his back twitching. I reached out and gently touched him, just to remind him know that I was still here, that I was here for  _him_. I could feel his extreme heat even through the t-shirt he was wearing. 

Suddenly, I was struck by how odd this all was. Everything about this seemed so  _surreal_.

Dr. Cullen stopped beside a nearby empty bed. Wordlessly, Sam headed over and hopped up on it. His expression had intensified, his brows folded deeply over his near-black eyes, his gaze is fixed on the floor, determined and steely, his jaw clenched tight; he looked almost  _angry_.

"Okay, so I'll start by taking your temperature," Dr. Cullen said, ignoring Sam's scowl. He produced a thin plastic tool that looked sort of like a pen from inside his coat. He popped on a disposable plastic end then held it out to Sam.

Sam opened his mouth without looking at the Doctor, slid it under his tongue, then closed it again.

"Hold it in place for at least thirty seconds," the Doctor advised, and looked down at this gold watch on his wrist, something that looked strangely old fashioned. I couldn't help but think there was something kind of off about him, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

The thermometer beeped after thirty very tense seconds had passed. Dr. Cullen looked up from his watch and took it out of Sam's mouth. As he checked the reading, his usually cool expression faltered. " _Oh_."

"What's the matter?" I asked.

Dr. Cullen's perfect face fluctuated ever so slightly, before setting into a calm, stone-like mask. "This… It's… It's nothing. This must be broken is all." He pressed a button on it and cleared the result, not telling us what it was. "I'll need to go get another one. Pardon me." He started to head away, but then stopped.

"You said you were from La Push, didn't you?" he asked, turning back to us.

"Yes." Sam answered for the both of us, but his growly tone seems to alarm the doctor. He nodded and then hurried away.

As soon as the doctor was out of sight, I try to break the tense atmosphere. "Man, you're breaking all the thermometers today, huh? Maybe you're developing some kind of lame super power."

Sam ignored my joke and turned to me. "I need to get out of here," he growled. His eyes were like smouldering coals.

"Huh?" I blinked at him. "The doctor said he'd be right back… He still needs to take your temperature!"

"No," Sam snarled. "We need to leave  _now_." He didn't even wait for my response, he just leapt off the bed and started for the double doors.

"Sam!" I hissed in a whisper, trailing helplessly after him. "Sam! Come back!" 

But he didn't. He didn't even turn to look at me. We rush through the waiting room, the receptionist looking confused and worried as Sam and I tore past her. I couldn't even catch up until we were outside.

"Sam!" I reached out and grabbed his arm; he felt even hotter, somehow. "What are you doing? We have to go back!"

"I can't go back in there."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't!" he barked. I leapt back in surprise, my eyes wide. Sam had never taken that tone with me before, and it was frightening.

As he looked at me, and saw my horrified expression, his face softened into remorse. "I'm sorry, Leah. I… I don't feel… right. I feel really weird."

"That's why we should go back inside," I say slowly, my voice low. 

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. His hair tossed back and forth. "No. No, I can't. I want to go home. I just need to go… home."

"Sam, _no_. I'm worried…"

His eyes snapped open and locked onto mine. "Please," he said. His voice was shaking, his eyes pleading. "Please, Lee-lee? I want to go home." 

My heart seized in my chest. I couldn't say no to _that_ face. I couldn't. But I fought the urge to give in, because it was so clear that Sam needed help. "I'm not going to take you home," I said, my voice razor sharp, but then it softened. "But we don't have to stay here. I am going to take you to Jennifer's clinic instead, okay?"

He just looked at me for a moment. "Okay," he said finally.

I lead him back to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for him. He climbed in and leaned his head back against the seat. I hurried to the driver's side and hopped in, not wanting to waste another second.

Something seriously strange is going on with Sam.

I was in such a hurry I managed to make it back to La Push in fifteen minutes rather than the regular twenty. The truck skidded as I pulled into the rough, gravel parking lot beside Jennifer's house and clinic. Barey waiting for the truck to settle, I leapt out of the car and rushed to Sam's side. I yanked open the door, and pulled on his wrist. He sleepily raised his head, and then took my lead, sliding out of the truck again.

"How are you feeling?" I pressed, as I led him towards the front door.

"Still weird," he mumbled. "I could really go for a walk… Or a run…" I caught him looking longingly at the woods that were only a short distance behind Jennifer's house.

 _Is he sliding into fevered delusions?_  I worried.  _That's not good._ I walked faster, urged on by my fear. He followed obediently behind.

As we burst into the small waiting room, I saw Allison had been right. The clinic was crawling with people. There was a family, with five kids, who all looked like they had some kind of rash; a woman who I couldn't tell if she was either a little pregnant or a lot bloated; and Old Quil was there, with his daughter in law Joy. There was a single seat open next to him, so I led Sam over to sit.

"Hey," Joy said happily as we approached, but her cheerful demeanour faltered as she noticed my surely grim expression and Sam's poor health. "What brings you guys here?"

"Sam has a fever," I said, stiffly, trying to keep up my tough act as I hovered over them. "We knew this place was busy, so we went to the hospital, but Sam… didn't like it there."

Joy's smile returned a little. "Old Quil hates the hospital now too! Won't say why, just refuses to go…"

"I have my reasons," Old Quil said, but he wasn't looking at either of us; his gaze was fixed on Sam who looked like he was trying to sleep with his head leaned against the wall.

"I'm sure you do, dad," Joy said, and covertly rolled her eyes. "By that's why we're here to get his weekly check up on his blood pressure."

"Oh right," I said. I was about to ask Quil why how he was feeling, but my phone erupted in my pocket, it's tinny ring echoing through the waiting room. For a moment, I wondered why Emily would be  _calling_  me, but when I pulled the phone out, I saw it was my house number.

 _Crap. It's probably Dad to call to see where I was._ I had to answer. "Hello?"

"Leah," It was Dad alright, and he sounded irritated. "Where are you? I thought you were going to be back  _before_  lunch." 

"I… I had to take Sam to the hospital." I tried to be quiet so I didn't disturb the other people in the waiting room.

But it was no use, Dad couldn't understand me if I spoke low. "What's that about Sam? You can  _walk_  and see him when you get back. I need the truck to go fishing with Charlie Swan!"

"Hold on," I mumbled and put my hand over the microphone to muffle it. "Can you watch Sam for a moment, Joy? I need to talk to my dad."

"Of course," Joy said. "Tell Harry I said 'hi',"

I smiled thankfully and darted out of the clinic. "Dad? Still there?"

"Yes," he said, sounding even more annoyed. "What is going on? Where are you?"

"Sam has a really bad fever, and his mom asked me to take him to the hospital in Forks," I said, very quickly. "But it was… too busy," I winced at the lie, "so now we're at Jennifer's clinic. I don't know how long I'll be."

Dad is quiet for a moment. "Why couldn't his mom take him?"

"She had work."

Dad just sighed. "Alright, I understand, that does sound important. I just wish you would've told me. I need the truck back. Can you… leave Sam for a minute? You could come home and then  _I_  can drive you back and drop you off. I'm sure you'll find someone to drive you back. Call Jacob if you need to, he can borrow the car I'm sure."

"Maybe," I replied. That could work, if Joy was willing to stay with Sam for a little bit longer. "I have to check with Joy, she's here with Old Quil, and she's with Sam now. She says 'hi', by the way."

Dad gave a short chuckle. "Tell her 'hi' back, then, and let me know. I'll be waiting for your call." He hung up without saying bye. He  _always_  forgot to say bye.

I put my phone away and headed back into the clinic. Sam, Old Quil, and Joy were right where I left them and the large family are absent, likely called in. Joy perked up when she spotted me.

"Dad says hi," I started. "And… do you think… you could stay with Sam a little bit longer? My dad needs the truck back, and he wants me to drive it home. He'll drop me off on his way out of town, but I have to leave for a little bit."

"Of course!" Joy said, her voice cheerful. "Do you guys have a ride home? I'd be happy to drive you back afterwards."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Old Quil's face twitch slightly at the offer. I just ignored it, but it left me with a strange feeling. "That'd be great, actually. Thank you so much. I owe you a coffee or something."

"No, no," she said and waved off my thanks. "It's my pleasure. Drive safe!"

"Thank you," I repeated, and then rushed out of the clinic again. I hopped back in the truck and sped out, heading straight home.

Dad was waiting for me on the doorstep as I arrived. He even had his tackle box and pole already in his hands. He didn't say anything as I turned the truck off, he just walked over and put his things in the back, and then sauntered over to the driver's side. I scooched over as he opened the door, giving him the wheel.

"How's Sam doing?" Dad said at last, once he was settled. His hand rested on the ignition, waiting for my response before we'd both be drowned out my the roar of the engine.

"Okay," I said.

I was trying to be strong, but Dad must've seen something in my face, because he offered me a rare smile. "He'll be okay, Leah. He's a tough kid. It's just a fever, isn't it? Don't worry. "

It was nice to hear, but something about what Dad said triggered something inside me. I was suddenly overcome with the fear that has been hovering around me all day. Stinging tears sprung to my eyes, and it took all I had to barely manage a nod.

The truck grumbled to life, and Dad pulled out back onto the road. It was a short drive to Jennifer's clinic, but as we got nearer, I noticed Joy and Jennifer were was standing outside. They looked like they were calling for someone. Did one of the kids run off? Seth had done that when he was six, when we had gone in for vaccinations… He broke free of Dad's grip and run out onto the road. He hated needles. We still had a good laugh at that memory.

But the closer we got, I just knew it wasn't a kid that had ran away… I could see the expressions on their faces. They didn't look amused, they looked frantic. They were shouting someone's name. I couldn't hear it over the roar of the engine, but something cold and fearful rose in me all the same.

The vehicle had barely stopped before I launched myself out. I ran up to Joy, and when she saw me, her face fell into a apologetic grimace.

"What's the matter?" I demanded, grabbing Joy's hand. "What happened?"

"It's Sam," she said, her voice quivering with emotion. "Sam's  _gone_. Five minutes after you left he doubled over and just started moaning, then he leapt up and ran out of the waiting room. I tried to go after him but—"

"What?" I gasped. "Where'd he go?"

Joy shook her head. "I don't know… He was gone by the time I got out here. I have no idea where he went."

I released Joy and began turning in circles, searching for him even though he was already long gone. "Sam!  _Sam!_  SAM!"

"What's going on?" I heard Dad ask from behind us.

"S-Sam's run off, a-and he has a f-fever," I choked out, and I realized I had started crying. Using the cuff of my sweater, I tried to wipe away the tears that were streaming down my face. Dad rushed over to me and put his arm around me. I hugged him back tightly, holding onto him like he was the last piece of wreckage from a sunken ship and I was flailing, helplessly, in the middle of the ocean.

A sudden howl pierced through the quiet, emanating from the woods behind the clinic. I shuddered and burrowed deeper into my Dad's arms. Something like that had to be a bad omen.

☾


	3. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily tries to cheer up her distraught cousin Leah after her boyfriend Sam suddenly goes missing.

☾

_Emily_

My purple pen tapped out a quick, racing beat on my desk. I was trying my best to finish my chemistry homework, but I couldn't concentrate. Every time I tried to focus on the problems on the worksheet we had been given, my mind would wander back to what was happening in La Push, and to my cousin Leah.

I was concerned about her. Auntie Sue had called yesterday to ask if Leah had said anything  _worrying_ to me. "She hasn't said anything about...  _leaving_  has she? Or hurting herself?" she had asked, her voice shaking ever so slightly.

The question had stunned me into silence so it took me a moment to reply. "No, no she hasn't. Has she said anything to  _you_?"

"N-no," Auntie Sue had replied. "She doesn't say much... she just cries."

I knew that was true. Whenever I called to check up on her, our conversations had always been drowned out by her tears. And we didn't talk about anything else but Sam, her recently missing boyfriend. It had been week and a half, and there had been no word or sign of him. I would never mention this to Leah, but I knew it wasn't looking good.

I flipped my pen around and jabbed myself in the forehead with the cap. "Come on!" I urged myself. "Focus, you have to focus!"

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to clear my head. But when I exhaled, all that was left was Leah's face, her cheeks tear-stained, her eyes downcast and hopeless. My chest ached. I couldn't ignore her need. I felt horribly guilty for trying.

I should call her.

I tucked the worksheet into the textbook, like a bookmark, and closed it. At least it wasn't due until Thursday. I pushed it aside and reached for my phone. It was late, just after ten, so I figured I'd text her first to make sure that she wasn't asleep; Auntie Sue had also said she had been sleeping a lot lately.

 **Emily:**   _Hey, u awake? Wanna talk?_

Figuring she wouldn't text me back right away, I put the phone down and went to put on my pajamas. I had just taken my shirt off when I heard my cell phone buzz against the top of my desk.

I pulled on a ratty old t-shirt and went back for my phone.

 **Leah:**   _Yeah sure_

Without pause, I texted back.  **Emily:**   _Great :) we can text or do u want to call?_

I was about to drop my phone onto the bed so I could change into my sweatpants, but my it buzzed in my hand before I could.  **Leah:**   _u can call me_

A small smile pulled at my lips.  **Emily:**  K give me a second.

I quickly wiggled out of my pants and into the pair of sweats, then shoved my feet into a pair of fuzzy pink slippers. I headed downstairs to the kitchen, making sure to step lightly on the creaky stairs. Mom and Dad were already in bed, and I didn't want to disturb them. Once I got downstairs, I would be out of earshot.

The kitchen looked eerie at night. The moon was waxing, nearing its fullest form, and it cast lots of gentle silver light across the tiled floor, bathing the room in blue. I stepped forward carefully, past the large light switch the controlled the big light fixture that hung overhead... It would be too much for just one. Our midnight conversations usually occurred in the dark.

With only moonlight I could barely see a thing, but the path to the phone was familiar, and I quickly found my way to the little nook where we kept the phone, answering machine, and pads of papers for taking messages. I felt along the nook's surface and found the base of the small lamp I had placed there for my midnight calls. I flicked its switch, and its bulb sprung to life, spilling a small pool of warm light across the counter top.

The family's old corded house phone looked a dusty deep red, but I knew it was just because of the poor lighting. In reality, it was a garish orange, a strange antiquity of the eighties that I was surprised still worked. I pulled the old thing off its cradle, and punched in Leah's number as I walked to the table, stretching the long, curled cord out behind me. I held it to my ear as I sat down, and as it rang, picked at the grapes that sat in a bowl in the centre of the table.

It only took two rings before she picked up.

"Hey," she said. Because I knew her so well, I noticed her usual sharp voice was off. She sounded mousy, weak.

"Hey!" I said, trying to sound excited, even though there was a half-chewed grape in my mouth. I quickly swallowed it. "How're you doing?"

I heard her sniffle. "Okay, I guess..."

I stifled a sigh by stuffing another grape in my mouth. "Still no word of Sam?"

"No, not yet..."

"Hang in there, cuz," I said, scrambling for things to say to cheer her up. "You know how he is! He's done this before, taken off for some peace and quiet. He probably just got sick of everyone fretting over him, and wanted to take care of his flu on his own."

"I... I don't know," Leah replied, and she did sound rather disbelieving of my story... which wasn't surprising, because I didn't believe it either. I was just grasping at straws here. "It's been so long without any word. He usually says  _something_ to me if he's gonna disappear for a bit..."

"I'm sure it'll be okay, Leah." More lies... but what else could I say. "How goes the search?"

"Not good... They say they found scraps of clothing in the woods behind Jennifer's clinic, so that's where they're searching now. And I heard some people talking today at the store... They said there's been wolves spotted in the woods, and they think that one of the wolves got Sam." Her voice broke then, wavering as she spoke. "What if it's true? What if he's been...  _killed_?"

"Leah," I started. I tried to make my voice sound both stern and gentle. "A wolf did  _not_  get Sam. That's insane. First of all, he grew up in La Push, he knows those woods as well as  _you_  do, and you know them like the back of your hand. Second of all, he's gigantic... At least, I thought he was gigantic the last time I met him, and you said he had been growing even more, right? So he's  _double_ -gigantic now. No wolf would mess with him." I was impressed by how convincing it sounded, but it hurt me to know that everything I said was a half-lie... If Sam was feverish and delusional then it'd be easy for him to get lost, and while maybe  _one_  wolf would be intimidated by him, wolves hunted in packs... But I forced myself to forget those nagging details, and focus on my story. All that mattered was making Leah feel better. "Remember last week, when they were saying it was a UFO?"

To my great surprise and joy, Leah snorted, and gave a tiny laugh. "How could I forget?"

"See? That rumour was all the rage just last week. The wolf thing is just another rumour. People are ridiculous. They just love to gossip, there's no truth to any of it," I said, like it was as easy as that. "He'll be back. You know how he gets into those, pardon the term,  _lone wolf_  phases. He'll be back, and you'll make him sorry he ever his Lee-lee behind."

Leah giggled again. "You're right. Oh, Em, what would I ever do without you? You keep me sane."

"It's a really tough job," I joked. "But someone's gotta do it." Leah gave a real laugh that time, and I smiled wide at my success. "How are you doing otherwise, though? How's Auntie Sam, Uncle Harry and Seth?"

"Everyone alright. Mom's worried, of course, and Dad's driving me nuts... He absolutely refuses to help look for Sam. Even Charlie Swan — the Chief of Police and one of his best buddies — is pissed about it, but he just flat out  _refuses_. I don't get it." I hear her sigh. "At least he's somewhat positive about it... He thinks Sam will be back soon too, and thinks everyone's just making a big deal out of nothing. And he's mad that I've been missing school over it—"

"You've been missing school?" I interrupted.

Leah sounded sheepish, like she knew I wasn't going to be happy about it. "Yeah, I dunno... It's been hard. The school reminds me of him too much... And I just can't stand to be reminded of him."

"Leah," I said. "You have to go to school. You're in your senior year, you can't fall behind..."

"Easy, Teacher's Pet," she teased, and it heartened me to hear her usual teasing. "Just because I'm not at school doesn't mean I'm not doing my work. Everyone at school has been very understanding, and they've been sending my work home with Seth, so don't freak, ya freak. It's just being in the building, walking those halls that we walked together..." She was getting choked up again. "It's tough, okay?"

"I understand," I said, and listened helplessly as she started sobbing again. "It will be alright. I'm here for you if you need me. You know that right? I'm here for you. You can call me anytime.  _Anytime_. Day, night, during school, during whenever."

"I know. Thank you," she mumbled, then sniffled. 

I wished I was there, to hug her, comfort her, and most of all  _distract_  her— Suddenly, an idea came to me like a ray of sunshine parting through Fork's thick cover of clouds. "Hey," I started. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing..." she said, between sniffs. "There's another search of the woods planned, but I'm not allowed to participate because it's for adults only. They're bringing  _guns_  in case of wolves."

"Well, why don't you come up to Neah Bay? We can have one of our sleepovers."

Leah was quiet for a moment. "That... might be nice," she said, but she sounded a little skeptical.

"It'll be great!" I pushed, trying to make it sound irresistible. "We can sit around in our pajamas, watch stupid monster movies, stay up all night, and eat our weight in popcorn. Mom will make us pancakes when we get up at noon, and then, if you want to stay for two nights, we can do it all over again!"

"That does sound good" Leah said dreamily, like she didn't believe anything could ever actually be that good again.

"Come on, it'd be so good for you to get away from it all, just for a bit," I pressed. "It'd be a nice... distraction."

"You're right." There was a renewed strength in her voice. "A distraction  _would_  be good. Just for a bit, at least..."

"Yes!" I cheered, triumphant. "I can probably ditch my last class on Friday, so I'll drive down and pick you up."

Leah chuckled again, and the sound swelled my heart. "What were you saying about missing class?"

"I'm ahead in all my classes, so one class won't be the end of the world."

Another snort. "Teacher's pet..."

"Shush! Anyway, we once I pick you up, we can have a mini road trip, pick up some DVDs, snacks, get some burgers for dinner in Forks along the way...

"You know, that really does sound amazing," Leah said, slight awe in her voice. "Thank you, Emily. I needed this."

"Hey," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. It brought tears to my eyes to hear her happy again, even if it was for a second here and there. Though it had only been a week or so, it felt like much longer since I had heard her laugh. "What are sisters for?"

☾

Leah seemed in a much better mood for the rest of the week, and I made sure to text her regularly so she didn't feel too lonely. I was psyched. By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, I could barely sit still. Thankfully it wasn't raining so I could speed the entire way to La Push.

I was jittery with excitement as I parked my mom's old Toyota Camry in front of the Clearwater's home. I could see Auntie Sue in the kitchen window, and her face lit up when she spotted me. I waved wildly at her, and she rushed to the door to let me in.

"Oh, Emily," Auntie Sue said as she wrapped her arms around me. "Thank you for coming. It was so sweet of you to suggest this, it will really help Leah."

"Of course," I replied, kind of taken aback. She talking like I was doing some big, scary favour by taking Leah to my place. It wasn't a huge deal. We were just going to hang out, like normal. "It's gonna be lots of fun."

Auntie Sue just squeezed my shoulders and gave me a brave smile. "Yeah. Fun."

Her weird behaviour — like Leah was on her deathbed, and this was her final wish — kind of weirded me out, so I changed the subject. "So, where is Leah?"

"Oh! She's in her room," Auntie Sue said, blinking back tears as she pointed down the hall.

Nodding my thanks, I left Auntie Sue behind in the kitchen, and headed down the hall to Leah's bedroom. I didn't knock, and just barged in, intending to spook my cousin... But instead, it was me who was spooked. I choked back a scream. Leah was just standing there, her long black hair tangled and hanging in her face. Her skin was sallow, and her eyes were ringed with dark. For a moment I thought that Leah had dressed up creepily on purpose to scare  _me_.

But just as my heart soared with hope that she still had a sense of humour, it soon crashed down, dropping deep into my abdomen, landing with a thud as I realized it wasn't a costume... it was just... Leah.

 _Holy crap..._  I thought.  _What happened?_ But I already knew what happened.  _Sam_  had happened.  _God, if he isn't already dead, I'm going to kill him for doing this to Leah, for hurting her like this._

I tried to keep my shock from my face as I greeted her. "Hey, Leah! Ready for our night of crazy fun?"

"Almost," she replied, shoving a last few things into her bag. She looked up and caught my eye; I guess I hadn't hid my worry as well as I had hoped, because she gave me a weak smile and continued. "Sorry, I know I look pretty... bad. Jacob leapt about a foot in the air when I answered the door today. He called me 'Samara'."

I rolled my eyes.  _Would it kill Jacob to have a little tact?_  "Well, I guess that means we're not going to be renting  _The Ring_. But maybe we'll stop at the Forks pharmacy to get face masks or something for tonight."

Leah smiled, and swung her backpack over her shoulder. "Good idea," she said as she walked around me and headed out into the hall.

I followed her down the hall, stopping briefly in the kitchen again. Auntie Sue was seated at the kitchen table, drinking tea, and reading the Forks Forum. She looked up when she heard us come in. "Heading out?" she asked.

"Yup," I replied.

"Well, before you go..." Auntie Sue got up from the table and went to her purse that was sitting on the counter. She dug into it, pulled out a twenty, and handed it to me. "Here, my treat. Use it for snacks or something."

"Aw yeah! Thanks, Auntie Sue!"

"Thanks, mom," Leah added, but she didn't exactly sound pumped. There was a weak raspiness to her voice that I didn't hear over the phone, and it made me worry a little.

Her mom gave her a resigned smile, then reached out and hugged her daughter. "Have fun, okay? I'll call you right away if we get any... news."

Leah just nodded, trying to be strong, but I could see her eyes well up with tears.

"Alright, we gotta get going before all the good DVDs are gone," I said, inching towards the door, trying to break up the sombre mood. "See you later, Auntie Sue. Thanks again!"

She waved at us as we left. "Bye girls!"

While we were inside, it had started to rain. I shoved the twenty into my pocket and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up, making a quick break for the car. Leah didn't seem fazed by the rain; she just walked slowly, carefully, like she was trying to remember how.

I paused before I got in. "Come on Leah, hurry it up! You don't want to be sitting all soggy and wet in a car for an hour and a half!"

That seemed to motivate her a little. She broke into a little trot, barely faster than a walk. At least it was  _some_  improvement. I shrugged and settled in. Luckily, she was only a little bit damp when she joined me. She shoved her bag into the back seat and buckled up.

"Let's do this!" I shouted, and cranked music. Aqua's  _Barbie Girl_  began blasting through the ancient speakers. For the sleepover, I had stayed up late last night crafting the perfect, positive-songs-only playlist on my iPod.

Fortunately, it seemed my hard work had paid off. Leah, smirked and shook her head. "Are we seriously going to listen to this?"

"You bet your butt we are!" I shouted over the music, and then peeled out of her driveway, spraying gravel everywhere.

Despite Leah's initial sour mood, she quickly warmed up, and eventually joined me in scream-singing along to the cheesy pop songs of our youth. Spice Girls, N*Sync, B*Witched pounded through the car as we drove along. We made a quick pitstop in Forks to get some necessities — DVDs, chips, face masks, nail polish. And feeling flush with the twenty Auntie Sue had given me, I even splurged on some temporary hair dye. We examined our haul in the car as we scarfed down our take-out burgers we had gotten at the diner. 

"Man," Leah said, picking up a bottle of sparkly, navy blue nail polish and inspecting it. "I haven't done anything this girly in forever."

"Sometimes you need to," I counter, knowing how easily Leah raised her hackles at anything typically girly; she was usually a staunch tom-boy. "You know? Take some time to pamper yourself."

Leah nodded and picked up the sleek gold nail polish next. "You know, I think you're right. I know I've spent most of my life fighting you whenever you wanted to give me a makeover, but I think I see its value now."

I turned to her. "Did you just say you'd let me give you a makeover?"

Leah froze. "I didn't say... that... exactly."

"I think you did."

"No... I..."

"We're gonna give you a makeover!" I sang in delight. "We're gonna give you a makeover!"

"Oh god! Fine!" Leah sighed, but there was a big smile plastered across her face.

"Don't worry, it will be good,"  I promise, and then I remembered. "Oh! I haven't even told you the best part. Mom and Dad have gone camping with friends, so they won't be back until Sunday. We have the place to ourselves!"

"Awesome!" Leah said, still smiling.

"It's going to be the best time ever!" I assure her.

We shoved the rest of our burgers into our mouths, then got back onto the road, our favourite pop tunes blaring once more.

☾

Three bags of popcorn, two hilarious horror movies, and one blue streak later, we were relaxing comfortably on the couch. It was after midnight, and I was putting the finishing touches on Leah's makeover. The last step was Leah's nails, and I was carefully adding the details. I had painted a scene of a night's sky; the sparkling navy was the backdrop, and on her forefinger I had painted a large, luminous moon in opalescent white. I was now adding a scattering of gold dots for stars with a toothpick.

"This is beautiful," Leah breathed as she examined her finished left hand. "Where'd you learn to do this?"

"Practice," I replied, pausing to raise up my own hand. It had a similar scene, but my nails had a purple sky and a shiny, orange tinged moon on each of my ring fingers, complete with craters.

Leah paused to admire them. "Geez, where do you find the time to do  _this_  and get straight A's?"

I shrugged, savouring the praise. "I started doing it to relax after studying, before I went to bed."

"I wish we could do this every weekend," Leah sighed. "This is great. I so needed this."

"Well, we can if go to the same college. We can be roommates!" I replied. "Have you thought about where you're going yet? I was thinking about University of Washington, but I'd love to go somewhere warm like California."

"I haven't really thought much about it... I was talking about it a little with Sam, before he..." I heard her voice thicken and then stop. I looked up at her, and saw that she was squeezing her eyes shut, trying to fight off the tears.

"There's no reason  _you_  can't decide and then Sam can choose to come with  _you_  or not," I said, trying to remind her to be positive. "You know, when he comes back."

But it did no good. " _If_  he comes back..." she choked.

"He'll come back," I repeated sternly, trying to make sure my voice wasn't too sharp.

"But what if he doesn't?" Her eyes snapped open as she said it, and I saw the tears shining there. "What if he never comes back?"

It was a struggle to come up with a response.  _What do I say to that?_  "Then... Then you'll have to continue on. He'd want you to keep going, Leah. You know that right? He'd want you to keep living your life."

Tears slid over the russet skin of her cheeks as she closed her eyes again. "I know he would want that. I just don't know how I  _could_  keep going... Every part of La Push reminds me of him. Every road, every tree, every rock on the beach... They all seem to whisper his name."

My own throat seemed to close up. I tried to picture myself in her shoes, at having lost someone so dear to me, but it was difficult. I had never experienced any terrible loss... "It will be hard at first," I said, sounding confident, but inside I was floundering. "But after a while, it will get better. Time heals all wounds, right?"

"I guess so."

"And there are other people who love you besides Sam," I remind her, just to make sure she knows. "People who will support you."

She sniffs. "I know. And I'm thankful for it... Em, can I ask you something?"

I felt myself go rigid, preparing for the worst. "Sure."

"If... If Sam doesn't come back... Do you think your parents would be okay if I came and lived here with you?"

I stare at Leah for a few seconds; that was not what I was expecting.  "Why?"

"If Sam doesn't come back, I don't think I could stand to be in La Push. It's already so painful now, and if he never comes back, I don't know how I'll stand it," she pauses to swallow hard. "This weekend has been such a... wonderful break. It's perfect here. Nothing here reminds me of him, of what happened..."

"I get it," I said. That had been my plan, but this was an extreme reaction.

"So, do you think they'd let me stay? If... If the worst happened?"

"Of course they would, if you really needed it. If they'd object, I'd just  _make_  them say yes. We have room after all. My sister's old room is empty, or you could sleep in my room."

"That's good to know," she sighed. She blinked rapidly, trying to banish the tears, ready to move on to another topic. "So, do you want to watch that final movie? I think a were-dolphin sounds hilarious."

"Sure," I said, happy that she managed to pull herself away from the brink. "Your nails are done, but let them dry. I'll put the DVD in."

 _Revenge of the Porpoise Men_  made us laugh until our sides hurt and Leah's tears from earlier were replaced with tears of laughter. But all the laughing tuckered us out good. We barely managed to crawl into my parents bed before the last of our energy gave out.

It was just like when we were kids. It was the perfect end to a perfect night.

Just as I was drifting into sleep, feeling rather satisfied with myself for successfully distracting Leah, I heard a sound that pulled me back into consciousness. It was quiet and barely noticeable, but as I listened hard, I recognized it. The sound was unmistakeable. Muffled sobs, quieted sniffles... Leah was crying. I tried my best to roll over in a natural way so not to spook her, but as she heard me move, she quickly went silent. I settled back into the bed, pretending at sleep, and waited. After a moment, after she must have assumed I hadn't heard her, the crying started up again.

"Sam..." she whispered to herself. "Please come back to me, Sam... I miss you...  _So_  much..." Her sobbing continued.

There was nothing I wanted more to do than reach out and touch her, to comfort her, but I realized that was exactly what she  _didn't_  want. If she wanted my comfort, she wouldn't have waited until I was asleep — or thought I was asleep — to cry. I knew then that she was more broken hearted that I could even comprehend.

 _Sam better be hurt or something_ , I thought to myself.  _Because if he just disappeared for no reason, leaving Leah to suffer like this, then I can never forgive him. He doesn't deserve her._

A sharp pain shot through my chest, the agonizing pain of seeing someone suffer and being utterly unable to do anything about it. Helpless to do anything else, I squeezed my eyes shut, and was lulled into an uneasy sleep by her gentle sobs.

When I awoke at eleven in the morning, I felt exhausted, like I hadn't slept at all. It felt like I had been running all night. I had been tortured by dreams of  _wolves_... Wolves chasing Leah through the woods. They were fast, but luckily Leah was faster, but even so they were constantly on her heels, just behind her... One fall, and they'd be at her throat. She screamed to me for help, and I tried to catch up, I couldn't, no matter how hard and fast I ran.

I rolled over to look at Leah, to see if she was awake, but her side of the bed was empty. I sat up suddenly, fearful that she may have actually taken off into the woods during the night. I threw the blankets off and was about to call out to her when I heard a voice downstairs. It was just the one voice, softly talking to someone... Was Leah on the phone?

I put on Mom's slippers and staggered down the stairs, still a little disoriented. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw that I had been right. Leah was holding the house phone to her ear and whispering down the line; the new blue streak in her hair was hanging over her face, blocking her expression from view.

"Leah?" I asked, worry creeping over me. I braced myself for the worst. "What's up?"

She turned to face me, and for a minute I didn't understand what I was seeing. She was smiling, larger and brighter than I had seen in weeks... A bigger, wider smile than I had seen on her face in  _months,_ even before Sam had disappeared.

"Emily!" Leah chirped excitedly. "He's come home. Sam's come back!"

☾


	4. Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has returned, but Leah notices there's something different about him…

☾

_Leah_

The drive home was torturous. Even though Emily was pushing her mom's old car to the max, and the trees nothing but blurs as we sped past, it still felt like it was taking too long. I couldn't stand to wait, even if it was just a few hours by car. I wanted to see Sam  _now_.

He was back.  _Sam was back,_ Mom had said. It was a miracle.

Some part of me must've  _known_ because this morning I had awoken early, much earlier than normal. I had been pulled almost forcefully from my sleep, and the minute I was awake, I was suddenly struck by the idea that I  _had_  to go downstairs. I wasn't sure, exactly, what motivated me, but the urge was unignorable, so I did as I was commanded. I stumbled down the stairs, still in the process of waking up, and came to a stop right in front of the phone. I lingered there for only a few seconds before it started ringing.

Without thinking, I answered it. Luckily I had, because it was Mom. Like she had promised, she was calling because she had heard news. For one moment, expecting the worse, my heart felt like it might crumble to dust... until she said the words that breathed new life into me.

"Sam's back."

I started wriggling in the seat, fighting against the seatbelt. It was so hard to sit still. I hated the fact that I all I could do was sit here in this car. It felt like I was doing  _nothing_. Some deep part of me wished I could just take off and run... Run and run and run. Run all the way home, run straight to Sam.

"We're almost there," Emily said suddenly, like she had read my mind. "It will just be another ten minutes, tops."

"Ten minutes is still too long," I whispered under my breath.

But she was right, even if the minutes crawled past like hours. Soon we were on that familiar forest road that lead through our neighbourhood. But Emily, instead of taking the left turn towards Sam's, continued on straight, towards my house.

"STOP!" I screamed, in absolute horror.

Emily skidded to a stop in the middle of the road. "What? What is it? Is there an animal?" she said breathlessly, craning her neck to see if some animal had run out on the road.

"No! You missed the turn to Sam's!" I snapped. "You can still back up, there's no one behind you..."

She gave a weird look. "We're not going to Sam's right away. We're going to your place first,  _then_  we can go to Sam's..." She eased her foot off the break and the car began to slowly move forward again.

I couldn't believe my ears. I scoffed angrily, threw open the door, and leapt out of the moving car. I stumbled as I hit the pavement, but soon recovered and made my way back towards the fork in the road.

The car screeched to a stop again. The driver's side door opened, and Emily leaned out. "Leah! Where are you going? Come back!"

"I'm going to Sam's!" I said, breaking into the run that I had been itching for since this morning.

"Leah!" Emily called once more. But I didn't turn back, and after a bit she seemed to just give up. "I'll be waiting for you at your house!" I heard her say, her voice distant as I dashed down the road.

Running felt good, better than it ever had. Each stride was like a note in a song, and my body was singing with the tune, my heart pounding with the beat.  _Sam, I'm coming. Sam, I'm almost there. Sam. Sam. Sam._

A huge smile broke like dawn across my face as his house came into my view. The dark clouds that had surrounded me while he was gone were being pushed back, and I could see the sun once more. I pushed myself to my limit as I raced for the door. I was so close!

But as I approached, I heard  _shouting_  coming from inside. I staggered to a stop. The front door was cracked open, and I approached carefully, unsure of what was happening. Through the gap, I could hear the angry conversation inside quite clearly.

"I just want to know where the hell you've been, Sam Uley!" I was shocked. It was  _Allison_ , Sam's mom, who was screaming. She was usually masterfully composed; before now, I had never heard her even raise her voice, let alone scream. "I'm your mother! Didn't you think I might be  _worried_  when you disappeared for two weeks? And Leah, poor Leah... Do you know what your disappearance did to her? Didn't you think of  _any_  of us?"

"Of course I did," I heard Sam say, keeping his voice low. "I just... needed time to myself."

His mother burst into laughter... she sounded almost hysterical. "That's such bullcrap, Sam. You needed 'time'? You could've told me  _before_  you buggered off! Left a note!"

"I—I didn't have time too..."

"Do you think I'm stupid or something? Do you think I'll fall for that same macho lone-wolf nonesense your father tried on me?"

I winced. Even though I sympathized with Allison's anguish, that was a cheap shot. She had said that just to hurt him. There was no topic more painful for Sam than that of his absent father.

A agonizing moment passed before I heard Sam finally reply. His voice rumbled like thunder, deep and gravelly in a way I had never heard before. "See?  _This_ was exactly what I needed to get away from," he snarled, and I heard thundering footsteps come towards the door... towards me.

I didn't have time to react before the door was wrenched open. Sam towered in the frame, his face tense and lined, a tangle of hurt and fury... but his expression softened when he saw me standing there.

"Lee-lee?" he breathed, his voice wavering.

"S-Sam?" My vision clouded with tears, blurring Sam's face.  _Dammit!_  I thought.  _Just when I wanted to see him the most._ "Is that really you?"

I felt his arms wrap around me, and he lifted me off the ground as he pulled me close to him. I felt his warmth, and I savoured it; I had thought I was never going to feel it again. My fingers dug into the thick woven wool of his sweater, trying to get a solid hold. I was never going to let go of him.

"Sam..." I mumbled into his shoulder. "Sam, oh Sam, I  _missed_  you. I'm so happy you're back... Please, never do that again. Please."

As I spoke, I felt Sam's embrace stiffen. He awkwardly put my on the ground again and shrugged my arms off. My heart stuttered, and I pulled my hands in close to my chest.

"What's the matter?" I asked, my voice thick with tears.

"I—"

"Sam," his mother interrupted, her voice tight. She was looming behind him in the door. "This conversation is not over. Come back inside. You haven't explained  _anything_."

Sam's brow folded together again, and he turned slowly to face her. "I need to cool down first, so I'm going to walk Leah home, then I'll come back and we'll talk... That is, if you can be  _civil_."

Her tawny cheeks flushed. "Alright. Don't be too long," she snapped, and slammed the door.

Sam turned back to me, and his face softened again, but there was still a small knot in his brow. "Hey," he said, sounding kind of uncomfortable.

Something twinged in my chest, and the worry I thought had been obliterated began to seep back in. "Hi..." I muttered.

He tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. "Did you hear all that?"

"Most of it..." I admitted, wincing again.

He squeezed his eyes shut like he was in pain. "Damn. I'm sorry you did. Things have been... They've been tense."

"I'm not surprised..." I said softly. "I'm sorry... I should've called instead of just coming over."

His face relaxed, and he sighed before opening his eyes again.  "No, it's me who should be sorry, Lee-lee," he said. "I'm sorry I took off without telling you. Mom was right, I should've said something, but..." His eyes clouded over, and he went very still again. "There wasn't time. I just had to get out of here."

I nodded, though I wasn't sure I understood. "Where did you go?"

"I... I went for a hike, kinda. When I left, I came back here, grabbed some things, then headed into the woods," he said, but it all came out kind of stiff, like it was rehearsed. "I kinda went camping. I just needed some time to do some thinking."

"Right..." I said, though it sounded weird. It was true that Sam loved to hike, and did sometimes take day trips on his own, but he had never been gone for more than a night. "We were just worried..."

He leaned in close again. "I know. I'm sorry..."

I reached out tentatively, then gently touched his arm. He didn't pull away, so I held fast. "I'm just glad you're back, though. That's what matters. That you're okay. Now everything can go back to normal." I sighed.

"Yeah..." He sounded strange. "Back to normal."

I looked hard at him, wondering what he meant... "Sam...?"

"We should start walking," he said, cutting me off. He was looking straight up, to the sky. "It might start raining soon."

My gaze slid up to join his. The moody clouds were indeed moving in overhead... I had seen their advance while Emily and I were driving, and at the time I had thought how the impending dark clouds were so discordant with how I felt. Now my mood was beginning to match the gloomy weather.

Without another word, we turned and began walking. I kept my hold on the sleeve of his sweater, hanging onto it like a child. I refused to let go. We didn't say another word as made our way down the driveway and onto the road.

It felt so weird... Usually it was easy for us to talk, and conversation used to come so effortlessly. But right then, it felt like I was walking with a stranger. The silence began eating away at me, and soon I couldn't stand it any longer. "Sam..." I began, my voice so soft that I was worried he might not hear me. "You said you wanted to get away so you could think about some things... What things?"

Sam kept quiet for a bit. "My future," he said at last.

 _That's... vague._ "Like, college?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly. It's more than that. I'm feeling pretty... confused right now."

My chest felt restricted, and it became a little difficult to breathe. "About what?"

He groaned, but it came out a little like a growl. He pulled his arm free from my grip, and ran his hand through his hair. "About  _e_ _verything_ , Leah."

Without him to hold onto him anymore, I wrapped my arms around myself, like I was protecting my heart.  _Was this supposed to be some sort of hint?_  Everything about this seemed like some horrible cliché.  I tried to breathe deep to calm myself, but there was a lump in my throat that made it hard. "Even about me?" 

Sam suddenly stopped in his tracks, but didn't look at me. "Never  _about_  you, but... I'm having some doubts. I don't know if I'm  _good enough_  for you, Lee-lee..."

Every part of me went cold, like my body was numbing itself in preparation for some devastating impact. "What...?"

His eyes locked with mine. "You know I would never do anything to hurt you, right, Lee-lee? You know that, right?"

I couldn't speak. I couldn't even nod. In fact, I couldn't will any part of my body to move. I was frozen where I stood, like an animal frozen in the headlights, waiting for the hit.

He continued on, regardless. "I won't ever hurt you, I swear it. But if I want to keep that promise, I might have to... stay  _away_  from you." 

Something hot rolled down my icy cheeks, and I was confused for a moment... before I realized it was tears. Sobs began to shudder through me, cracking the ice. "You... don't... want to be with me anymore?"

"Of course I want to be with you, Lee-lee. I  _love_  you. I will  _always_  love you. But that means I want to keep you safe. And...  _I_  might not be safe."

I choked out a single hard laugh, but it came out more like a bark. The sound of it burned my throat. "What does that even  _mean_? If you want to break up, Sam, just say so!"

Sam looked like he was in a large amount of pain. "I don't want to break up with you Lee-lee," Sam said, his voice aching with remorse. "But..."

"But  _what_?" It came out tangled in a sob, and once again my sight was blurred by the onslaught of tears. I wiped frantically at my eyes, trying to clear my vision, but there seemed to be a thousand more tears for every one I wiped away.

His warm arms enveloped me again. I fought against them, trying to push Sam away, too angry to want his touch. But his grip tightened, holding me in place against his chest, forcing me to still. "I don't want to break up, Lee-lee. I couldn't take it. But I... I need you to know that I might not be like I was. I have things to figure out, and I need your paitence while I do. I need you to have my back _,_ okay?"

The stabbing pains in my chest began to ease into a dull ache. "Really?"

"Really," he kissed the top of my head.

Relief overcame me. I relaxed, then nuzzled into his chest and wrapped my arms around him. "Okay, but only if you have mine."

He nodded, rubbing his cheek against my hair. "Deal."

I looked up at him. His eyes still seemed troubled, roiling like dark, deep stormy waves, but he had said he needed me... And I was more than happy to oblige. What else could I do?

Rising up on my tip toes, I craned my face close to his. He smiled slightly before leaning in to press his lips against mine. His heat washed over me. I thought for a moment it was just a rush of euphoria, but then I realized that it was the  _temperature_  of his skin. I reached up and brushed my finger against his cheek, to check. He... He was still so  _warm_.

I was about to ask about it when a cold droplet of rain struck my nose. It was quickly joined by a few friends which splashed across my forehead.

Sam pulled away, and looked up again. "Did you feel that? It's starting to rain. We better get moving." He quicky unwove himself from me, and began leading me by the hand down the road. The feel of his hand was pleasant, except for the  _heat_. His hand was so hot it was nearly unbearable to keep holding it, but I forced myself to. I didn't want to let him go again.

The rain was really starting to fall by the time we reached the house. Sam lead me beneath the cover of the porch, then turned to face me. "I might not get to see you for a bit. My mom, as you saw, is pretty upset with me... I'll try and call you later, okay?"

I nodded solemnly. "Okay."

"See you later, Lee-lee," he whispered, and leaned in again for a kiss.

My lips had barely brushed against his when my front door opened, and Mom stuck her head out. Sam leapt back from me.

"Sam!" she chirped, ignoring the fact she had just interrupted us. "I'm so glad you're back!"

"Yeah, all in once piece too," he joked, but the humor didn't reach his eyes.

"Thank goodness," Mom went on. "I'm so happy you're okay. It's dangerous out there... People were saying seen  _wolves_  in the woods while you were gone. Did you see any wolves?"

Sam looked oddly uncomfortable again. "Nope."

"Well, maybe their eyes were playing tricks on them," Mom said, shrugging. "Are you going to be staying for dinner? We're making extra because Leah's cousin Emily is here, so I'm sure there will enough for you, too."

"I wish I could. But my mom wants me home so she can yell at me some more. Maybe next time..." Sam began backing off the porch, inching back into the rain. 

"I can only imagine," Mom said, chuckling. "Well, don't keep Allison waiting... Best just get it over with. Tell her I said hi, and hurry home before you get soaked!"

"Will do. See you later Ms. Clearwater, see you later Lee-le—" he paused mid-sentence, and his cheeks flushing slightly. I couldn't help but smile. "I mean, Leah. See you later, Leah." He waved and then darted out into the rain.

I lingered on the porch, watching him go as he jogged down the driveway and out of sight. Though I was happy he was back, some dark worry lingered... Something had changed about Sam, I was sure of it... I shook my head, trying to stop myself from thinking about it. Sam had come back to me, and that was all that mattered.

☾

 


	5. Crossed Paths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After weeks of struggle, Leah and Sam think they're finally back to normal… Until Emily shows up.

_March 2005. Months have passed since Sam first disappeared, and everything seems like it's back to normal... on the surface._

☾

_Leah_

"Is it okay if I bring Jared and Paul too? You know how they love to eat..." Sam chuckled gently, and it reminded me of soft earth moving, rough and yet velvety. I fought back the urge to sigh. I never stopped marvelling at the miracle of him... His return still seemed like a blessing, even though it had been almost half a year ago.

Sam's laughter died away. "...Leah? Leah are you there?"

"O-of course," I said, snapping to as I finally remembered that I was the second half of this conversation. "Yeah, of course they can come. You should  _see_  the amount of meat Dad brought home. It'd be great if you guys helped eat it all, otherwise  _Dad_  will and Mom's been trying to get him to watch his cholesteral 'cause of his heart..."

The earth moved again as he laughed. "Glad to be of service. We'll come by just after seven, okay? Give the rest of you a chance to get some food before Hurricane Jared moves in."

"Perfect. I'll see you then," I snickered, then my voice turned gentle. "Love you, my Sam."

"Love you..." he said, and then dropped his voice. "... my Lee-lee." Immediately, hooting and hollering rang out in the background. I realized he was probably  _with_  Jared and Paul now, and his attempt to hide his embarassing nickname for me had failed. Just before he hung up, I heard him shout, "Don't make fun of that nickname! That's an order!"

 _Order? What's he mean by order?_  I giggled to myself as I put the phone back on the cradle. They were so silly... but "silly" was a relief. After he gave me that cryptic talk about needing to keep me safe, I had feared that things were going to go bad between us. Now, thinking back on it, my worry seemed ridiculous. Sam had never been better.

The tribal council had reached out to him right after he returned, and he had embraced it. Now he was more active with the tribe, and had even recruited other guys—Jared and Paul—to protect everyone. People considered them the Protectors of our tribe, and everyone seemed to look up to them... Well, everyone  _except_  Emily.

Just as I thought of her, I saw the Young's Toyota Camry roll into view. It looked like Emily was in the driver's seat. She honked as she came up the drive, and pulled to a stop right in front of the big kitchen window where I was sitting. I waved to her and her parents as they all piled out and headed to the door.

"Hey!" she chirped as poked her head in. I rushed over to greet them and dole out hugs.

Auntie Gwen grabbed me in first, and kissed my cheeks. "Oh Leah, I never get over how beautiful you've become. Already such a proud, noble woman." She said as she ran her hands over my long hair.

It was a cheesy compliment, but I couldn't help but beam at her. With Sam back, I had a hard time frowning these days. "Thanks. Everyone's out back already, Dad's just making the fire."

"Excellent," Uncle Michael said, pulling me into a short, firm one-arm shoulder squeeze. "Ditto on the beautiful stuff, or whatever." He guffawed and went on his way, following after his wife through the back door.

After my aunt and uncle were gone, Emily pulled me in for a small hug of her own. "How are you, sis? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"Not since winter break," I nodded solemnly. "The roads have been bad, and I've had a lot of school work."

"And Sam-work, I bet," Emily replied quickly. She had tried to make it sound playful, but I could hear the serious edge in her voice.

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I  _have_  been spending a lot of time with Sam. Is there something wrong with that?"

Seeing my offended look, Emily's face fell, and she shook her head. "No, no, of course not... but I just. You  _know_. I just think it's... weird..."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, folding my arms. "You think it's weird that I still have no idea where he went for those two weeks. We've been over this, Emily, I'm  _okay_  with that." I tried to turn away and head for the backdoor myself, but Emily caught my wrist.

She looked angry. "We  _haven't_  been over this! Whenever I try and talk to you about it, you change the subject or say you have to get off the phone," she said, maneuvering herself so she was in front of me, blocking my way if I tried to slip past. "I've been waiting for this... To speak with you in person so you couldn't  _escape_."

Guiltily, I turned my face away because I didn't want her to see my reddening cheeks; I hated to admit it, but she was right. I  _had_  been avoiding the topic of Sam with her. "I only did that because I knew you were going to act like this..." I snarked, trying to divert her attention once again.

It didn't work, and she continued unfazed. "You can't pretend you haven't noticed something weird going on. First Sam disappears, and then Jared, and then Paul. And no one wants answers, and no one cares? This is  _weird_ , Leah. I can't believe  _you_  of all people would just blithely accept it."

"I accept it because I  _trust_  Sam. What's it to you?"

Emily looked generally stunned, almost hurt. "What's it  _to_  me? Seriously?  _You_ are what 'it' is to me _._ Can't I just help a sister out?"

"Attacking my boyfriend  _isn't_  helping." I grumbled.

"I am not 'attacking' Sam. I just want to know why he hasn't told you  _anything_  about where he — or the other boys — went. It's been five months, after all. Has he?" She stared at me, her hands on her hips.

I chewed my lip, trying to think of a way to dance around the question, but I was cornered. "Sort of."

"Sort of," Emily repeated, her left eyebrow skyrocketing in disbelief. "What the heck does that mean?"

"I know that it wasn't anything bad, like criminal, or cheating, or whatever."

Unexpectedly, her face went from hard to soft in a second, her brow folded in concern. She reached out and touched my arm. "How do you know for certain though?" she asked, her voice serious.

I shook her hand off. "Because, I  _asked_  him. I asked if there was someone else. I asked if he was involved in something bad. And he  _swore_  he wasn't." I remembered the moment well... It was after another fight. I had tried to leave, but he had taken my hands in his warm ones, and his eyes glistening with desperation. "He swore it, and if you saw him when he did, you'd know it was true."

Emily's shoulders drooped. "How can you be so  _sure_?" This time it didn't sound like an accusation, but like a genuine question.

"Because if I want to love him, I have to trust him," I said, knowing I had never said truer words. Sam needed my support, and I was happy to provide it. That was what love was about.

Emily wandered over to the stool at the counter, and flopped down on it. "I know. I'm just worried, Leah. It's just so weird, okay? It seems like no one cares that he and the rest just disappeared, and I just don't get it. It's  _weird_."

I went to stand by her, and put my hand on her shoulder. "Say weird one more time."

"Weird," she said, solemnly, but then her grim expression cracked to show her smile. "You're okay, right Leah? That's all I really care about. That you're  _okay_."

My own lips pulled into a smile. "I know, Em, I really do. And I  _am_  okay. Things with Sam have been great. He's changed. He seems so much better in so many ways."

"Okay. As long as you're going into this with eyes open, Leah."

"I promise I am. It's better, it truly is. He's coming to the barbeque tonight, so you'll see."

Emily just nodded. "I suppose I will."

Trying to get her to drop the seriousness, I elbowed her and teased, "He's also bringing some buddies too. They're cute, and—I believe—single." I waggled my eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, how tempting. I think I'll just wait until college. There's no one around here that's right for me. Believe me, I've  _looked_."

Grabbing her by the wrist, I pulled her up from her seat. "You can't think like that," I said. "Love hits you in the most unexpected ways. And if not love, sometimes it's nice to have a little bit of... fun."

"I am not a 'fun' girl," Emily said, and we both laughed at how that sounded. I wove her arm around my shoulders and led her out the backdoor to join the rest of our guests in the backyard. 

"Hey there, Emily!" Mom said as we got closer to the crowd. "Do you girls want a hot dog, a burger, or a steak?"

"Or all three?" Dad laughed as his plate was laden with meat, just as Seth, Billy, and Jacob's were.

"I'll just have a hot dog for now," Emily said, and moved to get a paper plate.

Despite Mom's concerns about Dad's heart, my father sure did know how to cook barbeque. The burgers were delicious that I couldn't stop myself from having a hot dog too; I had been so  _hungry_  lately...

Fortunately I managed to finish my meal by the time Sam arrived. I could hear their approach. Jared's laugh carried, and he seemed like he was always laughing. I leapt up from my place by the fire and dashed towards the house. I wanted to greet them before they joined the rest.

Paul was already through the front door by the time I came in through the back. "Hey! Don't you knock?" I teased.

The boys laughed behind him. "Hello Lee-le—" Paul started, but then inhaled sharply, like his throat was suddenly constricted. He coughed several times, and then continued. "Hey, uh,  _Leah_. Thanks for inviting us."

"No problem," I said. "There's more than enough to go around."

"Well, I hope everyone's got their fill because here we come!" Paul cheered as he wove around me and out the door, quickly followed by Jared who passed with a wave.

Sam lingered in the kitchen, looking intently at me. "Hello, Lee-lee," he breathed once the others were out of earshot. He leaned in and brushed his full, rust coloured lips against mine. The kiss was so tender and sweet that it made me feel like I was  _flying_... Or maybe that was because Sam had effortlessly scooped me off the ground.

I pulled myself into him, wanting more.

He chuckled against my mouth. "I think people will notice if we don't head out soon." 

"I suppose you're right," I sighed. "Let's go."

As if to comfort me, he intertwined his fingers with mine, and lead me gently from the house. We walked hand-in-hand across the grass, moving as one towards the crowd. Sam stood tall, like he was proud to be with me. I felt strong being by his side. 

Our guests turned to look at us, greeting us with smiles. Emily turned away from a conversation she was having with Jacob, and casually looked over at us. Suddenly, Sam came to an abrupt stop. I felt his arm stiffen, and his body shudder.

I looked up at his face, wondering what was the matter was, and saw that he was staring intensely at my cousin Emily...

☾


	6. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Emily sees Sam for the first time since his disappearance, she is shocked by his reaction.

☾

_Emily_

It was plain that he was already in love. You could see it in Jacob's eyes when he talked about her the strange girl he had met on the beach last weekend, the one who had moved to Forks a few months ago. He told us her name, but I had already forgotten... Belle or something? She was the daughter of Forks Police Chief, Charlie Swan, who was a close friend of Billy's; in fact Billy was watching his son with a smirk on his face. He seemed to think the story was  _very_  amusing.

"She really got into the story I was telling," Jacob bragged to Seth, who was listening rapturously, like Jacob had done something daring by talking to a  _girl_. "I gave her the ol' legends talk — about our lineage of  _wolves_. She  _totally_  got spooked." 

I fought the urge to roll my eyes; the girl must be dense if she got freaked out by the old fairytales our parents told us about descending from wolves... But then again, I was pretty sure that Jake was stretching the truth.

"So, when are you seeing her again?" I teasingly asked.

Jacob looked smug, "Actually, I already have. Went and hung out with her on Thursday..."

Seth let out a low whistle. He was eating it up! The two of them were so clueless it was almost cute, in a little kid sort of way. I just smiled and nodded, not interested in puncturing Jacob's dream. 

"Yeah, it was real romantic night at the Swan residence," Billy suddenly interjected. "I'm glad Charlie and I were there to witness the magic."

Jacob shot his dad a piercing look as his cheeks flushed, but Billy just laughed. I stifled my own giggle for Jacob's sake. Ah, to be young and fall so easily in love... I knew what it was like, being swept up in your first romance. It was great... until it  _wasn't_. It was never that easy in reality. But he'd learn that eventually, I was sure.

Jacob began to describe his further attempts to woo the poor girl, rambling on about fixing his VW Rabbit then  _casually_  driving it to Forks to run into her... Then he stopped suddenly, and his eyes drew past me, fixed on something over my shoulder.

I turned to look.

Leah and Sam were emerging from the house and walking towards us. Sam looked a whole lot different since the last time I had seen him; he was  _huge_  now, somehow grown several more inches. And he was no longer wiry, but muscled in a way that would make Superman feel small. Despite his intimidating form, Sam was smiling brightly, holding tight onto Leah's hand; he seemed happy, relaxed, absolutely comfortable... until his eyes met with mine.

I watched as every defined muscle in his body seemed to tense up. His back stretched as he went rigid and his eyes grew wide, like he was shocked at what he saw. He stared at me with such intensity... His gaze was strangely  _powerful;_ it was like it  _held_  me in place. I tried to look away but I couldn't. His eyes were dark and deep, like blackholes... It felt like I was being sucked into them.

He dropped Leah's hand and began to advance on me with some inscrutable purpose. Part of me felt like I should back away, but my feet seemed to be stuck. I was trying to think, but my heart was beating like crazy, blood pounding in my ears like stormy waves against the La Push cliffs.

Just as he was right before me, he stopped in his tracks. Time resumed it's normal speed. I realized I was breathing hard, and shaking ever so slightly. Sam was shaking too, his eyes fixed on the ground. He blinked hard twice, like he had awoken from some kind of trance.

Leah noticed the change. Everyone had; they were all staring at us. "Sam? Are you okay?"

"I—I...," he stuttered, looking away from both of us; he seemed like he was struggling to find the words. We waited patiently for a moment and then, without warning, without a single glance back, Sam ran across the yard, around the house and out of sight.

Everyone just looked at each other, strange expressions pulling at their features. Jacob and Seth just looked confused, but Dad, Billy and Mom — and the newcomers who I hadn't be introduced to yet — looked troubled.

"Uh," one of the new guys began. He was tall and muscled too, but not as much as Sam. "Sam said he wasn't feeling well earlier. He thought he had... gotten better, but maybe it came back suddenly."

"Yeah, that's probably what that was," the other one chimed in.

That'd be perfectly reasonable explanation, if it weren't for their faces. Also, it didn't make sense he'd just run off when he could go inside. "Why didn't he go into the house?" I asked. 

The two strangers exchanged worried glances like they weren't used to anyone questioning them... Typical of La Push, where  _no one_  seemed to ask questions.

"He... he lives nearby!" the shorter, stockier one nearly shouted, but it sounded like he had just thought of it, not like an explanation.  _Strange..._ I just narrowed my eyes at them, inspecting their faces, but something just behind them caught my eye.

Auntie Sue was looking at me with some inscrutable expression... It was a strange mix, too varied to make sense of. Her eyes were intensely considering me, but they seemed to look  _through_  me; her brows were furrowed but sloping, like she was thinking hard... yet sad; her lips pursed, making her broad cheekbones stand out, like she was fighting back words.  _Odd..._

It was then that I realized that no one else was speaking. I glanced around the party, confused; everyone wore looks of confusion, or worry, but my eyes stopped on Uncle Harry. His face was tensed in a pained look similar to his wife's. But he wasn't looking at me... he was looking at Leah. 

I turned around again to face Leah. She had stayed where Sam had left her. Her eyes were downcast, and I could see her lip trembling. That was obviously not what she was expecting to happen.

I went to her side, and pulled her close, in a half hug. "Hey, you okay?" I whispered.

She hesitated for a moment before nodding, which didn't exactly make me feel confident she was being honest... but that was par for the course since Sam had returned.  _Just add this to the pile of secrets_ , I supposed.  _So much for showing me how much better he's been._

 _"_ Want to go inside?" I asked, trying to shift the mood. "It's getting cold. We can just watch a movie. I rented Revenge of the Porpoisemen 2!"

Leah just managed another limp nod. "O...kay."

I shot another glance over my shoulder to Auntie Sue, to give her a silent signal that we were headed inside... but she was just staring hard at me. I gave up trying to communicate, and turned away, squeezing Leah's shoulder. "Don't worry, Leah, I'm sure it will be alright." 

But even as I said those words, I wasn't sure if I believed them.

☾

 


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tells Leah how he really feels…

☾

_Leah_

The look on Sam's face... I couldn't get it out of my head.  _Revenge of the Porpoise Men 2_  played in the background, utterly ignored, as I replayed that single moment over and over in my head. 

His expression as he looked at Emily. The way his body had shuddered, just like it had on the day he disappeared. The way he just took off, without even a goodbye. The strange looks of pity  everyone gave me afterwards.

It didn't make any  _sense_.

After we had headed inside, I had tried calling him, but there had been no answer at his house. Even after Paul and Jared had left, saying they were going to check on him, there had been no answer. Cold fear wrapped around me, smothering me... I didn't want this to happen again. I didn't want him to just disappear without a word. I wrapped my arms around myself, curling into a tight knot.

Emily turned and shot me a smile, but I could see the worry in her eyes. I pretended not to see her looking at me, focussing on the TV even though I wasn't watching it. As much as I loved her, I really wished she wasn't here right now. I knew once we got a moment alone, she was going to round on me, wanting to talk about it. I didn't want to think about what  _she_  thought of Sam's sudden departure. I didn't want to talk about it with anybody but Sam.

"Hey you two," Mom said as she poked her head into the living room from the kitchen. She had a red checkered dish towel in her hand, and was using it to dry off a plate. "Everything all right? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine," I growled, strangely annoyed by the offer. I just wanted to be left alone.

Emily gave me another worried look, before turning to my mom. "Do you mind if I have a drink, Auntie Sue?" she asked.

"Of course not," Mom replied cheerily. "There's plenty of soda left, and we have milk, juice, water... And I could make hot chocolate if you want..."

"Mmm, hot chocolate!" Emily enthused, but it came out a little too excitedly; I knew she was trying to trick me into cheering up. "I'll have some of that, but I can make it. Don't you want any, Leah?"

My temper flared inexplicably again, and I had to grind my teeth together to keep back the biting remarks that threatened to pour out. "No, I  _said_  I was  _fine_ —"

_Knock, knock._

Mom whirled around, turning her gaze towards the front door. "Who could that be at this hour? Did someone forget something?" She ducked out of sight.

I listened to the door open, and Mom talk softly with whoever had stopped by. I was about to tune it out, and return to obsessing over Sam, when Mom suddenly called for me.

"Leah? Could... Could you please come here?" She sounded almost upset.

I groaned with annoyance and unwound myself from my seat on the couch. I dragged my feet out of the living room, towards the door... and froze.

Sam was standing there, out on the porch. Even though both he and my mother looked strangely grim, my heart soared at the sigh of him. I rushed forward. "Sam! I was worried!"

A small smile crossed his face as he saw me, but his eyes remained strangely cold. At least his hands were warmed as they embraced me. "Hey, Leah. Sorry that I took off like that."

I chuckled, my foul mood from earlier completely chased away. "It's fine, I'm just glad you're okay. Jared and Paul said you were sick. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah," he said, but his face turned stony, like he was trying to hide a lie.

"Leah?"

Sam's eyes snapped up, and his whole body went stiff again. I turned around, and saw Emily peering around the corner.

"We should give them a moment, Emily dear," Mom said quickly, and stepped away from the door. Before she was lead out of sight by Mom, Emily give me one last, questioning glance, as if to say...  _Are you going to be okay?_

I scoffed. Why  _wouldn't_  I be okay? I was with Sam. I turned back to him, happy to be finally alone. I had plenty of questions to ask, but first... I wanted to greet him properly. I raised myself up onto my tiptoes, angling my face towards his, reaching for a kiss.

But unlike the hundreds of other times when he had happily dipped down and pressed his full, rough lips to mine... he turned away. He cleared his throat, awkwardly. "Uh... I'm feeling better, but I am still...  _sick_. I don't want to give it to you."

"Oh..." I dropped back down. It was a reasonable explanation, but it still hurt.

There was an awkward silence before Sam took a step back from the door. "Do you want to go outside for a bit?"

"S-sure." I expected him to offer me his hand, but he didn't... I just followed after him, like a pathetic lost puppy. He led me out onto the porch, then halfway up the driveway, just out of earshot of the house. It had begun to drizzle, so we ducked beneath the overhang of a large pine's branches for a bit of shelter.

For some reason, the whole situation had left me with a knot in my stomach. Something was wrong. Was he going to leave again? At least this time he had come to tell me... "So... W-what's up?" I asked, shakily.

Sam shifted uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at me. "Lee-le—... Leah, we need to talk."

Those few words...  _We need to talk_. Everyone knew what  _those_  meant. Unwilling to believe it though, I pushed on. "A... About what?"

Suddenly, Sam's face crumpled up, like he was in some great pain. I reached out to touch him, but he backed away from my outstretched arm. Wincing with rejection, I retracted my trembling hand.

"Leah... Leah, this isn't going to work," he choked out. He gasped, then inhaled sharply, with a hiss.

Tears swelled in my eyes. I swear I heard a  _crack_  as my world began to split in two. "You... You mean us?"

He nodded. "Y-Yeah," he stuttered, his voice thick. "I'm so sorry, Leah. I am so, so sorry. You deserve so much better. I'm sorry." It was too dark to tell... but I think he had started crying. Even though hearing those words was tearing me apart — pain screaming in my chest as my heart screeched to a stop — it hurt me more to witness  _him_  in pain. I would've suffered years of agony if I could spare him just one moment of it.

"Is... Is it because of your...  _secret_?"

"Yeah..." he whispered.

My breath started coming in quick, shallow gasps. "But... But one day, you can come back, right? Like before? You'll go away, but you'll come back. You'll come back to me. One day, right? Right?" My body felt like it might just crumble to dust, yet I felt strangely removed from it, like I was having an out of body experience. It all felt too close, too painful, yet also numb and distant. It didn't feel  _real_.

He didn't say anything.

This had to be a dream. A nightmare. "R-right?" My voice broke as my heart shattered.

"Not this time, Leah," he said, as cold and distant as I felt.

"No!" I screamed, the reality of it finally sinking in like a sharp knife into soft flesh, cutting me into pieces. "No, no, Sam, no! I'll wait for you. I'll wait, as long as you need me to, I'll wait for you.  _I won't give up on you! I love you!"_

"Leah," he said, his voice soft. "I love you too, believe me, I do... But you  _have_  to. You have to give up. There's no future for us."

"No..." I sobbed so hard my throat hurt. My vision began to sway. "No... Why? Why not?"

"There... there just  _isn't_. I'm sorry."

In one moment, everything was obliterated. Everything I had known was blown away, and only shadows remained. The shadows danced before me, taunting me, heaving around me like I was being tossed about on rough waves. 

My legs gave way, and I crumpled to the ground. The grass was wet, and the rain fell harder now, and the tree bough offered no protection... but I didn't care. I felt cold, but I didn't care. I felt damp, but I didn't care. I felt pain, but I didn't care. I didn't care any more. Not without Sam. Without Sam, I  _couldn't_  care. I felt like an empty husk.

I felt Sam's warm hands wrap themselves around me, and he lifted me off the ground as easily as if I were a child. As he carried me back to the house, I focussed on the warmth, savouring it, cherishing it, basking in it one last time... because I was sure that after tonight, I would never feel warm ever again.

☾


	8. Unforgivable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily is shocked by a surprise visitor.

☾

_Emily_

Silence hung heavily in the Clearwater's truck as we sped along the winding highway. My forehead was pressed against the cool glass of the passenger side window, and I was gazing out into the forest that lined the road. The sun was sinking deeper, and the purple touch of twilight began to bled through the trees, casting long shadows against the pavement. Slowly, light was leeched from the world, it all turned into a blue and grey blur as the scenery whipped past us.

 _This_  wasn't at all how I had expected the weekend to end.

Auntie Sue shifted in the driver's seat. She hadn't said a word since we had left La Push. Usually she'd pass the time by asking a million questions about me, about school, about life, about my (non-existent) love life. But now she only sat in stiff silence, focussed only on the road.

 _She must be tired,_  I told myself.  _That's why she doesn't want to talk._ _This wasn't exactly a relaxing weekend, after all... And now she has to drive three hours to take me home._  Originally, it had been Leah who was supposed to drive me back to Neah Bay on Sunday evening, but after—well, she hadn't really been up for it.

As I thought of her, Leah's tear-streaked face appeared my head, and I winced at the sight of it. It hurt me to think of her in pain, but I couldn't stop myself from remembering. Remembering that night, and how I had found her curled on the couch, wet and shivering, tearfully whispering his name, over and over and over.  _Sam. Sam. Sam._

She had looked so broken. I had no idea what exactly had happened after he had come back that evening to speak with her, but whatever he had said, it had  _broken_  her.

 _Sam_  had  _broken_  her.

Hate bubbled up in me, and my hands clenched into fists.  _How could he do that to her?! After all she's done for him, after all she's given him._ But as Leah's devastated face burned in my mind, the hate turned inwards. I couldn't help like I had failed her, somehow. I should've tried harder to protect her, to  _warn_  her, because I had known this was going to happen. Ever since the day Sam had returned, I had  _known_  that he was going to end up breaking Leah's heart. With all his hiding, with all his secrets. It was just a matter of time.

And now the time had come, and I was proven right. But there was no desire to gloat. My chest ached as I thought of Leah. I had seen how deep the roots went in Leah and Sam's relationship. It must be indescribably painful to rip them all out.

 _This was all his fault,_  an angry voice in my head hissed.  _Sam is to blame for_ all _of this._   _Damn him. Damn him to Hell._

Just as I cursed his name, he flashed before my eyes. I jolted up in my seat, startled. It was just for a moment, but I swore I had just seen him in the passing shadows of the forest.

"What's the matter, Emily?" Auntie Sue asked, breaking her silence at last.

"I-I thought I saw someone," I muttered, and relaxed into the seat again.  _But that's impossible,_  my rational self told me.  _All the way out here, in the rainy, dark woods, miles from any town? No way._  "I-It was probably just my eyes playing tricks on me."

"You must be tired," Auntie Sue offered. Her voice was oddly distant, missing all of it's usual cheerfulness. "I know this wasn't exactly a  _fun_  weekend, but I appreciate you staying to help with Leah's..." Her voice trailed away, leaving me to fill in the blank.

"It's fine," I said, fighting back the blush that rose in my cheeks. "I didn't really do anything. I just sat there." It hadn't been like last time, when Sam had disappeared. Then, Leah had cried a lot, but she was still willing to  _talk_. This time... she just kind of  _shut down_. She barely managed to say more than five words for the whole weekend.

"You sat  _with_  her, and that's exactly what she needed. Someone to be  _with_  her," Auntie Sue countered. Suddenly, her cool voice cracked. "Emily, please... She needs you, now more than ever. Whatever happens, please  _never_  forget your friendship with Leah."

I nodded stiffly, stunned by Auntie Sue's sudden swell of emotion. She sounded really worried, but I wasn't sure why; I could think of nothing that could destroy the friendship that Leah and I had. We were  _sisters_.

Auntie Sue blinked away the tears, and smiled weakly before turning back to the road. "You'll need to be strong for her. Things aren't going to be...  _easy_  from here on out."

"What do you mean?" I asked softly; all this weird, ominous talk was making me anxious.

She just shook her head. "It's going to be hard for her."

Sighing, I turned back to the window. "I know." _  
_

Auntie Sue said nothing else after that, and the rest of the drive passed quietly.

It was dark by the time we pulled up to my house, and the almost-full Moon loomed overhead, casting my muddy driveway in it's pale blue light.

"Thanks for the ride," I said as I slung my bag over my shoulder and slid out of the truck cab. "Tell Leah I hope she feels better, and if she needs to talk she can call me."

"I will," Auntie Sue replied, her face still deathly serious. "Stay safe and stay strong, okay?"

"Sure," I mumbled awkwardly. I closed the door, then waved as the truck rumbled back to life and pulled away. After she was out of sight, I muttered under my breath, "What the  _heck_  was that all about?"

A deep, husky voice came from behind me. "I have some idea..."

I whipped around, startled. Standing there, right between my house and me, was  _Sam_. Despite the chill of spring night, he was only wearing a thin t-shirt and a pair of ratty sweatpants... But that wasn't as odd as the expression on his face; he looked way too  _happy_  to see me.

"You scared me half to death!" I snapped. "What are you  _doing_  here?"

Sam's lips twitched, like he wasn't sure if he should smile or frown. "I came to see you."

My own mouth turned down into a scowl, and I felt my teeth grind together. "Why? There's no way I am helping you get back together with Leah... She's better off  _without_  you. You  _completely_  broke her heart, you know. "

"I know," he said. His lips seemed to finally decide and settled into a grimace. His brow pushed down too, his eyes turning to the ground. "I am truly sorry for the pain I caused her. But it just wasn't meant to be."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're kidding, right? 'Meant to be'? You think it was  _destiny_  that made you break my cousin's heart?!"

"Unfortunately..." he said, his low voice rumbling with each syllable. He snapped his eyes up to mine. They smouldered like embers, and my heart involuntarily skipped a beat. "It was."

The anger returned, half because of him, half because of my traitor heart. "Coward!" I sneered. "You think you can just toss Leah aside because of 'destiny'? Get  _real_. You  _chose_  to ditch her. Just own up to it and save yourself the trouble." I charged towards my house, regardless that he was still standing between it and me. As I passed by, I threw my shoulder out to knock him out of the way.

It was like hitting a brick wall. Instead of  _him_  stumbling back, it was  _me_ that was sent flailing. My shoulder burned in pain from the impact, and I staggered, trying to regain my footing. My foot hit a spot of slick mud, and my legs went out from under me—

The next second, I was in Sam's arms. He was cradling me like I was his bride and he was about to carry me over the threshold. He looked incredibly pleased with himself.

For a moment, too stunned to do anything, we just stared at each other... Until I realized where I was. I began to struggle against his grip. 

"Let me go!" I screamed. "Let me go this instant!"

He did exactly as I asked, placing me gently back on my feet. "Sorry," he said. "You were going to fall into the mud..."

That was true;  I  _was_  going to fall, but he had caught me.  _Somehow_. "Well, whatever, I'm at home, I could've changed in two seconds." I grumbled, trying to maintain my anger in the face of his kindness. "But thanks, I guess."

Without another word, I span around and began to stomp away again. I was eager to get inside. This little encounter was  _super_  weird.

"Wait!" Sam called.

His voice wasn't angry, but it had a strange pull. It was a  _commanding_  tone, and it made me come to an immediate stop. I hesitated, then turned around to face him. " _What?_ " I snapped.

"I came to see you," he repeated.

"And? You've seen me. Now  _go home_."

"I came to see you because I wanted to  _talk_  to you. Will you please listen to me?"

"Will you go home if I do?"

"I will."

"Then fine," I said, crossing my arms. "Speak."

He walked forwards until he was standing so close I could feel  _the_   _heat._  Leah had mentioned before that Sam was unusually hot these days, but I didn't think she had meant literally. And, holy crow, the boy was tall up close. I had to crane my head up to look him in the eyes.

"I know you're upset with me for hurting Leah," he began. "I don't blame you for that... I know how close Leah and you are. But I need you to listen,  _really listen_ , to what I'm about to say."

Chills tingled up my spine; he wasn't joking around. "Okay... I'm listening."

A small smile broke across his lips for only a moment, then immediately disappeared as he continued. "I loved Leah. No... I still do. But, sometimes, things aren't going to work between two people, no matter how much they love each other. Something... Something  _happens_... and you realize that you were meant to be with someone else, all along."

I realized my heart was racing. I crossed my arms tighter, trying to suppress it.  _What was happening to me?_ It felt like something—deep and primal, in the back of my mind—was lying in wait, about to pounce. "And?" I spat out, trying to ignore my body's weird responses. 

"And..." he glanced down briefly, before returning his deep, sinking eyes to mine. "That person is you, Emily."

My heart stuttered, and then picked up again in double pace. The way he said my name... His deep voice wrapped around the simple syllables like they were delicate and precious. I tried to focus, but my heart was thumping so loud that I could hear it pounding in my ears. "P... Pardon?"

Sam's face fluctuated, cycling through a range of emotions. I only managed to catch a few in the dim moonlight: sadness, worry, and— 

"I  _love_  you, Emily. I had to leave Leah because it wasn't fair to her. Because I love  _you_."

It felt like my heart burst from my chest and took off, soaring high into the clouds— before reality wrapped it's cold, wiry fingers around it and dragged it back to Earth. "You broke up with Leah for... For  _me_?"

Sam nodded.

The tingles, the elation all faded suddenly, consumed by the hungry flame of  _anger_. I felt my cheeks flood with heat as I thought about it. About him. About  _Leah_. "You... have... got... to... be... kidding... me..." I stammered.

Sam blinked, like he was surprised. A cruel laugh rose in my throat, but I fought it back.  _W_ _hat did he think my reaction was going to be?_ _Did he think I'd be_ eager _to betray her?_ _Did he think I'd be_ happy  _he decided to dump my cousin—my_ best friend _, my_ sister _—so he could try and date **me** instead? _ _It was abominable, unthinkable, unforgivable..._

"There is no way I am going to date you, Sam Uley," I snarled. "If this is what made you break up with Leah, then forget it! Forget about me and go back to her, because it's never going to happen!"

"Emily—"

I shook my head hard, my long black ponytail whipping around my face. "No! NO! Leave! Get out of my sight  _right now,_ you piece of _—_ "

My eyes locked on his as I readied a torrent of insults, but the look on his face made it all screech to a stop. His eyes were gleaming in the moonlight as his face crumpled in pain. He looked utterly wounded, like I had just slashed him with a knife.

Immediately, a wild urge rose up in me. It made me want to rush forward, wrap my arms around his thick chest, and  _comfort_  him. I shook my head wildly again, trying to fight the bizarre urge off. "Just leave, okay? Just go."

Sam began backing away, his head hanging low. Then he paused, like he had remembered something, and looked at me. "If you tell me to never come back, to leave forever, I will. Never seeing you again will cause me great pain, but I will do it. For you. If that is what you truly want."

 _That would be best,_ the rational voice in my head whispered.  _You'd never have to deal with him again... I mean, if he keeps his word._ But just looking at him, somehow I knew he  _would_  keep his word. 

But the thought that I might actually never see him again incited another voice, deep in the shadows of my primal mind; it said nothing but released a single, agonized cry.

My thoughts were a tangle of knots. I couldn't think straight. 

"Just... go..." I choked out.

Sam's face tightened, and he waited a moment, to see if I would say anything else. When I didn't, a small smile flickered at his lips before he turned and ran. I watched him go until he was out of sight.

☾

 


	9. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily tells Leah about the strange new she's just received.

☾

_Leah_

_Ba-dump._

_Ba-dump._

_Ba-dump._

I awoke to the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears. I didn't understand how it was still beating. Hadn't it been destroyed? Hadn't it been burned till only ashes remained?

I didn't understand how my eyes still produced tears, wetting my raw cheeks as they rolled across. Hadn't I exhausted my supply? Hadn't I wrung my body of water until it was so dried up that I might crumble away? 

I didn't understand how I could still feel, think,  _be_. I didn't understand how any part of me still  _existed._ Hadn't I been obliterated? Hadn't my life been wiped clean off this Earth?

Yet here I was, sprawled pathetically across my bed, my eyes sore, my phantom heart pulsing in my should-be empty chest. I was here, though it didn't seem possible that I could still exist after all that had passed. Every part of me felt hollow and far away, yet smothering and too close.

The pain seemed to spike, viciously spearing through me, when I remember just  _why_  I felt like this.

Sam.

Sam.

Sam. Sam.  _Sam_.

He had left me. Discarded me. Thrown me away.

Fresh, miraculous tears welled in my eyes.  _How could he? Why would he?_ Didn't he know that I loved him, utterly, wholly, completely? That I loved him more than I could ever love myself?A sob rose in my aching throat, and my breath hitched. My heartbeat seemed to ring dully in my ears. It stopped abruptly, and for a second I worried—Did this mean it had finally given out? A short wave of relief washed over me, until—

"Leah!" Mom called. "Phone! It's Emily!"

 _Ah. So, th_ _e ringing hadn't been my heart_ , I thought. I tried to call back to her, but I couldn't. I tried will myself to sit up, but my body protested.

"Leah? Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I croaked, finally, but I wasn't sure she could hear me. My voice was a raspy whisper.

I heard her mutter something, probably to Emily, and then footsteps in the hall as she headed towards my room. She poked her head in, and I turned to look at her.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft. "So you  _are_  awake. Are you up for a chat with Emily?"

Again I tried to move. This time my body listened, and I was able to I right myself. But as soon as I sat up, my strength drained away and I had to rest my heavy head on my knees. "I'm not sure..."

Mom tilted her head to the side, her brow folding together. "You should  _try_. She's worried about you. And you should at least talk to  _someone_. You've already missed two days of school..."

"Okay," I conceded. I didn't have the energy to refuse, anyway. "Sure."

A ghost of a smile pulled at her lips. "I'll let her know. The phone will be waiting in the kitchen," she said, before disappearing again, the sounds of her footfalls drifting away.

I stayed where I was for another moment, listening to the sound of the rain as it pattered at my windows, trying to prepare my body for the walk to the kitchen; the effort it would take, it might as well have been a walk all the way to Forks. But I did as I was asked, swinging my heavy legs over the edge of the bed and getting to my feet.

For a second, I was overcome. My head swam and I teetered where I stood. But I stumbled to the wall and leaned against it to stabilize myself. Then I took a few deep breaths, made my way through the door and down the hall. 

The kitchen was empty when I got there; I glanced out the window and saw that the car was gone as well. Mom must've left... But the phone was still sitting off the hook, waiting for me.

I stared at the phone, debating picking it up. I couldn't imagine what Emily had to say. She must realize I wasn't ready to talk. She had texted on Monday morning, wondering how I was feeling, and I hadn't even replied.

But I knew she wouldn't let me be until I told her myself, so I pushed myself further into the kitchen, and grabbed the phone. There was no chair nearby, so I just sank to the floor with it, before held it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I breathed.

"Leah!" Emily cheered, sounding almost surprised. "For a second I wasn't sure if you were coming! I was about to hang up."

"Mhm," was all I could manage.

"How are you doing?" she asked, her voice now gentle. "I haven't heard from you for a few days."

An unplaceable anger welled up in me suddenly. "How did you  _think_?" I snapped.

Emily was quiet for a bit, but she ignored my outburst as she continued. "Auntie Sue said you haven't been going to school..."

"I can't..."

"Why not?"

Did I really have to  _say_  it? "You know why..." I grumbled. "Because of  _Sam_. I can't face him. Not now. Maybe not ever."

"Leah..." For the first time in a long while, I heard anger in her voice. "You need to forget about him. He's not worth it."

I snorted at the absurdity of that statement. "How do  _you_  know what's 'worth' it for me?"

There was another pause on her end. "Leah," she started, finally. "I didn't really want to say anything about this until later, but you should know. Sam came to see me."

I awoke from my daze with a jolt. "Excuse me?"

"Sam came to see me," she repeated, her voice oddly flat. "And... And he told me something really strange. Really  _awful_."

"What?" I demanded, shifting in spot on the floor. "What? What did he say?"

"He..." Emily stuttered. "He... He told me why he broke up with you."

My heart seized, like had it had been run through by a great knife. "...Why...?" I whimpered, trying to prepare myself for another blow.

"Because he said he had fallen in love with me."

It was odd. For one singular moment, everything—my pain, my heartache—melted away, and I was left numb and confused. I blinked at the floor, like I half expected that it would disappear and I would suddenly realize that I had been dreaming. But it didn't, leaving me even  _more_  confused. 

"He said... what?"

"Sam said that he had fallen in love with me," Emily restated. "That's why he had to break up with you."

My numbness was gone. There was a snap inside me—I could swear I heard it, like a match had struck—and a fire lit deep down. My tears, my weakness, evaporated, consumed and turned to steam by a hot flame that rose through me. Anger replaced my sadness, fury replaced my heartache, rage replaced my pain. 

"That... That... That son of a—" I sputtered, too angry to speak properly. "You can't be serious!"

"I am, unfortunately," Emily said, seemingly not at all bothered by my obvious rage.

"He's... He's  _horrible_ ," I snarled, the flame rising higher. "He's horrible! I can't believe him. What did you say?"

"I told him to get lost," Emily replied.

"Good," I spat viciously. Imagining his pain made me feel better. " _Good_. I cant believe he would do that. I can't believe he's such a jerk. I can't believe I  _trusted_  him all these years. He's horrible!"

"Definitely horrible," Emily agreed, but once again her voice sounded flat, but it cheered up as she continued. "But that's exactly why you need to forget about him. You deserve better!"

"You're right," I said, agreeing with her for once. "You're absolutely right." It felt like the fire had found its way into my veins; I was suddenly full of energy. I hopped off the stool, unable to sit still.

"I'm glad to hear it," she said, sounding relieved.

I paced back and forth, wearing down a short distance that the phone cord would allow. "So... So did he say why?" I asked.

"Not... really," she said. "He tried to explain but it didn't make any sense."

"What exactly did he say?" I demanded, shifting the phone from my left ear to my right, then back again.

Emily sighed. "He said that you two weren't meant to be, that he was meant to be with me."

The fire roared up, like it had suddenly found a pile of wood doused in gasoline, and I was stunned into silence. I wished, briefly, that Sam was here... Not like before, where I had wished that he was here so I could make him understand how much I loved him. I wished he was here so I could  _punch him in his stupid freaking face._

"What?" I said finally, my voice rough, almost a growl. "What does that even mean?"

I could almost hear Emily shake her head. "I don't even know."

The urge to punch Sam intensified. No, not just Sam. I was ready to punch  _anyone_  right now. I wanted to fight, and jump, and run... Yes...  _Run_... I wanted to run now,  _desperately_. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't resist.

"Em, I have to go."

"Huh?" She sounded surprised. 

"I need to get out of the house," I explained. "I need to go for a run, blow off some steam."

"But we—" she protested, then sighed. Her voice sounded half resigned, half relieved when she spoke again. "No, go for your run. It's good that you want to go out. Enjoy it, feel better, and call me later."

"Will do. Bye." I didn't wait for her farewell to hang up. I couldn't hover in the kitchen any longer. As soon as the ancient phone was on its cradle, I was running back to my bedroom. I threw off the same pyjamas I had been wearing for three days, and changed into the closest sweat pants and t-shirt.

There was a second when I debated wearing a jacket. It was, after all, still raining. But I decided against it. I was feeling rather...  _warm_. The cool rain would feel nice.

I pulled on some socks then headed back down the hall, stopping in the mudroom to shove my feet into my running sneakers. I didn't even pause to stretch. As soon as I was out the door, I was running. My feet carried me like they had somewhere to be, barely touching the ground as I tore across the driveway and onto the road. The rain quickly soaked through my clothes, but I didn't care. My muscles ached from lack of use, but I didn't care. My lungs burned from sucking in the cold air, but I didn't care. I needed this. I loved this. I wanted to run, and run, and run... Until I was free.

I was going to free myself of Sam Uley.

☾


	10. Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam shows Emily the truth about himself.

☾

_Emily_

Each one of my steps dragged slow and methodically across the ground, like this was the first time I had walked upright in my whole life. But no matter how slow I walked, I knew there was no avoiding it. Each footstep took me close to exactly where I didn't want to be.

Home.

Even though it was after school and I had nowhere else to go, I didn't  _want_  to go home... Because I knew  _he_  would be there, waiting for me. I didn't know  _how_  I knew, but I did. Dawdling was my only choice as I racked my brain to come up with some way to push him away for good.

I remembered that he had said that if I orderedhim—like a  _dog_ —to stay away, that he would obey. But what weight could I put on that? Would that be enough? Would he  _actually_  obey my order? I couldn't be sure, so I needed to have a back up. My mind tangled up on itself as I tried to come up with another plan.

But any fragments of a plan was wiped from my mind as soon as I came into view of my house and my eyes fell on him.

Sam was there, just as I expected, sitting on the steps to my front door, waiting patiently. I debated just turning around and running away, but just as I began to inch away, his head snapped up and his dark eyes fixed on me. It was like he had  _heard_  me coming even though I was still yards away.

He stood up from his seat on the steps, smiled widely, and waved at me.

I groaned. There was no escaping now, so I went over to him. "Why are you here?" I asked, even though I was sure I already knew.

"I came to see you," he confirmed, without even an ounce of shame.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me," I growled back, trying to sound intimidating. "Do I need to get a restraining order?"

He didn't even flinch. "You never ordered me to," he replied simply, though his smile faltered. "But I will if you want. Give me the order and I'm gone. For good."

It was true that I  _hadn't_  given him the order.  _Why hadn't I?_  I wondered.  _I should've._   _I should do it right now._  But I couldn't make my mouth form the words. Instead I spat out, "You're an  _idiot_."

"I never said I wasn't," he said and just smirked at me, calm as could be. "I just want to talk, Emily. Please?"

"Well, I don't," I snapped, but then I remembered my half-plan from earlier. "Unless..."

His eyes brightened with hope. "Unless?" he repeated, his voice eager.

"Unless you tell me why you left Leah," I demanded. I hoped that by demanding that information he had refused to share with Leah, that he would be forced to retreat.

His smile fell away completely, and his deep, dark eyes wavered in the light. "I already told you... Because we weren't meant to be."

"I know there's more to it than  _that_ ," I replied. "Tell me, or—" I stopped mid-sentence as my heart gave a twinge, but I pushed on, fighting against it, "—or you're not allowed to ever speak to me again.  _That's_  an order. Tell me right now, or this is the last time you'll ever see me, Sam Uley!"

Sam's face tightened, like it was painful for him to process the words I had said. "Fine," he breathed at last. "But it's a long story."

I rolled my eyes. "Then I guess you better get on with it."

He just sighed, but continued. "Do you remember the legends of the Quileute? The ones about the wolves?"

I gave him a weird look. "Yeah..." I said carefully.  _Of course I did._  Uncle Harry used to tell them to Leah, Seth, and I when we were children. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

Sam swallowed hard, then leaned in close to me; I wanted to flinch away, but something held me fast. "They're  _true,_ " he breathed in my ear.

Feeling his hot breath in my ear startled me, and it took me a moment to actually process what he had said. When I did, I burst into laughter. 

His brow mashed together as he watched me laugh and laugh and laugh.

"You're... Kidding..." I gasped between giggles.  _Did he really think I was that gullible?_ I would've been insulted but it was more just funny. "You've... Got... To... Be... Kidding..."

He didn't seem as amused. Something about the way he looked at me stopped my giggling short. His eyes seemed to be pulling me in again. I half expected to leave the ground and fall right in.

"It'sall true. The wolves, the magic, the imprinting... All the legends are true." he said, grumbling. "I can  _prove_  it to you."

I knew—just  _knew_ , because really? Werewolves?—that it couldn't be true, but the way he said it, so serious, so sincere, made it all sound like it was.

"Then do it," I challenged, my voice barely a whisper. "Prove it."

He glanced around, looking at each one of my neighbours' houses, and gave his head a little shake. "Not here. We have to go somewhere  _private_."

As a fact on a page, it would've sounded like a bad idea to go with a guy I didn't really know to some secluded place. But there was some certainty in me, a trustful voice, that believed I would be safe with him. I could trust him, at least a little.

But just to be careful...

"I know somewhere we can go," I said.

☾

Fortunately, my dad's truck was left in the driveway, so I borrowed the keys and drove Sam and I to the edge of town. There was a little patch of woods there, and a little clearing just inside. I used to play there as a kid with Leah and my cousin Sophie. Sophie's family lived nearby, even now, and that was why I chose it. I thought that they might  _hear_  me if I  _screamed_.

In fact, Sophie was just leaving the house as we pulled up.

"Emily!" she called as I climbed out. Sam stayed in the car, and I was glad he did. "Is that you?"

"Yeah!" I called back, and waved.

"I'm on my way out, but my parents are home," she shouted.

For a second, I was confused.  _Oh_ , I thought, realizing.  _She must think I'm here to talk to them_. I just nodded vaguely, not bothering to correct her. I could see her squint at the figure in my car, trying to figure out who it was; I hoped she couldn't... She was a bit of a gossip.

But she just gave up, shrugged, waved again, and then got into her beat up Pontiac Acadian.

Sam waited until she had pulled away before he got out. "Who was that?" he asked.

"My cousin Sophie," I replied. "Have you met her before? She's  _Leah's_  cousin too." I added a sharpness to her name, and jabbed out at him with it.

He winced accordingly. "I thought she looked familiar," he murmured. 

Though I thought it would cheer me up, but seeing him uncomfortable didn't actually make me feel any better. "Let's go," I said, moving on.

I headed down the thin, worn path that led to the clearing. I glanced at Sophie's house a few times, to make sure no one else was watching, before slipping beneath the branches of the trees. Sam followed after me.

Under the green canopy, the air was heavy and damp, and it smelled strongly of earth. It was only a short walk until we came upon the clearing. A few fallen tree trunks, covered in moss, were stacked against one side, row upon row like theatre seating. It looked a lot smaller now that I was an adult, but it was still a fair sized circle of worn earth. 

"Here," I said, stepping into the centre of the clearing. "Is this private enough?"

"This is perfect," Sam said, a smile creeping across his face as he inspected it.

"Then show me," I commanded. "Prove the legends, or never speak to me again."

The smile slipped away again. He looked around the clearing. "Alright, but you're going to need to step back."

"Step back?"

His eyes were dark and serious again. "I'm going to need a lot of room to do this."

I rolled my eyes, but did as he asked. I crawled up the stack of logs, sat at the very top, and watched as Sam moved to the middle of the clearing. He shifted his weight around for a bit, and cleared his throat, but didn't seem to make any of the grand movements I was expecting.

"Any time now," I sneered.

He just cleared his throat again, and looked at me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was  _blushing._  

"Actually, can you c-cover your eyes for a minute?"

"What?" I snapped. "Why?"

His face darkened; yeah, he was  _definitely_  blushing. "If I transform into a—" his lips moved but no sound came out. He tried again, and failed again, so he just cleared his throat and moved on. "If I change while I am still dressed, it will destroy all my clothing. So I need... I need to take them  _off_  first."

Now  _my_  face felt hot. "You're going to get  _naked_? No! No way!"

"But—" Sam started, but shook his head, stopping himself. "Here, I have an idea." He darted off, past me, deeper into the woods. "I'll be right back," he called over his shoulder.

He was gone before I could object.

There a moment of silence—if you didn't count the chatter of the birds, or rustling of leaves—before a strange sound, like something big  _ripping_  open, shot through the quiet. All birds took flight in a rush, startled by the noise. I just stayed where I was, atop the stack of logs, my nails digging into the mossy bark.

Though I was watching over my left shoulder, at the place Sam had disappeared, something moved to the right of me. I whipped around.

"Oh!" I gasped.

An enormous black wolf was hulking out of the trees. Though it was huge, bigger than any wolf I had  _ever_  seen, it made hardly any sound as it moved across the earthen floor of the forest.

The thing was like a shadow come to life, with it's black fur and black eyes. The only thing that broke up the oppressive darkness was the odd mass of fabric hanging out of his mouth. As I looked closer, I realized that it was the blue t-shirt and jeans that Sam had been wearing only moments ago.

I was frozen where I sat, unable to move. It looked over at me with its dark eyes; I looked back, seeking confirmation. The eyes looked intelligent... Familiar...

The black wolf had Sam's deep, dark eyes.

 _It's all true_ , his words from earlier echoed in my mind.  _The wolves, the magic, the imprinting... All the legends are true._

 _Imprinting_...The word stuck in my mind. The legends about  _that_  were the ones I remembered the most. My favourite legend—the one with the chief who couldn't choose a wife, so our magic chose for him—was all about imprinting. I remembered how it was described, how powerful it was. How it tied you to someone, and you couldn't fight it or deny it, unless you wanted to suffer unimaginable pain.

 _It's all true,_  his words came again.

The black wolf's eyes were fixed on me still, and it made a small noise, almost like a whimper. It rose up at the end, like a question. It sounded like it— _he_ —was saying,  _See?_

The realization hit hard. 

It  _was_  all true.

Sam  _had_  imprinted on me.

 _I_  was the one our magic had chosen for  _him_.

 _How could I doubt him now?_  I thought, staring at the impossible beast before me. As soon as I thought it, a single image appeared in my mind. It was Leah, her cheeks tear-stained, curled up in her bed. Her heart broken. Again.

All because of Sam.

Suddenly I didn't care that Sam was a wolf. I didn't care that whatever magic—incredible though it was—had transformed him, had now deigned me to be his future...  _something_  or other!

Didn't I get a say? Didn't Leah?

Regardless of what the magic wanted, I knew he was not mine for the taking. He was Leah's.

"No," I mumbled aloud. My voice grew louder as I babbled on. "No, this isn't good enough. This doesn't change anything!"

Sam grumbled back, the end pitching up again in question.  _Huh?_

"We can never be together, Sam," I huffed, stumbling over the logs as I quickly climbed down, scrambling towards even ground. "I can't accept your feelings. It's not right." My sneakers found the dirt floor of the forest and I scampered across the clearing, past the giant wolf... It towered over me. My head didn't even reach the top of his shoulder.

He grumbled again and dropped the clothes as be began to trot alongside me as I returned down the path.

"Go away," I whispered, just before the tree line. "Just go away." I stepped out, back into the day, and Sam did not follow.

I rushed up the path, back to the car and hopped inside. I locked the doors, not wanting Sam to try and jump in, and started the car, peeling out as fast as the old truck could handle. I didn't stop until I reached home again. Thankfully, Sam was not waiting there.

I sat in the car, trying to put the pieces together in my head. Back in my driveway, everything seemed so ordinary again. It seemed impossible that this was actually happening. Sam Uley—my best friend's ex-boyfriend—was really a werewolf, and he had imprinted on me, which, by ancient tribal law meant he was destined to be my  _soul mate_  or something.

 _No. This couldn't be real..._  But the memory of the giant wolf quickly reminded me that I was wrong. I hit the steering wheel in frustration.

Whatever the truth, I needed to at least tell Leah that Sam had been back. She deserved to know, and I didn't want to hide anything from her. I reached into my coat pocket for my phone, and pulled it out. But as my fingers hovered over the keys, something stirred within me, something deep and instinctual, and stopped me. 

 _Keep the secret..._  it whispered. 

I didn't  _want_  to keep any secret from Leah, but how could I tell her the whole truth?  _Okay, fine_ , I muttered, arguing with the voice, which made me feel both crazy and stupid.  _But only because she would think I was_ nuts _if I told her about the wolf... thing._

Instead, I settled for a short, simple message. 

_Sam came to see me again._

I sent it, undid my seat belt, and got out of the car. My phone buzzed in my palm as I was walking up the steps to the door. A response from Leah had already arrived.

**Leah:** _AgaIn? Wat did u say??_

I thought of all the things I had said to Sam. So many of them wouldn't make any sense if she didn't know what I had seen that afternoon... But there was one thing I could share, and it would be more than enough to ease her mind. I quickly typed it out.

**Emily:** _I told him to go away._

Hopefully this time he would listen.

☾


	11. Slipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes Emily an offer she just can't refuse.

☾

 _Emily_  

When I arrived home from school the next day, I found Sam standing at the end of my driveway, waiting for me. Again. Taking a deep breath, I readied myself to walk past him like he wasn't even there. I kept my eyes fixed forward as I hurried past him.

"Emily," Sam said with a nod of his head as I breezed past. "I want to talk."

I stopped suddenly, and was immediately frustrated with myself for stopping. "Sam," I replied, slowly turning to face him. "Why are you back? I thought told you to go away."

Sam looked at his feet. "You did, but you didn't  _order_  me to go away," he said, quietly, before he looked up again and caught my eyes with his. "You can though. Say the words, and I'm gone."

I just looked at him. Yes, as always, that was an option. After seeing his true form—his  _wolf_  form—I no longer doubted that there was actual truth to the story he had told me. About how I had the power to turn him away forever, because he had  _imprinted_  on me. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

"If you left forever, you'd be leaving  _Leah_  behind as well," I said, trying to sound disinterested. "And I don't want that."

His brow fell together. "We're not going to do this again, are we?"

"Do  _what_  again?" I asked, with fake innocence. My frustration bled into anger, and the urge to yell at him rose too.

"How dare you—" I began, but just as I started, I spotted my mom standing in the kitchen window. Her gaze was fixed downwards, and she hadn't spotted us, but I didn't definitely  _want_  her to. That'd bring up too many awkward questions.

I grabbed Sam's arm and dragged him to the side of the house—where no one could see us—before I let him go.

"You can't be here," I hissed, stepping back from him. "You should leave."

"Why?" he asked, though he didn't look confused at all.

Was he challenging me to say what I was really thinking out loud? I wasn't afraid to. "Because I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea."

"And what  _idea_  would that be?" he prodded. "That you're hanging out with me?"

"Exactly," I shot back. "Which is why you shouldn't be here."

Sam folded his arms and tilted his head. "So, why don't we go somewhere else?" he said with a smirk, like it was the simplest thing in the world to do. Like we could just walk down the street to the local diner, like no one would care, or even notice.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Who said I'd go anywhere with you again?"

The cocky smile on Sam's face fell away. "I just want to  _talk_."

The temptation to just send him away was strong, but something made me hesitate. This  _thing_  we had going... It couldn't continue like this. I couldn't keep sending him away, and then let him come creeping back. If he was insistent on returning again and again, then I had to use the opportunity to do  _something_  about this... There  _had_  to be something I could do.

In my heart, I already knew what I should be doing. "Fine. Actually, I want to talk to you too," I said. "Wait here." I span around and darted around the corner of my house, then climbed the front steps and slipped inside.

"Welcome home, dear," Mom said as I came in, like I always did. She was washing dishes at the sink. "How was school?"

"Fine," I said, trying to sound casual. "Hey, do you mind if I borrow the car this afternoon?"

Mom stopped washing and turned to look at me. "What for?"

"I-I," I stuttered. I quickly searched my brain for a reason. "I wanted to go and hang out with Sophie, and it looks like it might rain soon."

With a nod, Mom returned to the sink. "Yes, that's fine. The keys are on the hook. Just be back for dinner at six, or call if you're staying over there for dinner."

"Right," I said, barely listening as I snatched the keys and tore back outside. I slunk around the corner again, where Sam was still waiting.

"Well?"

"I've got my mom's car. Meet me at the corner of the block, and then I can drive you."

"Okay," Sam agreed, and started heading down my driveway.

I ran to catch up to him and pulled him back. "No! Don't go  _that_  way! Cut through the forest!"

He gave me a strange look. "Why?"

"Because someone will see you!"

"You need to worry less about what people think of you," he said, but did as I asked, wading into the brush and disappearing amongst the trees. I waited for a minute, making sure he stayed out of sight, before heading back to the driveway and the car. I unlocked the door and slid inside, waving to Mom in the window before I started it and pulled out.

I drove slowly down the block, checking the woods for Sam. I found him waiting on the corner, by the stop sign, just like I told him to. As I slowed to a stop at the sign, Sam came to the passenger side door and got in.

"Where to?" he asked as he pulled the seat belt across his body. There were leaves in his hair... I found myself wanting to brush them away, before I caught myself and shrugged the stupid urge off.

With no better option, and Sophie still on my mind from the excuse I had given my mother, there was only one place I could think of. "Let's just go back to the woods," I said. "It's nice and isolated there."

"Fine," he said, with a solemn nod.

As I pulled away from the stop sign, I added, "Did you know you have leaves in your hair?"

☾

The rest of the drive passed in relative silence, the hum of the radio filling the quiet of the car. I made sure to take the less busy side roads, making sure that no one saw us.

There were no cars in the driveway at Sophie's, meaning no one was home. Excellent.

"So," he began as he climbed out. A smile pulled at his full lips. "Is this our regular spot?"

Thinking of it that way made me feel terribly guilty. "It's convenient, that's all," I said, and hurried down the path that lead to the woods. He kept pace as I quickly made my way beneath the boughs, into the deep green shadow of the forest. I didn't stop, or even look back, until we had reached the clearing.

There were a few stray beams of light puncturing the green canopy, creating tiny little spotlights that scattered across the forest floor. It was quickly turning into spring, and everything felt so lush and magical... Which is not at all what I wanted. I would've preferred everything to be grey, brown, and barren. Dried up and dead.

"Wow," Sam breathed as he sidled up to me. "This place is really someth—"

"You need to go back to her," I said, cutting him off. "You need to go back to Leah."

Sam released a great breath. "I  _can't_. You know that. I can't pretend this—" he waved his finger, drawing a line through the air between us, "—never happened. It did, and and it changed everything."

"Can't you just  _try_?"

"It's not that simple, Emily," he said, his dark eyes staring deep into mine. "I'd be completely  _lying_  to her. And I've tried that, just because hurting her seemed worse—but it wasn't.  _Lying_  was worse. I couldn't do it to her." He paused to inhale, his breath coming in fast gasps. "You—you have no idea what it's  _like_."

I wanted to shout back some retort, but I didn't have one. Truth was, I  _didn't_  know what it was like for him to be living with this wolf thing. "You're right, I don't," I admitted, but my voice got stronger as I challenged him  _back_. "So why don't you tell me?"

"Alright," Sam said easily, not even phased. "I'll try to explain what it's like to try and deny your very nature."

I made a show of walking over to the logs and finding a spot, settling back for a long story. He rolled his eyes... But as they settled, they settled low, carefully studying the mossy earth.

"Emily, have you ever been in love?" he asked. His voice was soft, sincere.

Immediately, I felt heat rush to my cheeks. I thought of the few boys who had come and gone in my life. Over the years, I had had plenty of crushes, several admirers, as well as a boyfriend or two. I had made attempts at dating, but it had never been serious. It had never been  _real_.

After a long moment, I answered. "No," I said, quietly.

"No?" Sam's mouth twitched slightly, like he wanted to smile. "Never?"

I shook my head. "Never."

"Well, then it's going to be harder to explain." Sam said, and ran his hands through his hair. "Okay, how about this... It may not be  _romantically_ , but you still must have someone you  _love_. Someone who, without them, you'd be absolutely lost."

I thought about it. Of course, I loved my parents dearly, and I would be devastated if they died... But I could tell that wasn't what he meant. They were important, they were part of me, but I always knew that someday I would have to make it on my own. No, what Sam was talking about was different.

Then I realized it. There was one person who was more than just a  _part_  of me, they were  _half_  of me. Without them, I'd be torn in two. My sister, my confidante, my best friend in the whole world...

"Yeah, there is," I said. "Leah."

Sam's face fell, and all the playfulness in his eyes was snuffed out. He quickly regained himself. "Of course," he continued. "Now, what would you do if Leah were to... leave? Forever? What if you do if you might never see her again?"

To humour him, I did my best to imagine a world where I might never see Leah again. A sharp stab of pain ripped through me, powerful enough to seize my lungs and catch my breath. A world without my best friend seemed horribly empty.

"Exactly," Sam said. He was watching my face intently; I could see myself mirrored in his own features, like my pain was his own. "Losing that person would be like having a part of yourself die, right?"

There was a huge lump in my throat; I couldn't trust my voice not to break, so I just nodded again.

"Imprinting... is just like that, except ten, twenty—No, a  _hundred_  times stronger." He kept his eyes on me, refusing to break our gaze. I was held fast, unable to look away. "The person you imprint on is more than just a part of you. They are the whole thing. They are  _everything._ They are the world around you. They are the air you breathe, the blood in your veins, the flesh on your bone, the ground you stand on, and the gravity that holds you there. With them, you are complete. Without them, you are nothing."

There was a second of quiet before I responded. "That sounds seriously messed up."

Sam frowned at me; he looked kind of offended. "What do you mean?"

"Come on!" I shouted, throwing my hands up. "You're  _forced_  to devote yourself to someone? You lose ability to choose for yourself? That sounds miserable!"

"It's not like that..."

A laugh escaped my lips, a cruel, humourless laugh. "How is it not?" I countered. "You just said that they're the gravity that holds you to the Earth. You said that you're  _nothing_  without them! That's so pathetic!"

"You don't understand," Sam said, with a sigh. He looked back to the dirt. "It's complicated."

A horrible realization overtook me. "Is that... Is that how you feel about  _me_?"

He didn't say anything, but the way he looked at me—his dark eyes shining and deep, like a bottomless ocean—made me realize that he  _did_.

"No, no, no," I said, wildly shaking my head. My hair whipped across my face. "That's wrong. I can't allow that, Sam. I don't want you to give up everything for me. You don't  _belong_  to me."

"It's too late," Sam replied. "I can't change how I feel about you. This is who I  _am_  now."

"You said you had to  _obey—_ " I shuddered at the word "—my command. What if..." The words caught in my throat. This was it, the moment I had been leading up to. Now the time had come, it seemed so impossible. Some deep part of myself was screaming to stop, to drop it, to forget about the whole thing.

But I couldn't. Leah's face burned in my mind. "What if I commanded you to give me up?"I asked, my voice barely a whisper. "What if I commanded you to go back to Leah?"

"I'd do it, because I would do anything for you," he said. "But it would be painful. And Leah would be unhappy too. She'd know. It'd be obvious that I couldn't love her the way I used to. It can never go back to the way it was."

"I can't command you to love her?"

"It doesn't work like that. No matter what you commanded me to do, it won't change how I feel. Even if you order me to go back to Leah and love her, I would, but I would still love  _you_  more. I'd always love you more than her. I'll always love  _you_  the  _most_."

I slumped back against the log, feeling useless. "Is there really nothing I can do to change your mind?"

"No," Sam said simply. "Imprinting is absolute."

"I'm  _sorry_ ," I spat out. "I'm  _sorry_  this horrible thing happened to you. To Leah."

"I'm not," he said, coming closer to me. He dropped himself down on the log beside me, and leaned in close. "This was how it was meant to be. And it's not horrible... There's so much more to our tribe than imprinting.  It's gave me purpose, and a  _family_."

I had no smart remark for that. Instead, I just inched away, keeping a safe space between him and I.

He wasn't deterred. "If you want, I can show you what I mean. We're having a bonfire on the beach tonight, roasting hot dogs and marshmallows and stuff. I'd like you to come and introduce you."

"I don't know..." I said, looking at my shoes. I had to admit I was curious, but I didn't want him to think I was  _eager_. "I don't think I can. I mean, I can't have the car out that late..."

"I'll drive you," he continued, but quickly cleared his throat. "Or rather, Jared will."

"Who's Jared?" I asked.

"Jared is one of my packmates. He's a werewolf too. You've already met him, he was there at the barbecue. Do you remember?"

I looked away again, thinking back to that fateful evening. What I remembered most was Sam and the weird way he had looked at me.  _Was that it?_  I wondered.  _Was that the moment he had imprinted on me?_    _As he stood there, holding Leah's hand?_  There was something about it that made me feel sick. Not exactly happy memories...

Trying to push past it, I focussed on remembering the faces of Sam's guests. There were two of them, the guys who ate everything in sight. Both were enormously tall and muscular, like Sam... but I didn't know which was Jared and which was Paul. 

Finally, I settled for, "I  _think_  so?"

"You'll figure it out," Sam said, with a laugh. "So? Do you wanna go?" He seemed oddly giddy, like a puppy.

" _I can't._ I have school tomorrow, so there's curfew," I said, still scrambling for excuses.

"I'll make sure you're back before curfew. You have my word."

He had answer for everything, didn't he? "Well, then, what am I supposed to tell my mom?" I snapped. "That I've gone off to spend the evening with my best friend's ex?"

His face collapsed into a wince. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I don't want you to lie, but..."

"But  _what_?"

There was a pause as his eyes darted across the forest floor, like he was searching for something. "I really want you to come, Emily," he said finally. "I think it'd really help you understand."

I gave a big sigh. That was something we  _did_  have in common. I desperately wished I could understand what this world of his was, and why  _I_  had to be dragged into it, kicking and screaming. "I'll make you a deal, Sam," I said. "I'll come. But... After tonight, if I'm still sure I want nothing to do with this and your world, I don't think I can see you again."

His eyes went wide, and his hulking form went stiff... Just for a moment, before they settled into absolute calm. "Okay. Deal." 

Silence hung between us again.

"Who else going?" I asked, finally, breaking it.

"There won't be a lot of people. Just me, you, Jared and Paul, my packmates. And Jared's mate will be there too—the girl  _he_  imprinted on. Why?"

Another girl that was imprinted on? Now I was  _twice_  as curious. I would love to ask her for a second opinion on all this... "I just want to be careful..." I explained. "I don't want this getting back to Leah. Do you think Jared's mate knows Leah?"

Sam looked thoughtful. "Well, she  _does_  go to the school in La Push, so she must know Leah... But I doubt she'll mention it to anyone. Pack secrets and all that."

"Good," I said, with a relieved sigh. The last thing I wanted was for Leah to find out about us—no, not  _us_. 'Us' meant something different, something wrong. I quickly struck the the word from mind, and pulled myself up from the log. "Let's go, then."

☾

 


	12. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam introduces Emily to his "family".

☾

_Emily_

In the end, we took my car. Even though Sam had promised that he'd find a ride, I just felt more comfortable having the car with me. It was a definite way out, in case I need to turn heel and  _run_.

I still could not believe I had even agreed to go! But some part of me craved some kind of  _resolution_  before I shunned Sam completely. I needed answers. And not just for myself, but for Leah.

Sam rode with me. After I insisted that I drive, he had offered to ride with me to show the way. The idea of being alone in a car with him for so long made me feel uneasy first, so at first I had resisted. But once he had gotten into the specifics of finding the location, I quickly realized I was out of my depth. I knew La Push, but not well enough to understand Sam's cryptic directions. So in the end, he came with me, because I wouldn't be able to find my way otherwise.

The car was quiet as we drove. We didn't talk. Sam tried, at first, but I was quick to shut down his attempts. I barely even looked at him, even though he was sitting only mere inches from me—my mother's small car could barely contain the sheer massiveness of Sam Uley—because I already felt guilty enough without making chit-chat with him.

As we drove, the sun slipped from the sky, leeching all the colour of the world as it went. It stained the pale clouds pink, then purple. As the sky faded into a flat, deep navy, interrupted only by the moon, Sam spoke again.

"There's a small side road on your right. You'll want to turn onto it," he said.

I remembered this first step, but in the rapidly enclosing dark, it was hard to see. I slowed the car down, not wanting to blow past it.

After a moment or two, I spotted a small gravel road that jutted out from the side of the highway and disappeared amongst the trees.

"Here," Sam said, to make it clear.

I slowly took the turn and made my way into the woods. The car had slowed to a crawl, as I didn't want to drive too fast on unfamiliar back road in the middle of the night. I didn't know what to expect.

But there was a flash of light, and then another, sparkling out in front of me.  _Reflective... Tape?_  As we inched forward, I saw that I had been right; there were bands of bright tape wrapped around the trunks of trees, in two weaving lines, stretching out ahead of us.

"To lead the way," Sam answered before I even had the chance to ask the question. "As you may have noticed, the road can be a little... hard to navigate in the dark. I mean, with our senses, it's fine, but this helps the  _regular_  people make out the edge of the road."

"Smart," I admitted, grudgingly. Part of me had hoped that this would be a good enough reason to turn back; I was still having second thoughts, but I pushed the car on, at a slightly brisker pace.

Soon the dark wood gave way to sky again, and the ocean came into view. There was a warm, bright light just ahead, on the sand; a fire. The headlights fell on parked cars in my path, so I turned the wheel and angled my car out of the way. I slowed to a stop just beside them before cutting the engine.

"Is this good?" I asked Sam, unable to hide the nervousness in my voice. "Can I park here?"

"This is perfect," he replied. The distant orange light of the fire caught on his curving lips. "Come on."

I lingered. "I don't know if I can."

"You can," he assured me. "You've come too far to go back now." And then he pulled off his seatbelt and slid out of the car.

I watched his back as it moved further away from me. He was heading to the fire, to the party. I couldn't make myself follow him. My hands gripped the steering wheel, debating if I should use this chance to get out of here.

 _No_ , that primal voice deep inside murmured.  _Stay._

 _You wanted to know_ , I reminded myself.  _You wanted to know what_ it _would be like._

After a moment, I swallowed hard and undid my own seatbelt, got out of the car, and stumbled into the darkness after him. I say  _stumbled_  because it was hard to find my footing on the soft, giving sand in the dark. But I continued on, focusing on the warm beacon of light that grew larger as I advanced. Voices grew too. Raucous laughter, singing, talking, all carried easily through the air.

As I got closer, I counted a mere five people encircling the lively fire, Sam included. There were the two boys—men—that had come to Uncle Harry's barbecue that fateful night. They were sitting on a couple of logs near the fire. One had his arm wrapped around a girl long hair, who was snuggled up close to him. Another girl, with her hair in pigtails, was next to the couple, quietly admiring the fire, and Sam stood just behind them, his even face like stone in the flame's shadow. I sighed with relief. At least Sam had told the truth; there wasn't too many people, and there was no one who'd rat me out to Leah.

All ten of the eyes turned on me when I got close enough. Sam's were his usual gentleness, but the others were tight and curious. I stopped before I got to close, not wanting to intrude on their special circle.

Sam wouldn't allow it. He loomed up behind me, and gently nudged me forwards. I took those last few steps into their presence, the heat of the fire hitting me like a comforting wall. I hadn't realized I was shivering.

At first, none of us said anything. Then the girl split apart from the guy—who I still didn't know if he was Jared or Paul—and stood up to greet me.

"Hi," she said. Her voice was surprisingly high and sweet. It was difficult to see her face in the wild dancing light of the fire, but she looked kind of plain. "You must be Leah! I'm Kim... Jared's mate."

 _Mate._ The fear that had just been subsiding rose up again, and I couldn't bring myself to respond to her. What could I even say?

"That's my cousin Gina," Kim continued, unperturbed, motioning to the other girl who leapt up from the log as soon as she saw that we were looking at her. As she headed over to join us, Kim added: "Don't worry, she's from  _Seattle_ , so she doesn't know Leah."

I was thankful for the dim light because I was sure the coloured drained from my face... But Kim's sharp eyes noticed anyway.

"Don't worry," Kim said, shrugging. "Sam warned us."

"That was  _nice_  of him," I grumbled sarcastically, suddenly wanting to slink back to my car.

"Oh no," she said, her already large eyes widening, making them sparkle in the flickering light. "Did I say something wrong? He didn't  _mean_  anything by it, just wanted us to be aware that—I mean, that you didn't want—that you weren't—" Her voice trailed away.

"What's up?" Gina said as she finally joined us.

"Just introducing myself to Emily," Kim said with a sigh.

Gina glanced between us, her heavy brow pushing together; she must have been able to feel the tense atmosphere "Oh, well, hi Emily. I'm Gina." She held out her small hand towards me.

Not wanting to be rude, I took it and gave it a light shake, but didn't say anything.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Kim asked me. "There's some pop... The guys brought beer, and we brought a couple of coolers."

"Oh!" Gina exclaimed. "We left them in the car!" Without asking, she fished the keys out of Kim's pocket and dashed towards the vehicles.

I watched her for a moment before swallowing my pride and turning back to Kim. "Does... Does she know?"

Kim smiled as I spoke. "No, she doesn't, so try not to get into  _specifics_. She's just in town for a week, and I just couldn't leave her back at the house, y'know?"

I nodded. "Is it okay if you drink? If you're driving?"

"We're spending the night," she said. "Didn't you know? We camp out here all the time. Are you guys staying too?"

" _No._ " I replied quickly, almost too quickly. "I'm  _not_  staying."

"I figured," Kim said, this time taking my outburst in stride; I think she realized I was a bit nervous. "And don't worry, Sam never drinks. He likes to be available in case someone does need a ride home. So he'll still be able to drive you."

I wanted to correct her—that it was  _me_  who did the driving—but it didn't seem worth it, especially when Gina returned with several bottles of a pale cloudy drink bundled in her arms.

"Want one?" she offered to us.

As Kim accepted one, I pondered. I had obviously drank before: sipped cheap beers at parties, had a glass—or two, if Leah and I could sneak it—on New Years. I was never drawn to getting drunk, but I knew how a drink or two could take the edge off of my nerves. I could use that now.

"Yeah," I said, almost too late; Gina had already started to turn away from me.

But she didn't mind. She turned back and handed me one, with a smile. I took it and followed them back towards the fire.

☾

Soon the drink—a very sweet lemonade—was coursing through me, warming me from the inside out. I felt more relaxed as I observed as Jared told a story, moving his arms in wide movements to describe some kind of action sequence. Gina watched rapturously, and Paul was rolling his eyes at him. I almost felt left out, but I knew I wasn't alone. Sam was hovering somewhere nearby; I could feel him. He was never too far, but never too close either.

"Hey," Kim said, distracting me as she plopped down beside me. "How're you doing?"

I jostled the bottle still gripped in my hand. I had a little left. "Good, thanks."

Kim smiled, and took the last sip of hers. "I'm glad. I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's okay," I replied, fingering a loosened label corner on the bottle. "I didn't mean to snap at you, it's just that I—"

She waved her hand as if to brush away my excuse. "I get it. Of all people, I  _totally_  get it. It's all overwhelming at first. And I even  _liked_  Jared before!" Her smile got wider.

"What was it like?" I asked. "I mean, what was it like for you, finding out about..." I quickly glanced towards the group of boys. "How he  _felt_  about you."

She looked over at him, still deep in his performance. "It was a shock, of course. But a happy one. Like I said, I liked him before I found out. I had the biggest crush on him." Even in the wild light of the flame, I could see her cheeks darken. "So when he told me he liked me too, I was overjoyed! But then he took me out to the woods and told me the truth... And then he  _showed_  me what he was..." She widened her eyes, then laughed.

"I didn't believe it at first," I admitted. "I thought I was going crazy."

"Me too. But then I imagined what it must've been like for  _him_  to find out. Suddenly my worries seemed less important." Her eyes went soft, and she looked back at her boyfriend, her  _mate_.

I went still in my seat. I had never thought about that before... What had it been like for him? For Sam _?_  What  _he_  had felt in those few weeks he had disappeared? What  _he_  had felt in that one, terrible moment that tore him and Leah apart for ever?

What had gone through his mind in those moments?

How much had it hurt  _him_?

I glanced around the party, looking for him. I found him just behind me, sitting on a rock with Paul, who had moved on from watching Jared. They were chatting quietly. As if he could feel my gaze, he turned and looked straight at me. I whipped around immediately, and guzzled the rest of my drink.

"Sorry," Kim said. Her eyes were still gentle as she looked at me.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, confused.

She just stared at me for a moment. "For how it all turned out... You and Sam. I wish it was easier for you. It was easy for me, so I can't imagine what it's like for you to be caught between him and your best friend."

"I'm not caught  _anywhere,_ " I muttered, just to myself, but even to my own ears it was unconvincing.

"I wish I could be more help," she added. "You know what, here. Give me your phone number, and I'll give you mine. If you have any questions... Anything at all, just text me or call me and I'll try and help."

For the first time tonight, I smiled. "Really?"

"Really!" she, handing her small pink phone over, already navigated to  _New Contact_.

I pulled my phone out and exchanged it with hers. I tapped in my information, leaving just my first name because I was extra paranoid.

"Thank you," I said, my voice thick with gratitude as we handed each other's phones back.

"Don't worry about it," Kim said, with a little giggle. "We're  _family_  now."

The word  _family_  sent chills up my spine. I wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that I wasn't her family because there was nothing between Sam and I... But the sound of tires on gravel tore our attention away. Two more cars were pulling into the make-shift parking lot.

I sprung up from my seat on the log, my heart beating wildly in my chest. My mind raced.  _Who else was coming?_ And then worse...  _What if it was Leah?_ This was her turf, after all.

Sam was by my side in a flash. Not knowing what else to do, I hid behind his hulking form. "Who is it?" I hissed.

"I don't know," Sam admitted; he glanced at Kim, but she shook her head. Everyone seemed wear matching looks of uncertainty. No one knew who had just arrived.

The faces that appeared over the bank were familiar. It was some local kids from La Push, and even a few from Neah Bay. My heart stopped as  _Sophie_ , my cousin, came into view; I wished I could cling to Sam so I wouldn't be seen.

Sam quickly shed his hoodie and handed it back to me. "Put this on," he murmured. "I'll take you back right now."

I did as he said. The hoodie was huge on me, nearly reaching my knees, my hands swallowed by the sleeves. I pulled up the hood and was overcome by his scent. He smelled like pine, and wet sand, and musk, and something soft and sweet I couldn't place.

Soon the new arrivals reached the fire. "Hey Kim!" I heard Sophie cheer, but then her voice faltered. "Oh, hello Sam... Long time, no see."

"Hello Sophie," Sam replied politely. "Wish I could stay, but we were just heading out."

"Too bad," Sophie said, but she didn't sound disappointed. "See you later."

There was a pause—I wasn't sure what was going on because Sam obscured most of my view—before he made a move.

"Come on," he said, reaching around and putting his hand on my back. "Let's go, they're distracted."

We quickly darted up the path, and I made sure to keep the hood low over my face. Just as we crested the hill, I heard Sophie ask, "Who was that with Sam?"

My heart jumped into my throat, almost making me choke; but I reminded myself that no one there would tell her the truth. As we reached the car, I headed towards the driver's side but Sam stopped me.

"You've been drinking. I'll drive," he said, his voice commanding.

"It was  _one_  drink," I challenged.

"One drink is too many if you're driving." His tone was stern, unyielding.

As I just wanted to get out of there, I conceded, tossing him my keys and making my way to the passenger's side. We climbed in, buckled up, and were back on the road in no time. I tried to calm myself and stop my breath from coming in gasps.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I shook my head.  _No, no, nothing was okay._

"Do you want me to pull over?"

I shook my head again. "I just want to go home."

Sam obeyed my command, and he pushed the car faster. He wasn't worried about driving in the dark. I wonder absently if his vision was better because of his  _wolf_  form.

But thinking of his wolf form pushed my mind onto all the other terrible aspects of that life. Of the change, of the imprinting. My mind wandered back to the thought I had on the log while I was talking to Kim.

How much had it all hurt  _him_?

Before he transformed, he was in love with Leah. I knew that; he had told me himself. All this time I had been worried what effect it had on me, on my life, on Leah... But not once had I ever thought about what had it been like for him. Once second he loved her, and then the next, suddenly, some force was telling him that he loved me  _more_?

What would he have thought?

I remembered his face a few moments after it had happened. The shock, the sickening realization that had drawn across his face. It was almost too painful to comprehend.

I was so wrapped up in my little mental torture that I hadn't even realized we had made it back to Neah Bay. Sam had made good time. As he wove down the streets of my neighbourhood, Sam spoke again.

"I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't know other people were coming, I swear. Sometimes they just show up, it's a popular hang out—"

"It's fine." I said, my voice sounding rather dead.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I just wanted you to meet everyone."

I nodded limply, and noticed that he had pulled over on a corner, a block or two away from my home. I gave him a questioning look.

"I thought you didn't want anyone to see me," he said, almost joking. "And I figured you'd be safe to drive these last few blocks."

Something in my chest—I refused to believe it was my heart—twinged at his thoughtfulness. "Good thinking," was the only thanks I offered. I undid my seatbelt and got out of the car as he did the same.

He was waiting on the sidewalk as I got to the other side.

"Even if it didn't quite go as planned, I'm glad you came. I'm glad you gave it a chance," he said as I opened the driver's door.

 _Chance_. The word made me wince. I looked up at him, into his deep eyes. Bathed in moonlight, he looked like something out of a dream or a fairytale.

"How are you getting home?" I wondered aloud.

"Same way I always do," he said, with a mischievous smile. "I run. In my other form, of course."

"Oh," was all I could think to respond with.

Sam's grin grew for a moment, before he turned away, and headed towards the forest that bordered the road. "Goodnight, Emily."

My breath caught again. There were things I had to say. Things I had convinced myself I had to say on the drive back.

"Sam."

He stopped, and the expression on his face as he turned to look at me drove a knife through me. It was so hopeful, so tender... I hated myself for what I was about to do, and yet hated myself for hating myself.

But I had to. If I had any last shred of decency, I had to do this. I swallowed the hard lump that rose in my throat and forced the words out. "You have to go back to Leah, Sam. Please. Try. And that's... That's an order."

☾


	13. Disconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah hears some devastating news that she can't escape from.

☾

_Leah_

Rain pounded at the windows, and I was sprawled across the old couch in the living room, staring at the ceiling, trying my best to lie perfectly still. I was keeping careful guard against painful thoughts of S—

 _No,_  I reminded myself. _Don't even think his name. Disconnect._ I took a deep breath and pushed back from it. It had taken a week or so to learn how, but I gotten much better at disconnecting myself; I could barely feel  _anything_  now. That was the only way I had fighting chance, the only way I would heal. I had to stop picking at the wound.

It had been a few days since she told me, but Emily's news had stuck with me. In some sick, sad way, I was thankful for it. Hearing that  _he_  had been skulking around Emily's place—telling her loved her!—had made it somewhat easier for me. It helped me see what sort of person he truly was... A familiar prickling sprung to my eyes, and I had to stop myself from going further down that road.  _Focus on the ceiling,_  I told myself, as I pushed the emotion deep, deep down. 

_Focus on it's flat, plain surface. Focus on anything but what's gnawing away inside—_

A knock on the door echoed through our small house, wrenching me out of my trance. I lurched up, then froze. I wasn't expecting anyone; mom and dad were out of town, and Seth was spending the weekend at a friend's.

To be honest, I didn't want to go and find out...  _But what if it's important?_  a voice nagged in my head. _What if it's Sam?_  came another, far more pathetic one. I tried to swat it back, but, sadly, that was the one that got me to move. I got up and staggered to the door, my head swimming because I had gotten up too fast.

There was a pathetic pang as the door came into view and saw that it wasn't S— _him—_ after all _._ My shoulders slumped as my chest seemed to deflate again. I wanted to turn and run, but she had already seen me.

"Hi, Lee!" my cousin Sophie called through the screen door. There was another girl, small and quiet-looking with pigtails, standing just behind her. "We were in the neighbourhood, and I figured we should stop by and say hi. I haven't seen you in forever, girl!"

"That's nice of you," I said, trying to sound pleased... but my voice was flat and lifeless. I didn't believe her story, that she had been nearby, because she didn't live in town, let alone the neighbourhood. She lived in Neah Bay. "But what brings you down to La Push?"

"I'll tell you," she said, raising an eyebrow. "But I'd rather not shout it at you through the screen."

"Oh," I said, trying to sound surprised, like I had genuinely forgotten... rather than hoping she'd get the hint and leave. "Sorry." I shuffled to the door and opened it.

She brushed past me, not waiting for the full invitation, probably knowing I wouldn't offer one. Her mousy friend followed and gave a little nod, but no name. I sighed, defeated.

"So, why are you in La Push?" I asked again, following after them as Sophie led the way to the living room.

"I went to a party near Second Beach last night, then I spent the night at Kim's," she explained as she led the way through my house. "This is her cousin, Gina. Gina, Lee. Lee, Gina."

Gina turned and nodded shyly at me again. "Hi Lee."

"It's actually  _Leah._ Only Sophie calls me Lee," I corrected. It perhaps came out a little too blunt, because poor Gina went red and turned away without another word.

"She's here because I thought I'd be nice and save her from an afternoon of being the third wheel," Sophie continued, as she entered the living room. "She's staying at Kim's house, but  _you know_  Kim and her new boyfriend... They are pretty much attached at the face. What's his name, again? You know him, he's friends with Sam." She looked at me expectantly.

I couldn't answer. Hearing his name was like driving a red hot spike through my chest.  _Disconnect_. I chanted in my head.  _Disconnect. Push away._

By the time I mastered myself and came to, I noticed that Sophie was distracted, her eyes were fixed on the pillows and blankets I had left piled on the couch.

"Still wallowing, huh?" she said as she took the room in. "You know that's not good for you."

I stepped around them and threw myself down on the couch again, squeezing a pillow to my chest. "I don't care."

"That's such a terrible attitude, Lee," Sophie said, sitting down at the edge of the sofa, ignoring that fact that  _I_  was ignoring  _her_. "You can't let Sam Uley ruin your whole life."

I looked at her; I could practically hear the wheels turn in her head. She was up to something. Poor Gina just lurked nearby, too nervous to even sit down.

"Why do you care?" I asked, a little too sharply.

"Why wouldn't I?" Sophie said, putting on an faux-offended look; she knew me well enough not to flinch when I barked. But her joke quickly melted away, and her eyes went soft. "I can see how hard it is for you, Lee. I just... I wanted to make that you knew that he wasn't not worth your time."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What are you talking about?"

Sophie took a deep breath before continuing. "I saw him, at the party last night. And he... he was there with someone else."

The spike pushed further in, and pain spread through me.  _Disconnect. Disconnect. Disconnect._ But I didn't listen to my own advice. "What?  _Who?_ "

She just shook her head. "I didn't see her face, and when I asked Kim, she said she didn't know her. She just said she came with Sam and was apparently from out of town."

 _Another girl?_  I thought, anger soon chasing the pain. I felt hot all over, like the rage was burning through me. I scoffed spitefully. "Wow. He's gone real girl crazy, hasn't he?"

Sophie's eyebrows launched up. "Excuse me? What do you mean by 'girl crazy'?" she asked, her voice an octave higher than usual. I wasn't pleased to see that she looked a little  _too_  interested to hear more. She sure loved her gossip.

 _Whatever_ , I thought.  _She can have her gossip._  It wasn't like I was interested in protecting Sam's reputation, anyway. "Did you hear that he's been going after Emily too? Like,  _right_  after we broke up."

Sophie's jaw dropped open, and even Gina's eyes widened with shock.

"No way! Really?" Sophie shrieked, but her face fell as she watched mine. "I mean... That's terrible."

I had to turn away and blink quickly to fight off a surprise wave of tears. " _Yeah_. So don't worry, I already know he's not worth it." If only I could get my  _heart_  to understand.

"You know what, that settles it," Sophie said, jumping up from the couch's edge. "I was just thinking about it, but now I'm sure. We should go camping."

" _Camping_?" I burst, then barked a laugh. "Are you serious? You, the glamazon, want to go  _camping_?"

"Yes, I do!" she replied. "Getting away from it all—" she swirled her hands in the air "—for a bit will cheer you up. I thinking of setting up at..."

Another knock came, cutting her off. Sophie and Gina glanced over their shoulders and then back at me expectantly.

"Who is it  _now_?" I asked aloud as I pushed off the couch again and headed across the room to answer it. Was it another person shown up on my doorstep here to help me 'cheer up'?  _God, I hope not,_ I thought.  _Otherwise this will turn into an_ actual _pity party._

All my resentment washed away when I saw who was waiting on the step. I staggered to a stop a few feet from the door, unable to bring myself further. He was just standing there, on the other side of the screen; he was so tall he had to bow his head slightly to even look under the top edge.

Sam.

Sam was on my door step.

Our eyes met, and he gave me a twitch of a smile. "Hey," he said, and I shivered at the sound of his soft, husky voice. "Can I talk to you?"

"T-There are people here," I stuttered awkwardly. I could practically feel Sophie watching from around the corner.

His brow folded over his dark eyes. "Then, could you step outside for a moment?"

I had pictured this moment in my head a million times over: Sam coming back to me, wanting to talk... Then, I imagined, that he would beg me to take him back, apologizing for everything he had said and done. I had even practiced a response. But now that it was actually happening, I didn't know what to do with myself. My knees trembled, my palms sweat, and I could barely  _think_.

"I think so. I-I mean, yes," I finally answered. It took me another moment or two to command my body to move. I stumbled forwards, shoved my feet into a nearby pair of my father's boots, and stepped through the door as he held it for me.

As it was still raining, we stayed on the porch. Sam led me to the edge of it so we might be able to escape any prying eyes. Then he just leaned against house and didn't say anything for a while, though it looked like he wanted to.

Being out here in the rain, with him, only reminded me of the last day he had come over, the day he ended things. I worried he was going to tell me something even more awful, but I wasn't sure there was anything he could say that would've hurt me more than  _that_  had.

"Why are you here?" I asked, unable to take the quiet any longer.

"Leah, I've been thinking..." he started, but paused again to chew on his words. He wasn't looking at me, so I couldn't gauge what he was thinking. "I think I made a mistake."

I went stiff. "What mistake?"

He looked back at me, his dark eyes tight and determined, like he was doing something painful, but necessary. "The mistake of breaking up with you."

It felt like my body was coming apart as I filled with warmth. All the pain that had hung on my shoulders for weeks seemed to be lifted, pulled back. But it lasted for only a moment before the shadows came creeping back. I remembered Emily's accounts of her encounters with him, and Sophie's story about the girl he had taken to the party. The warmth turned to heat as the flame of anger rose in me again.

"Really?" I sneered. "What, do you want to add me to your roster?"

Sam just looked at me, his brow folded up in confusion and shock.

"Oh, I get it, you think I don't know. Oh, Sam, I know. I know  _all_  about you and Emily. And about last night, at the party too..."

Sam's eyes widened; he looked horrified. "You  _know_?"

The flame rose higher. My skin felt so hot, I felt like I might burst into flame. "You don't even deny it, huh?" I snarled. "I get it Sam. You think I'm pathetic, but I'm not  _that_  pathetic... I won't let me treat me like some back up girl when you can't get a date—"

"I'm not!" Sam interjected, looking very worried. "And it's not what you think, about Emily at the party..."

Inside my head, everything ground to a halt. "Wait, what... It was  _Emily_ you were with last night?"

The blood drained from Sam's face as he realized he had said too much. "What? No, no, she wasn't... That wasn't her..."

He prattled on, hastily trying to cover for the slip of his tongue, but I didn't hear him. It was  _so_  obvious he was lying that I knew it was pointless to listen. The more he talked, the more he tried and explained, the further I drew inward, trying to process what he had just revealed.

Emily had been at the party.  _Emily_  had gone with  _him_  to the party. It felt like the earth was opening up, and I was going to fall right in. It was one thing for Sam to hurt me, to betray me; that had been painful enough. But for Emily—my best friend, my sister, my  _blood_ —to lie to me like this?

I felt a great shudder rip through me, and I ground my teeth together.

"Leah?" Sam said.

His voice broke through my fog, but I didn't look at him. I  _couldn't_  look at him.  _Disconnect. Disconnect._ I reminded myself, but it wasn't working. The anger just rose and rose. I wanted to tear him apart. I wanted to tear the  _whole world_  apart.

"Lee-lee? Are you okay?" he breathed, reaching out to touch my arm. 

I yanked it back. "Don't touch me," I growled. My face, my head, my whole body felt so hot... I began to tremble where I stood. "Don't you ever touch me." I span on the spot and charged away.

"Leah, please, wait—" he called after me as I ran into the house, but I slammed and locked the big door behind me, shutting him out.

I stormed into the living room; Sophie and Gina, still there, leapt up as I entered. I expected Sophie to gloat, but she looked genuinely worried. Something in my expression seemed to bother her. 

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

"What did Sam want?"

I swallowed hard, trying to find the words.  _Disconnect_.  _Disconnect. Disconnect._ "He told me who he brought to the party," I replied mechanically.

Her face crumpled up, like she could feel a fraction of what I was. "Who... Who was it?"

I didn't know how to make myself say the name. It seemed too impossible, too insane. It couldn't be real. I just stared back at them, searching their troubled faces. My eyes fell on the stranger, Gina. She didn't look worried... She looked scared. It was like she was afraid that I might turn on her and  _bite_.

"Were you there?" I asked her, out of nowhere. "Were you at the party last night?"

Gina jolted, and then her beady eyes darted around the room, like she was looking for cover. "Uh... Yes."

"Did you see who Sam was with?" I asked, stepping closer to her. My voice sounded strange, even to my own ears: it was flat and calm even though chaos raged in my head.

"Kinda, I guess. but I'm not from here, so I don't really know anyone's name," she said, her voice quivering.

"You don't have to know her name," I offered. I reached out and plucked a photo frame from the side table next to the couch. It held a picture from last summer, of our last barbecue of the season. There were loads of people crammed into the frame—Dad, Mom, Billy, Seth, Jacob, Captain Swan from Forks, me, and, finally, Emily. Emily and I were squished up together, closest to the camera, smiling. Happier times.

I held the picture up in front of Gina's face. "The girl Sam brought... Is she in this photo?"

I watched as Gina's eyes slid right to Emily's face. She stared at it for a few seconds before giving a stiff nod.

"Which one?" I demanded.

Gina raised a shaking hand and pointed at Emily's face. As soon as her finger touched the glass, the picture slid out of my hand, falling to the ground. I couldn't hold it up any more. Gina had just confirmed my worst nightmare.

Emily had been with Sam.  _For real_. I didn't just  _imagine_  those words coming from his mouth. I gripped my head in my hands, trying to stop it from exploding.

"So, uh, maybe camping isn't such a great idea," Sophie said, sounding uncomfortable. "We can just do whatever you want instead. Maybe stay here and eat ice cream... I bet we could even rush into Forks and get a movie-"

"No. Camping sounds great," I interrupted, and I heard the strange roughness in my voice... It nearly came out as a growl. "I'd really love to escape to the wilderness for a bit."

☾


	14. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With her lies revealed, Emily lashes out at Sam.

☾

_Emily_

The threat of rain hung over Neah Bay; the dark wall of cloud pushed towards us, moving with the wind. I had heard on the radio this morning that it was already raining in La Push, and the forecast said it'd start up here by this evening.

It was definitely the kind of day that someone would want to spend curled up somewhere with a cup of coffee and a book. But, instead, I was outside, aimlessly wandering the few streets that made up my hometown. I had my coat's hood pulled up, to shield myself from the raging wind that propelled the storm clouds.

It was easy to come up with lots of good reasons as to why I'd be smart to head home now: I would avoid the downpour, and get out of the wind. I could make myself a cup of hot chocolate. I could put on my warm, comfy PJs, and watch TV curled up on the couch.

But despite the plentiful reasons, there was one that contradicted it. It was only one reason, but even so, it was enough. It was a trump card, overruling all the others. It's what kept me here, walking around out in the cold.

I didn't want to be around if Sam showed up. I couldn't bear to face him.

My stomach had been in knots since last night, since I had ordered him to go back to Leah. I kept picturing the look on his face as I told him. The shock. The hurt. And then the stiff, awkward nod that told me he would obey. Because he had to.

It made me feel sick, ordering someone to do something I knew they couldn't refuse; but, in the end, it had been the right thing. I tried not to think about how Sam had described it to me... that it would be painful for him to pretend. Maybe, after some time, it would grow to be less painful for him. Maybe, eventually, that ache would recede and he and Leah could be happy together again. The way it was supposed to be.

That single, primal voice inside me just scoffed.

I felt a heavy rain drop land on the hood of my coat. Then another, then several more. The rain was here. There was no more avoiding it. I had to go home. I turned around, and headed that way.

When I arrived at the foot of my driveway, I was happy to see that there was no one there, waiting for me. I expected a wave of relief to wash over me... but none came. The knot in my stomach tightened. I shook it off, and made my way towards the house.

As I opened the door, I found my mother waiting for me. She was sitting in at the kitchen table, in the seat that faced the door.

"There you are," she said, eyeing me closely as I slid out of my coat. "Where have you been?"

The knot tightened some more. Mom seemed  _angry_ , but I couldn't think what she might be mad about. I had done the dishes, and my homework. "I went for a walk, like I told you," I replied. "What's the matter?"

"With  _who_?" she demanded, ignoring my question. "Who did you go for walk with?"

"With no one," I said slowly. An itch of worry began to creep in at the back of my mind. "I was alone. Why?"

My mother stared at me, her brow tight over her piercing eyes. She looked like she didn't believe me in the slightest. "I wondered if you had been with  _him_ ," she said.

The itch turned to a sharp jab. "Him?" I asked, trying to sound innocent, but the lie was clear in my shaky voice. I watched as my mother recognized it.

"You know exactly who I am talking about," she snapped. "Sam Uley."

Panic sent my heart racing and my eyes started to sting with guilty tears. "I h-haven't..." I mumbled.

"Don't play dumb, Emily," Mom said icily. "Apparently your cousin Sophie has seen you two running around together."

 _Sophie_. The knot in my stomach turned over, and I had to swallow hard to keep myself from throwing up. "It's not... It's not what it looks like."

Mom just sighed and rested her head in her hands for a moment before levelling her fierce eyes at me. "Oh really? Do you  _know_  what it looks like? It looks like you've been sneaking off with your best friend's ex just days after they broke up!"

Tears spilled down my cheeks. "It's not  _like_  that. We were just talking—"

"In  _secret_?" Mom said, cutting me off. "If you were just talking, then why were sneaking around? Why did you  _lie_  to me about going to hang out with Sophie when you were really going to meet up with Sam?"

"Because," I choked. "Because I didn't want anyone to think that we were t-together..."

"Well, too late Emily..." Mom huffed, leaning back in the chair with her arms crossed. "Because that's exactly what  _everyone_  thinks now. Everyone knows."

A cold worry inched up my neck. "Does... Does Leah know?"

"Leah knows," my mother replied simply.

I staggered over to one of the empty seats at the table, dropping myself down into the chair. Sobs shuddered through me. I couldn't stand to imagine what Leah must be thinking right now.

Mom's voice was softer when she spoke again. "Emily, look. I know it's tough dating around here. There's not a lot of people to choose from, and too many of them are your cousins... But that doesn't mean you forget about your friends just for a chance to  _date_."

I was crying too hard to object; I could only uselessly shake my head.

I heard the chair push out from the table, and then a warm arm wrapped around my shoulders. "I'm very disappointed that you would disregard Leah's feelings like that. I'm sure she would've been okay if you asked her in a few months time, but now..." She clucked her tongue.

"I didn't mean to," I sobbed. "It wasn't me! He came to talk to me, and he wouldn't—he didn't—what am I going to do?"

"You can start by calling Leah and apologizing," Mom offered. She released my shoulder, grabbed the cordless phone from the counter and brought it too me. "The sooner, the better."

I took the phone with shaky hands. I dreaded the idea of talking to Leah right now, but I knew that Mom was right. I had to call to say sorry... and to try and explain. I hoped Leah would at least let me explain.

Sniffling, I punched in Leah's number. Mom watched me finish and hold the phone to my ear before she stepped out of the kitchen to give me privacy.

The phone rang twice before it was picked up. "Hello?" came Leah's cold, flat voice.

"L-Leah?" I stammered. "It's... It's Emily."

She snorted. "You have some nerve, Em..." she growled.

My heart sank. Was I already too late? 

"Leah, I know what you've heard, and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I truly, truly am. I should've told you what was happening, but it's  _not_  what you think. It wasn't what it looked like—"

But it was too late. She had already hung up. Realization crashed down around me. Leah probably hated me now. No, not probably... Definitely. Leah.  _Definitely_. Hated. Me. And all because I was curious about Sam...

I had given up my  _best friend_  because I had been  _curious_.

I hated myself. Not knowing what to do with myself, I grabbed the car keys from the hook and ran back outside into the now-pouring rain. My mother called to me as the door closed, but I didn't turn back. I threw myself into the car and sped off.

When I came to a stop, I realized I had driven to the cluster of trees near Sophie's.  _Our_  spot. I hated that we had one, but we did. There was no denying it. I had lied to myself enough.

I stepped out of the car and made my way into the woods. Thankfully the thick foliage provided decent cover from the rain, but it was still pretty chilly. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself; I hadn't brought my coat. I found myself wishing Sam—and his heat—were here, and then hated myself for wishing it.

 _Stop lying,_  that deep, primal voice hissed.  _Be honest with yourself, for once._ It was hard to; I had been fighting it for so long. But there was no point anymore. I had to admit that I... I  _liked_  having Sam around. His presence was calming, even when it threw me off guard. He was always so cool, and so calm.

And he was always on my mind.

Fresh tears spilled out, dropping to the forest floor. This was the person that I was. A crappy best friend. A weakling. A liar... even to myself. And yet, even as I acknowledged all these things about myself, it didn't change the fact I wished Sam was here.

"Emily?" I could almost hear him asking. "Emily, are you okay?" I could almost feel touch; his too-warm hand on my shoulder, his heat radiating behind me...

But as his grip tightened, just slightly, I realized I wasn't imagining it. I whipped around. There was Sam, standing just behind me. He was slick with rain, his short black hair plastered to his forehead, his wet shirt clinging to his muscles.

"Sam," I breathed, and finally the knot began to loosen.

"Emily..." he said, his eyes boring into mine. "I'm so happy to find you. I was looking for you, but when I came to your house, your mom got so mad! She said you just took off. I was worried."

Just having him here, listening to him talk... The relief I had sought finally came washing over me, before I caught myself. I felt disgusted with myself; I pulled myself free of his grip and stepped away. "Why are you here? I thought I told you to go back to her!"

"I had to come back to see you, Emily... She—"

"I know!" I shouted, throwing my arms up. "I know that she knows! So why are you here? Why aren't you there making it better?"

Sam's dark eyes turned hard, like obsidian. He looked at me for a long moment before straightening up. "When I went to see her today, she was different. She's in so much pain, and... And it's all my fault. Seeing it almost killed me." His eyes flashed, and he looked away. Thunder rolled overhead. "I can't go back."

"But... But I ordered you!"

"The pain I feel from disobeying your order is worth it. It's like I told you before, Emily. I still love Leah, even if I do love  _you_  more. And I love her too much to pretend. I can't... I can't hurt her again."

"But you're hurting her right now!" I screamed at him. " _This_  is why she's hurting! Because she knows that you're here with me instead of with her!"

Another peal of thunder crashed overhead. The rain was sneaking through the branches now, soaking me.

"She deserves better," Sam replied, his voice calm and certain. "Even though the truth hurts her  _now_ , I know she will heal from it. Lies will only draw out her pain. Lies will only hurt her  _more_."

He was right, and I hated him for it. I hated that—even though it was his fault that Leah's heart was broken, that it was his fault that she hated me now—he was right. I didn't want to believe him. I hated him. I  _hated_  him.  _I hated him._

Didn't I?

"Liar!" I screamed, trying to convince myself. "You're a liar! You'll pretend that breaking Leah's heart was  _good_  for her just because it lets you off the hook. But, really, you're just telling yourself that because it soothes your conscience! Because you are a goddamn liar, Sam Uley..." As I spoke, a thought, a memory, flitted into my mind. It was a conversation, between Leah and I, about Sam's difficult past. One small, painful fact of his life rose to the surface of my mind; I snatched it up and wielded it like a weapon... 

"You're a liar, and a coward, just like your father."

Sam's usually calm face folded into a grimace like I had never seen. A shudder rippled through his body, and he staggered back from me.

I laughed cruelly. "How was that for  _truth_ , Sam?" I continued, moving towards him as he tried to pull away. "See? Coward! You're a coward. You want to run from the truth just as much as everyone else!"

He raised his hand up, to keep me at a distance. He was shaking, like a scared child. "Emily, please s-stop..."

"No!" I shouted back. "You don't get to pretend like you're the victim when you're the one who hurts other people! First you hurt Leah, and now you've hurt me!"

But Sam's hand gave a strange shudder. His fingers curled, and then grew into great, razor-sharp claws. They shot outwards, reaching for me—

And then there was nothing else but darkness.

☾


	15. Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily faces the truth, despite the consequences.

☾ _  
_

_Emily_

_Pain..._

_So much pain..._

I emerged from the darkness into a sea of hurt. The right side of my face felt like it was on fire, but the rain that was drizzling did nothing to quench it. The trees stretched out above me, reaching for the sky. As I stared at them, I noticed that I couldn't quite see out of my right eye. The vision was foggy, tinted with red.

Something shifted beneath me... an earthquake? But then a familiar face pushed into my sight. Jared. His face was twisted, tormented, like he was in pain too. Had something happened to us?

I tried to open my mouth to speak, to ask questions, but the movement just intensified the pain. I winced.

"Don't," Jared said, wincing as well. "Just relax. I got you. I'll keep you warm."

I felt his words gently rumble through my body, and I realized he was holding me close against his chest. Why? I couldn't quite remember how we had ended up here, but his warmth was comforting, almost as comforting as Sam's—

_Sam._

It all came rushing back. How Leah hated me now. How angry I had been with myself, and how I had taken it out on poor Sam. How I had said those  _awful_  things to him. How... How he had changed suddenly and—

Oh.

I knew where the pain was coming now. When Sam had suddenly changed I had been too close. I let my head loll to the side, weakly trying to look for Sam, wanting to apologize... Though I wasn't sure how I was going to do that if I couldn't talk.

Thankfully he was still here. He was still in his wolf form, the giant shadow, pacing across the forest floor. He was watching me intently, whimpering softly... I understood Jared's look of pain then. Sam had told me about the bond they shared; how one wolf's pain became the pain of the whole pack.

I wanted to reach out for him, but the movement was too much for me. I just stared at him, hoping he could understand that  _I didn't blame him_  through just the look in my eyes.

Sam just shook his massive wolf head at me, shame tinting his black eyes.  _I can never forgive myself_ , the look said. But before anything else could be said, he whipped his head up, staring off into the trees.

"Jared? Sam?" came a familiar voice, a voice that intensified the agony I was in. It was Auntie Sue. "Where are you guys?"

"Over here!" Jared called, his voice rumbling against me.

I wriggled in Jared's arms, wanting to escape. I couldn't imagine what Auntie Sue thought of me, not after what I had done. She was Leah's mother after all, and she must hate me, just like Leah does. Pain shot through me again, but I didn't mind... I  _deserved_  it.

"Stay still," Jared cooed, stroking my hair. "It will be okay."

I feebly shook my head, accepting the pain it caused.

But as Auntie Sue came into view, she didn't look angry. She simply looked worried, rushing towards me with a hefty first aid kit in her hand.

"Oh Emily," she said, her eyes wide, as she kneeled down beside me. "It's... It's going to be okay."

I couldn't respond but I felt tears leak out the corner of my eyes. The salt in them made the right side of my face burn. I couldn't believe that Auntie Sue was being so kind to me. How...?

She began to tend to my wounds, placing gauze over my right eye and wrapping it around my head. As she worked, she looked at Jared. "What happened?" she asked.

Jared's face tightened up again, like he was in as much agony as I was. "Sam and Emily were arguing. Sam lost control for a second, and Emily was too close..." he shook his head.

Auntie Sue looked over her shoulder. I realized that Sam was still looming there; he was looking at the ground, like he was horribly ashamed.

I didn't understand. Why was he still here? Wasn't their nature of wolves supposed to be a  _secret_? But as Auntie Sue turned back, her face tight with understanding, free of any kind of judgement. I realized then that she must already know about the wolves, and imprinting.  _That's_  why she didn't hate me. Relief washed over me.  _Maybe she could help explain it to Leah..._

"We should get her to the hospital," Sue said, suddenly, to Jared.

"W-what are we going to tell them?" Jared asked, sounding worried.

Auntie Sue sighed. "We'll tell them that she was mauled by a... black bear."

I wanted to object to the word  _mauled_ , but I couldn't. As Jared lifted me off the ground, the pain was so intense that I faded away once again.

☾

When I awoke again, the pain wasn't as piercing, just a dull throb that pulsed through me. My head felt heavy, and my vision still partially blurred. As I looked around I realized that I was in a hospital room, lying on a hospital bed.

My heavy head drooping, I scanned the room expecting,  _hoping_ , to see Sam... but he wasn't there. Once again, it was only Jared. It was a small comfort to know that he was near, looking out for me, but—and this was difficult to finally admit to myself—I  _wanted_  Sam here.

Jared perked up when he realized I was awake. "Hey there," he said, putting down the book he had been reading and coming to the edge of my bed. "How are you?"

"Where's Sam?" I mumbled, my words coming out thick and slurred as it still hurt to open my mouth. It felt like there were bandages taping most of it closed.

Jared's bright eyes faded. "He's not here. He doesn't think you want him around. He thinks you must hate him for what he's done."

"I want to see Sam," I murmured. The drugs they had me on made me blunt.

"Don't worry about it now. Just gets some rest." His mouth twitched into a sad smile. "But I'll see what I can do."

I tried to smile back, but it ached too much. I leaned back against the pillows, and the drugs coursing through my system pulled me back into sleep.

☾

Sam was standing by my bed. At first I thought it had to be some dream because it seemed too quick since I had spoken with Jared, but I quickly realized it wasn't by the look on his face. No dream of mine would ever have Sam looking like that. His face was solemn, held tight, like it might crumple up into tears at any moment. He looked devastated.

"Sam?" I mumbled.

He didn't respond, he simply kneeled by my bed and bowed my head. "I'm so sorry, Emily."

"Sam, no, don't—"

"I know now that I don't deserve you. Please... please order me to kill myself. Then you'll be rid of me forever, just like you want."

A sharp pain spiked through me, but it had nothing to do with my injuries. "Sam, no! I can't."

"Please," he begged, tears welling in his dark, bottomless eyes. "Please. I've caused everyone too much pain already. You must hate me, and I can't stand to be hated by you. Just let me end it."

"Sam," I said, reaching out to touch his arm. "Sam, I don't hate you."

He just stared at me, like I was some perfect being that he couldn't comprehend. "What?"

I tried to smile, but only one side of my mouth lifted. "Do you know what I want Sam?"

He shook his head slowly, confused by this change in my attitude.

"I want you to forgive yourself, Sam. I've already forgiven you."

Sam's eyes widened. "What?"

"Forgive yourself," I said again. "That's an order."

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he spoke again. "If... If that is what you want."

I nodded. "It is." I finally understood, fully, how this effected him. How tightly he was bound to me, how eager he was to bend to my will. I pitied him... but also, now, I wanted to use this power I had to make him feel good, not bad. I wanted to  _help_  him. "You know, Sam, I realized something yesterday."

Sam swallowed hard before answering. "What was it?"

I felt my cheeks heat up. "When I woke up and saw Jared watching over me... I realized that I wished it was  _you_  that was there. I wished you were with me, watching over me."

A brightness flooded Sam's eyes. He didn't say anything, like he was afraid that he might mess it up if he spoke.

"I understand now, Sam," I said, my voice soft. "I understand what it means to be completely tied to someone. I'm sorry I resisted it for so long... I can only hope you can forgive me for my stubbornness."

Sam grabbed my hand. "Forgive you?! Oh, Emily, no, there's nothing to forgive! It's okay. It's never been more okay." A bright smile burst across his face.

My own, crooked smile stayed fixed on my face as I reached for him. He needed no encouragement; he took my hands and pulled me—gently, of course—to him. Then he softly kissed the uninjured corner of my lips, before just staring at me like a long-lost treasure now found.

I stared into his perfect, bottomless eyes, and I finally let myself fall in.

☾


	16. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah has to face the painful truth, and she begins to feel the twinges of change within herself…

☾

_Leah_

My hair smelled like smoke, my clothes smelled like musty earth, and I had been slightly damp since Friday night... but I felt just fine. After spending the weekend camping in the woods, away from all the tangled complications of my life, I felt calmer and more collected than I had in weeks. 

We hadn't gone far. We decided to camp out in the small cluster of trees behind Sophie's house... but though small, it had been far enough. Even after just a few days away, I was kind of dreading my inevitable return home.

Sophie eventually pulled into my driveway, slowing to a stop before she turned around in the driver's seat and looked at me. Rebecca was in the passenger seat. She was another friend of Sophie's from Neah Bay that was conscripted, after Gina had bailed. I felt somewhat guilty for that. I was sure my behaviour kind of turned her off of the whole excursion.

"That was fun!" Sophie said, grinning, almost relieved. I knew she had been carefully watching me this weekend, probably wondering when I was going to blow my gasket... But I hadn't.

I smiled back in earnest. "It was," I replied. "We should do it again sometime. It was nice to get away from... everything."

Both Sophie and Rebecca nodded knowingly.

"You  _do_  seem a lot less tense now," Rebecca interjected in her signature soft, child-like voice. She was all caught up on my dramatic life after this weekend.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I  _bet."_

Sophie cut in to gloat. "See? What'd I say? Some distance did you good." She flipped her hair triumphantly. "I'm  _always_  right."

My eyes rolled before I could stop them. "Sure."

"Are you sure you don't want to go shopping with us this afternoon?" Sophie prodded one last time.

"Unfortunately, I have to return to reality. I need a shower," I replied. With a sigh, I finally unlatched the door, swinging my legs into the low early mist that curled across the front lawn and driveway. I waved to Sophie and Rebecca after I closed the door behind me.

"It was nice to meet you," Rebecca said through the open window. "I hope to see you again soon!"

"You too!" I shouted as Sophie began to pull away.

"Later!" my cousin called back, and then drove out of sight.

Throwing my backpack onto one shoulder, I clomped my way back to the house. It was going to be nice today; I was sure the mist that hovered over my ankles would recede and burn off by the afternoon. Already blue sky was peeking through the perforated clouds above.

 _This mist would be nice for a run_ , I thought to myself.  _It'd keep me cool._   _Maybe I should put off that shower..._

Most people would be eager for a shower after spending two nights roughing it in the woods, but I wasn't eager to wash off the grime just yet. It didn't make sense to shower only to get sweaty again with a run. Might as well run dirty and get dirtier before I got clean.

I was already planning out my running route when I walked into the kitchen, and found Seth filling a bowl—a large  _mixing_ bowl—with cereal. He looked up at me, and gave me one of those irritating sibling looks, like he was preparing chastise me despite being younger and stupider.

"What?" I snapped before I could stop myself.  _Great... already backsliding into Bitchy Leah. Why does this place set me so much on edge?_

"Mom's mad that you left without saying anything," he said.

"Why?" I sneered, continuing my grouchy streak. "I did say something... I left a  _note_."

Seth just shrugged and tucked into his giant bowl of cereal.  _Geez. How much could this kid eat?_  But as I watched him, I realized I was kind of hungry too.  _Really_  hungry. Even after I had scarfed the last of the granola bars in the car on the way back.

"She just couldn't get ahold of you," Seth continued, slurping loudly with every spoonful.

"Well, I turned my phone off," I explained, dropping my bag and reaching for a bowl for myself. I couldn't resist any longer. "To conserve battery. And because I needed some distance."

"Mhmm," came Seth's muffled, disinterested reply. "But she—"

"You know," I continued as I poured the cereal—some off-brand called Frooty Flakes—and milk into my bowl. "I thought Mom would be  _happy_  I went and did something with some friends. She's always complaining that I mope around too much, so why—"

Seth had raised his hand to stop me. I glared at him.

"No, Mom was upset because she needed to talk to you. There's been an... accident."

My heart skipped a beat, my worst fears turning immediately to dad. His heart had been giving him some grief lately. "What?" I whispered. "You've been sitting here shovelling cereal in your stupid face when you had news like that?! God, Seth! You're so dense! Is it Dad? Is he okay? Tell me everything!"

"Dad's fine. It's not Dad," Seth said, waving me off like I was annoying buzzing fly; I had half a mind to squash  _him_. "It's Emily. She was attacked by a bear."

The momentary spike of anger from hearing Emily's name was quickly quenched as I comprehended the words that followed. My furious grudge against her was swiftly pushed aside. "Emily?! Is she okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Seth said, looking at me like I was crazy. "Well, sort of. She was looking pretty rough the first day, which is why Mom wanted to call you so badly. But now it looks like she's going to be just fine."

Relief coursed through me. Whatever bad blood was between Emily and I, it didn't matter right then. All I cared about was that she was okay. "That's good..." I said, leaning against the counter, letting my swirling mind settle. "Where is she?"

"At the hospital in Forks," he said as he tipped the bowl up, drinking the dregs.

"Okay," I said, and then pushed myself up again. I glanced briefly at my bowl of cereal before shoving it towards Seth. "Finish this for me, will you? I want to head over there right away."

"Will do!" Seth said, still somehow eager for seconds.

☾

Thankfully my parents had left the car behind. I swiped the keys and hopped in, quickly taking off for Forks. Worry thrummed in my chest even though Seth had told me Emily was okay. Somehow okay, even though she had been attacked by a  _bear_.  Growing up in La Push, I was no stranger to bears, and what bears could do. It couldn't have been a Grizzly. One direct hit of their massive paws and you were dead for sure. Maybe it was a Black Bear?

But how did that even happen? Emily wasn't exactly the outdoorsy type. Where'd she gone to encounter a bear? As I drove, my brain tortured me with vivid imaginings of terrifying encounters with giant, furious bears, swinging out at poor, defenceless Emily.

The drive seemed much longer, but a glance at the clock showed that I had made good time coming to Forks. I quickly maneuvered the small streets of the town to make my way to the hospital, and as it came into view, I saw Dad's truck parked in the visitor's lot. There was an empty spot next to it, so I pulled in beside it. Once inside, I made a beeline for the receptionist's desk. 

"Where's Emily Young's room?" I asked the young nurse behind the desk. Her hair was a deep brown, pulled back into an immaculate bun.

The nurse looked slightly annoyed at being addressed so brashly, but she began typing on the keyboard all the same. 

"Room 232," she answered after a moment. "But it says there's been quite a lot of visitors today, so don't crowd her, okay?"

"Sure," I said, already darting away, towards the elevators. Thankfully someone was just stepping off it when I got there, so I slipped inside and jammed the second floor button. 

As the doors opened to the second floor, I came face to face with my mother. She leapt back, like she was startled by the sight of me. 

"Leah?" she gasped.

"What?" I snipped as I stepped out of the elevator. "Don't you recognize your own daughter?"

"Leah," my mother's voice settled into a low threatening tone. "Where have you been? I've been trying to call you and—"

"Yeah, yeah, Seth told me all about it," I said, darting around her, trying to figure out which way the room numbers went. "I went camping, I turned my phone off, you were trying to call because Emily got attacked by a bear. That's why I'm here. Where is she?"

"Just wait, Leah," my mom said, catching my arm. "Let me talk to you for a minute."

I was too distracted to figure out which hallway I should go down to be able to shake her off. "Can't we do this  _after_  I see Emily?"

"No, Leah, I need to explain something to you..."

But it was too late. I had figured out the direction I needed to go. I twisted my arm free and strode ahead... but quickly came to a stop after a few feet.

Paul was there, sitting on a bench outside one of the rooms. Jared emerged from within, and joined him there. It wasn't too far for me to make out the number on the door. 232. Emily's room.

Why would Paul and Jared be here to see Emily? She hardly knew them; they had only met once, briefly, at the disastrous barbecue a few weeks back.

But a cold, prickling realization took hold of me. They weren't here with Emily.

They were here with Sam.

Sam was here. To see Emily.

"Leah," my mother attempted one last time to stop me, putting her hand on my shoulder.

But I shrugged it off and ran down the hallway. I had made it to the door by the time Jared and Paul even looked up. 

When I stepped inside, I had been expecting all sorts of terrible things. But reality was so much worse that my imagination.

Emily was lying in bed, large swathes of bandages covering the entire right side of her face and wrapped, mummy-like, around her right arm. Red seeped through in places, forming four sparse, dotted lines across them. But even seeing Emily—the girl I loved like my own sister—in such a state wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was seeing Sam tendering clasping her hand, pressing his full lips against her finger tips. Her head was bowed towards him, a bright smile on her half-face. And she was giggling— _giggling_. They were completely absorbed in each other. 

It was like I had been completely forgotten. Like I had never even  _existed_  to them.

The two people I cared most for in the whole world, and I didn't even matter to them, either of them, anymore. My world seemed to come to a screeching halt, and gravity suddenly seemed off kilter.

"Leah?!" Jared exclaimed next to me, snapping out of my tailspin.

It caught the lovebirds attention too. They started and glanced towards the door, expressions of shock and guilt twisting their pathetic faces... Expressions that quickly transformed into a wary fear. I could only imagine what my own face looked like. It was totally beyond my control now... but it must be unsettling.

"You..." I growled through gritted teeth, realizing I had my jaws clamped together. The flames that were quenched erupted once more, quickly catching throughout me. I felt heat rush through my body, and I was so angry that I was shook where I stood. My eyes flicked between the two. "You lying little... You dirty, sneaky..." I was so mad I couldn't force the right words out.

"Leah, I'm sorry..." Emily choked, her voice somewhat muffled by the bandages that were tapped across even half her mouth. "It's not... It didn't... I'm so sorry it had to happen like this. You have to believe I didn't mean for this to happen! It... It just  _did_."

Then, just as quickly as the flame rose, it cut off, like all the oxygen was drawn away, suffocating it. In its place, a quick-moving ice spread through me, turning me  _cold_. I scoffed, shaking my head. 

" _Karma's_  a real bitch, huh?" I hissed, my gaze piercing as it fixed on Emily. She winced back.

"Leah, that's enough," Jared interrupted, now trying to pull me back. I shoved out at him, hard, and despite the fact he had a good foot and a half on me, he staggered back. He looked genuinely surprised.

"Don't worry," I snapped at him. "I'm going."

"No, Leah, don't—" Emily cried out.

I whipped my head back around to her. "You got exactly what you deserved," I snarled, before spinning around and running away, leaving them all behind me.

☾


	17. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Sam start to move on with their new lives.

☾

_Emily_

The darkness disappeared as Sam pulled his hands back. "Ta dah!" he cheered.

I had to blink a couple of times my vision back. It took longer now that I only had the one good eye, but eventually it all came into focus. 

There was small little house in front of me. I couldn't see much of it, and not because of my eye; there as a large tree right out front that hid most of it from view. Tree or no tree, I could make out that it was  _small_  and  _grey_. At least it had, at one point, been grey. Now it was just raw, weathered wood with flaking patches of grey.

The door had managed to keep more of it's paint intact—it was bright blue—but it still looked a little rough. A single thin window sat just off the side from it with empty flower box beneath.

Had anyone else been shown this house, I was sure they would've wrinkled their nose at it. I had to admit it looked a little dreary. It was old, and small, and would probably need a lot of work. But it had potential... for Sam. He had just bought it for himself, and I knew he was rather handy. I could see him making it into something very special. Especially if he let me help him.

"What do you think?" Sam asked, his deep voice rumbling close to my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. Even though his voice was even as always, I could sense the trepidation there.

"It's wonderful," I replied honestly, spinning myself so I was facing him. "I'm so proud of you. You're now Sam Uley,  _land owner_."

He nodded, surveying his small front yard. "Land owner, werewolf pack leader... so many responsibilities."

"You've got this," I assured him as I reached up and cupped his smiling face in my hands. I pulled him down to me so our lips could meet for a little peck. But then our lips refused to part. Soon he was scooping me up from the earth and holding me close as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Ahem," came a gruff voice from behind us.

Sam quickly placed me back on the ground, as gently as possible, and shielded me with his body as he turned to face the newcomer.

"Sorry to interrupt," Jared said with a big dopey grin spread wide across his face.

He, Embry, and Jared were sauntering down the narrow driveway that led up to the house, with one more lagging behind. As they got closer, I realized it was Jacob Black; I hadn't recognized him without his signature long hair. Now it was all shorn away, only a shadow of what it had once been.

Sam hadn't told me about this latest addition, but I wasn't surprised. I knew it was only a matter of time for a boy like Jacob. Since Sam and I had become a, uh,  _thing,_  I had gotten a full refresher course in Quileute legends. I knew that the Black line was up there with the Atearas and Clearwaters; he was  _destined_  for this life of magic. It was only a matter of time before Quil and Seth joined.

Jacob didn't look so ready to accept his destiny though. His full lips were curved down in a scowl.

"Nice to see you out of the hospital, Em," Jared said, tearing my attention away from Jacob. "You're looking good."

I smiled politely at the hollow compliment. I knew full well what I looked like, and 'good' was not it. "Thanks. It's nice to be out."

"I bet," Paul cut in before turning to Sam with a leer. "Not even out a day, and you're already on her. Wasting no time, eh Sam?"

Even though Sam was in his human form, I swore I could feel him  _bristle_ next to me. "Cut it out," Sam said, his stern voice giving no hint to his annoyance.  "Why are you here? I thought you understood that I needed a few hours—"

"We spotted the redhead again," Jacob interrupted, speaking up for the first time since they arrived. He sounded irritated, like he just wanted to get to the point. "We chased her off again, but this time she wasn't alone... there's a new one, a male with black hair. They appear to be friends."

Paul and Jared exchanged weary looks. Apparently Jacob's impatience was not appreciated.

Sam tensed next to me, but his voice was still perfectly even when he spoke. "That's not good. We can't have either of them slip through. We'll have to start doing regular runs around the village and territory."

"Starting when?" Paul asked, though the exasperation in his question sounded like he knew the answer he was going to get.

"Starting now," Sam said. "Jared, Embry, take the line near Forks. Jacob, Paul, stick close to La Push.  I'll join you in a few minutes."

"You know..." Paul said, looking quickly between his pack mates. "I think we could manage this one on our own. For an hour or two at least."

"Is that so?" Sam replied, his perfectly even voice finally giving way to sarcasm. "How... fortunate."

"Yeah," Paul said with a laugh. "Lucky  _you_." He shot me a wink before turning and running into the trees instead of up the driveway.

We watched as the rest of the pack mates followed suit and dove into the woods, even Jacob, though it was plain to see that his heart wasn't in his run.

Sam let out a great sigh when he was sure they were gone. It was odd to see these two sides of him; the fearless leader he put up as a front for his pack, and the compassionate man who worried for everyone all the time. There was a lot on his shoulders.

"Sheesh," he said, shaking his head. "They're about as subtle as a sledgehammer."

I laughed. "They weren't so bad. I mean, I haven't figured out what it was they were hinting at."

"That's exactly what I mean," he said with a chuckle. "You weren't supposed to know there was anything  _to_  hint at! It was supposed to be a surprise..."

"Your house?" I said, glancing back at it over my shoulder.

"Not quite," Sam said, taking my hand. "It's inside. Let me show you." He lead me over to the front door, taking out an old fashioned key to unlock the handle. 

Curiosity was burning inside of me. After he had shown me that he turned into a giant wolf, what could he do to surprise me now?

Shockingly, the door was silent as it pushed open. I was surprised something so old wouldn't make even a sound, but as I stepped inside I realized why. The exterior needed work, but the inside had been completely fixed up. It wasn't top of the line; the room was small and sparse, the fridge was obviously a decade or two old, and the cupboards were simple square-cut wood. But I could tell that there had been some genuine care put into this place. It wasn't fashionable, but it was solid, reliable... like Sam. This house suited him perfectly.

We passed a round table with a handful of mis-matched chairs haloed around it. "This is the kitchen and dining area," he explained as he led me through it, not even giving me a chance to respond. I kept my comments to myself. I didn't want to derail him from my surprise.

He took me around a corner into another, slightly larger room. "The living room," he announced. 

This room was sparsely furnished too. It only had a small loveseat, a coffee table, a standing lamp, and a narrow bookshelf. I was surprised to find the bookshelf already full, crammed with all sorts of books... until I realized that they were all of  _my_  books. I knew that copy—my copy—of Jane Eyre like the back of my hand, and there it was, settled amongst the books on the second highest shelf.

My curiosity gave way to confusion.  _Why were my books at Sam's house?_  I wondered. But I didn't get much time to ponder it, because Sam was dragging me along again, down a little hall.

"Bathroom," he said as we passed the open door to a tiny room tiled entirely in pea green. "And..." he began as he reached the end of the hall, pulling me into the final room. "The bedroom."

The bedroom, oddly enough, was the largest room in the house, even if that didn't amount to much. Pushed against the far wall, so big that it took up most of the room, was a King-sized bed. It had a white wrought iron frame, and a familiar quilt draped over top. I recognized it from the linen closet at home. It was a family heirloom, passed down from mother to daughter, whenever the daughter was about to...  _About to..._

The pieces snapped into place just as Sam bent down on one knee.

"Emily," Sam said, his voice deep and thick. His dark eyes were bottomless again, the endless voids holding me in place with their intense gravity. "This house isn't meant to be just  _mine_. At least, I don't want it to be." He chewed his lip for a second. "I-It's a struggle to explain to you how much you mean to me. Your presence has... opened my eyes. I feel like I am my true self, my  _right_  self when I am with you. You are my everything, Emily."

"Oh, Sam," I choked, my voice already heavy with emotion. 

He reached into his pocket and produced a dainty gold band with a single sparkling diamond. "I promise you," he began again. "That I will protect you, help you, support you, and love you forever, Emily Young. Will you marry me?"

Both my heart and my hands trembled as I stared at him and the ring, trying to comprehend that this was actually happening. It took a moment for it all to kick in, but when it did it game with a great speed. Joy exploded inside of me as I realized the true treasure he was offering me... Himself.

"Of course I will marry you," I mumbled, and bent down to kiss him.

☾

 


	18. Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily has settled into her new life, and is pleasantly surprised by the arrival of a new face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter "syncs" with Chapter 14 of New Moon… but from Emily's perspective.

☾

_Emily_

Setting my engagement ring aside and rolling up the sleeves of my lavender shirt, I set to work making the muffins. I needed to make at least two dozen, maybe more. Pulling out my big yellow bowl, I began flitting around my little kitchen, pulling ingredients out of the white cupboards and setting them on the counter. Flour, sugar, blueberries...

It was quick work, because I had done it a million times before. Humming as I went, I combined everything and folded it together with my favourite wooden spoon. I got out my extra large muffin tins, the ones where each muffin was more like a small cake, and divvied up the batter between each cup.

I was not good at being idle. To be fair, I never had been. I left nothing to the last minute; I had always been the person who did their homework days or even weeks in advance. Even when I relaxed, if you could call it that, I had to be doing something _..._ Painting, baking, weaving,  _anything_.

But since I had moved in with Sam, whatever part of me was driven to perfection had only intensified. Initially I had focussed on perking it up and making it our own by painting cupboards and planting flowers. Now that was finished, though, there were other things for me to work on.

Our house—our  _home—_ had become pack headquarters, there was always  _so much_  to do... And I loved it. The guys ever-increasing appetites never ceased to amaze, and required a lot of food preparation, but I took to it like a fish to water. There was something comforting about having a strong, simple purpose here.

Once each cup had been filled, I slid the tray into the oven and set a timer. Now I had some time to kill; I gazed around my kitchen, searching for something that could be cleaned, or straightened, or refreshed. My eyes landed on the blue pitcher that sat on the table. It was cracked, so it was only used for flowers now... but the bunch it held were old. They were drooping sadly against the pitcher's spout.

After glancing at the timer to make sure I had enough time, I grabbed the chipped blue vase from the table and headed outside. I dumped the old flowers in the compost bin, then wandered over to the tree line to collect some wild flowers. I added some daisies, bluebells, and even a handful of dandelions... I liked their bright yellow. Then I selected a careful few marigolds from the flowerbox next to the door to finish off the arrangement.

The timer went off just as I re-entered the kitchen. Leaving the freshly filled pitcher of flowers on the table, I went back to the oven and pulled them out. As I grabbed a paper plate to put them on from the cupboard—it was never a good idea to use  _real_  dishes for the pack's usual eating frenzy—I heard voices outside, carrying through the little slit window by the front door.

 _Perfect timing_ , I thought, popping out the last round of muffins and adding them to the paper plate.

"You guys hungry?" I asked in sing-song, and turned towards them with a smile, though the right side of my face wouldn't quite cooperate.

I expected the usual group, but there was a stranger there. 

"Oh," I said, surprised to see a new face. "Who's this?"

She was young, short—though everyone looked short next to the pack—small framed, and pale. Her long dark hair was damp, her full lips were pursed with uncertainty, and her emotive brown eyes were pulled wide. Her gaze grazed the scars that curved along my face, before falling to the platter of muffins I was holding.

"Bella Swan," Jared said, with a shrug. "Who else?"

The girl, Bella, glanced away for a moment, pink tinting her pale cheeks. 

So this was the  _infamous_  Bella... Befriender of vampires, breaker of werewolf hearts. Her exploits with Jacob—or lack there-of—were well known at this point.

She didn't look at all how I imagined. I was expecting some man-eater pretending at being the damsel in distress, not some skinny kid with nervous eyes. She had a  _fragile_  look to her, all crumpled in on herself, and her skin was so pale that made her look like she was sick... Or maybe that was the monster shadows that hung beneath her eyes.

I couldn't see the appeal. I didn't get why Jacob was so hung up on her. But he  _was_... To the point that he had, obviously, managed to find a loophole for Sam's order.

"Leave it to Jacob to find a way around," I mumbled. I thought of the day the boys were fighting with Jacob about her—or, rather, his  _thoughts_  about her. They had said she was using Jacob for her own amusement, toying with him after her vampire boyfriend ran out on her.  _Could a girl like this really do all that?_  "So,  _you're_  the vampire girl."

The girl tensed up, like I might change into a wolf myself. "Yes. Are you the wolf girl?" she muttered back.

Her witty response took me by surprise for a second, but I quickly burst into laughter. Embry and Jared joined in. "I guess I am," I said, warming to her. I saw it now, how such an unassuming girl could command the attention of not one, but  _two_ , legendary beings. There was a spark there, hidden beneath those mooning eyes.

But I had also realized that there was no one else lingering outside; the wolf pack was short a few, including their leader. I turned to look at Jared. "Where's Sam?"

He stopped mid-bite and looked abashed, glancing at the pale girl in our midst. "Bella, er, surprised Paul this morning."

I rolled my eyes—well,  _eye_. The right one didn't roll so well any more. "Ah, Paul," I said with a sigh, understanding immediately. "Do you think they'll be long? I was just about to start the eggs."

"Don't worry," Embry piped up. "If they're late, we won't let anything go to waste."

"No doubt," I said with a snicker, and then pulled open the fridge door. I pulled out two full cartons of eggs and put them on the counter next to my freshly washed yellow bowl. "Bella, are you hungry? Go ahead and help yourself to a muffin."

"Thanks," she said quietly. I watched as she moved timidly, like a mouse, towards the table. She snatched a muffin off the plate, then retreated back to the edge of the counter. She took tiny bites from the edge at first, paused... And then began taking larger ones.

She must like it. I smiled.

When Embry grabbed another—how many was that been? Three?—and crammed it into his mouth, barely remembering to chew, she looked shocked.

"Save some for your brothers," I chided, sidling up to him and smacking him with my trusty wooden spoon. He yelped and rubbed at his head where I had hit him.

"Pig," Jared sneered, and I brandished the spoon at him too, warning him not to get too comfortable. You couldn't let these boys have an inch otherwise they'd  _eat_  the whole damn mile.

Bella watched us from her station at the counter, the obvious outsider, with a quiet smile on her lips.

I went back to the counter, returning to my yellow bowl, and began cracking the eggs. After getting into the routine of feeding a literal pack of wolves, I had become a egg-cracking master; it was quick work. I began to beat them with the spoon—after washing it off, of course—but the opening door distracted me.

"Emily," came the smooth, familiar voice. It sent shivers through me, and I snapped my head up with excitement, a wide smile already pulling at the working corner of my mouth.

Sam had arrived. Though I had just seen him this morning, I was overcome with a swell of emotion. It was like I was seeing him for the very first time in a long time, like he had come back from war. Every time I saw him felt like the first moment I had known that he truly belonged to me.

He strode over to me, and cradled his hands around my face; my head felt small in his vast hands. He towered over me, staring into my eyes for a moment before he dipped down and pressed his full lips against my right cheek, his kiss making the delicate scar tissue tingle. A quiet sigh escaped my lips before he moved to them, taking them with his.

"Hey, none of that," Jared whined. "I'm eating."

Sam pulled away long enough to tell them off. "Then shut up and eat," he said, before returning to my mouth.

"Ugh," Embry moaned. Even Bella put her muffin down and curled in on herself.

Sam and I ignored them all.

Laughter echoed through the kitchen. Everyone turned towards the door, where Jacob and Paul were bounding in, playfully swiping at each other. They had fixed whatever argument had come between them, and seemed to be in high spirits again.

But Jacob's smile faltered when his eyes fell on Bella. He rebounded quickly though, and scooped up two muffins before he went to join her. She picked her own muffin up, and the nibbling began again. The two of them began a low conversation, so I returned to my task, dumping half of the egg mixture into the cast-iron skillet on the stove top. Sam hovered nearby, his hand lingering on my back, like he was guiding me through the motions of making scrambled eggs.

The others began shouting something about a bet—Embry said something about _fifteen dollars—_ but I just ignored them. They were always shouting about something.

"Hey, guys," Sam interrupted, his voice booming.

The chatter died out immediately. I continued to move the eggs around the skillet, knowing that he wasn't speaking to me, but I listened with one ear.

"Jacob has information for us."

"I know what the redhead wants," Jacob began, speaking with as much command as Sam did. I wasn't surprised... Sam had explained to me that Jacob had abdicated his role of pack leader. "That's what I was trying to tell you before." I heard a thud, and a scuffle of chair on floor. I was tempted to spin around and yell at him, but I held myself back. We had company.

"And?" someone asked.

"She is trying to avenge her mate... Only it wasn't the black-haired leech we killed," Jacob continued. "The Cullens got her mate last year, and she's after Bella now."

Even  _these_  vampires were after the girl? I glanced at her over my shoulder, and saw her shudder. She seemed like a real magnet for disaster...

While I was busy watching her, trying to figure her out as my hand moved over the pan, I missed some of the conversation... but noticed when Jacob grabbed my can opener and  _threw_  it at Jared's head. Thankfully Jared caught it with graceful ease—I was more worried about the can opener than him, seeing as I knew how fast they healed—but still!

I opened my mouth to protest, but Sam placed his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. I looked at him and he just shook his head, his eyes full of apology. I gave him a small shrug and turned back to my eggs, as he turned back to them.

His deep voice carried over their little spat, silencing them. "So we'll be changing our patterns. We'll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But if she's really after Bella, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers."

They hashed out more tactical information, and I tried to block it out; though I was truly the 'wolf girl' as Bella put it, I hated to know  _too_  much of what was happening. It made it easier for me to picture what was going on, which made it easier for me  _worry_  about everything that could go  _wrong_.

But I couldn't stop myself from picking up the last of Sam's plan. "...And Jacob and I will take the inner. We'll collapse in when we've got her trapped," he finished.

I noticed that Sam was in the smaller group, which immediately bothered me. Smaller numbers meant less back up, less protection... I stared at him, trying to convince myself that he would be okay. I felt another pair of eyes on me, but when I glanced around, whoever had caught me watching Sam had looked away.

They began discussing what to do about Bella while they tried to catch the redheaded vampire, so I went back to ignoring them, and began to push the cooked eggs onto a serving plate. I saved two portions and put them on single plates... One for me, one for Bella. I doubted she wanted to fight the pack for her share of the eggs; I was the 'wolf girl' and I even  _I_  knew better than to attempt that.

Jacob wanted Bella to stay around La Push, which I thought made the most sense. But Sam glanced at me, and I knew there was hesitation there. His dark eyes traced the scars that trailed down my face and across my arm. "You saw this morning how easily things can get dangerous here, how quickly they get out of hand," he said, solemnly, to Bella. "If you choose to stay with us, I can't make any guarantees about your safety."

Jacob grumbled a little at the comment, but even Sam's warning couldn't deter Bella. She agreed La Push was the safest for her and her father; she didn't want to try and run, only to end up putting someone else at risk. She even seemed worried about endangering the  _pack_.

"You'll be careful, right?" she asked, her voice thick and warbling.

The boys truly made spectacles of themselves then, howling with laughter like a pack of  _hyenas_  rather than wolves. Even Sam joined in. Everybody except me. I looked at her, and our eyes met. I watched as she inspected my stern face... Her eyes shimmered for a moment, and then she looked away.

I sighed. Such an odd creature... Noble, selfless, yet hopelessly timid.

"Food's ready," I called eventually, trying to imitate Sam's booming authority. It worked; the room went reverently silent, though I wasn't sure if that was respect for me or respect for the food.

I plopped the large plate of eggs on the table, with a fresh stack of paper plates, and a cup of sturdy silverware. There was a flash of hands and a savage clinks of metal on metal (hand to God, I had even seen sparks once) as they boys dished themselves up.

Bella hovered tentatively for a moment, and looked relieved when I pushed her own plate towards her. We ate silently besides each other, watching the boys devour the food and make a mess of my table. Her gaze turned towards me a few times, but she didn't try and pick up any conversation, so I pretended not to notice. I didn't want to spook the little mouse.

After Jacob and Bella headed back to Billy's after saying their goodbyes I couldn't help but wonder how much I'd see of her in the future. Would she, one day, become a 'wolf girl' too? I hoped so. Beyond her protective exterior, I could tell there was more. She'd be an interesting friend, and it would be nice to have another  _girl_  around here. 

It wasn't like Leah would come knocking any time soon... though, I had to admit, I wished she would.

☾


	19. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Leah discovers a new part of herself, it has a huge affect on her family.

☾

_Leah_

The sky was splotchy and purple, like a fresh bruise. I stared up at it, watching the clouds from the living room window. Electricity was coursing through the air. Drops were splattering against the window. 

A storm was coming. 

I welcomed it.

I used to hate the rain. I had hated how the damp seemed to dig beneath my skin and settle in my bones. I hated the way it interrupted my plans for the weekend, or how it seemed inevitable, inescapable in this little piece of nowhere...

Now, I  _liked_  the rain's constant presence. It felt reliable, the one thing in my life that wouldn't change. Even when I couldn't trust anyone else, at least I could trust the stupid rain to fall.

It helped that recently, that chill no longer bothered me. It was like I had grown immune to it's touch. No matter how cold and rainy it got, I felt fine. Maybe all this bullshit in my life had started toughening me up, or maybe I was just being heated by the angry coals that seemed to be constantly smouldering inside of me.

"Aw man," Seth moaned with disappointment behind me as he spotted the gloomy weather. "We were gonna go to the beach today!"

"Oh, how sad," I replied, from my spot on the couch. I meant it to come out as a sarcastic jab, but there was a deeper, angrier tone there that even I was surprised to hear.

Seth just looked at me, his face crumpled up with disgust. "What is your  _problem_ , Leah? Can't I complain about the stupid weather?"

For some reason the flame inside me grew, and a placeless fury began to build. There was a brief thought of restraining myself, but it was too late. The spark had caught, and the flame was quickly turning into a raging wildfire. "No, you can't... because it's freaking annoying! Are you really surprised that it's raining in this piece of crap town? It's  _always_  raining!"

My brother huffed with exasperation. I knew it well... I had heard that same sigh from so many people, people who were fed up with my sob-story life. 

Didn't they know  _I_  was fed up with my life too?

Seth sulked away and I turned back to watch the darkening clouds.  _Maybe I should go for a run,_ I thought. It wasn't like the rain would bother me... And maybe if I was lucky I'd get struck by lightning and be put out of my misery.

I climbed off the couch, stretched my muscles out and then turned to head upstairs to grab my running gear.

But Mom and Dad were blocking the door.

I waited, expecting them to move, but they didn't. They were just watching me with solemn expressions. Had they caught my fight with Seth? I groaned inwardly.  _Great..._  They had already expressed concern over my "moods"-as they called them.

"What?" I challenged, wanting to get this looming conversation over with. I already knew how it would go: they'd tell me I needed help, I'd refuse, they'd beg, I'd scream. Same old story. I didn't know why they bothered.

"Leah, we need to talk to you," Mom started, the typical way...  _carefully_.

"About what?" I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest.

They just looked at each other, like they weren't sure. Then, before saying anything, they moved to each take a seat in the arm chairs that were placed across from the couch.

"Maybe you should sit down," Mom suggested.

I narrowed my eyes at them as I sat on the edge of the couch cushion. This... This wasn't the way it usually went. They were being too quiet. Usually they launched right into their lecture. Their eyes darted around the room, unwilling to look at me for more than a second.

This seemed more serious. God, where they going to try and send me away or something?  _Good luck,_ I thought and gave a snort.

After one more questioning glance at my father, my mother inhaled and straightened up.

"Leah," she said. "We... we have some news."

"Did someone die?" I asked.

"No, no!" Mom replied quickly, shaking her head. "No, this is—this should be— _good_  news."

I cocked my eyebrow.

My mother did another check with my dad. He nodded sternly, urging her on.

"You see, Leah, this has been kept quiet for a while, but they said we could start telling people now," she said, looking at her knees like she was scared of my reaction. "Leah, your cousin Emily is  _engaged_... to Sam."

My face, usually so tight and knotted with simmering rage, fell blank. My jaw dropped open, my mouth forming a perfect 'o'. The constant smouldering fire inside was doused with ice water. The fire had burned away everything else, so I was just empty. I felt nothing, because there was nothing there to feel.

There was a foreign wetness on my cheeks. I touched them, confused, and realized they were tears.

Was... was I crying? Why...? Was I hurt? Why? Why was I hurt? It wasn't like this was surprising. I knew he was with her. I knew he had  _chosen_  her over me. So why?

"Leah, honey..." Mom said softly.

Sensation started to come creeping back. The pain gripped me so strongly that my whole body started to shake. My arms were no longer crossed, but wrapped around me like I was physically trying to hold myself together.

Even though I knew that he had left me, that he was hers now... Some small, stupid part of me hoped he'd one day change his mind. That he realized he was being an idiot, and realize that I was the one who really loved him.

He  _belonged_  with me. She barely knew him! They had only been together for a few months!  _We_  had years together!

Slowly, my inner flame rekindled. Now, however, it burned hotter and brighter than ever. It scorched through me.

I leapt off the couch, my breathing coming in quick, shuddering gasps, the extra oxygen only feeding the fire. My parents recoiled, like they were expecting I would snap and literally  _kill_  the messengers.

But I didn't care about them. I ignored them as I began searching the room for a particular picture frame. The plain black one that housed the picture of that barbecue, with me and Em right up front, looking so happy.

I found it on the side table on the far end of the couch... then picked it up and hucked it at the wall as hard as I could.

"You traitorous  _bitch_!" I screamed as the frame shattered.

"Leah!" my dad bellowed, getting up from his chair. "What on Earth do you think you're doing?"

"Leah, honey," my mom jumped in, her voice softer, more pleading. "Please, don't... I know you're angry, but you should be happy for your cousin. Don't you want her to be happy?"

"No," I snarled. "She doesn't deserve to be. She  _ruined_  everything good in my life."

It was the first time I had actually voiced the feelings inside. It was true... I didn't want her to be happy. I wanted her to suffer.

Both my mom and dad looked horrified by my admission.

"Leah," my mom said. She sounded more reproachful now. "This isn't normal. I think... I think you need help.  _Real_  help."

I scoffed. "It's not me, it's all this  _garbage_  around me. I doubt they have some pill that can make my life not  _suck_. My life would be great if I had a boyfriend who didn't dump me for my best friend, a best friend who didn't steal my boyfriend, and a mom who was supportive instead of treating me like the bad guy for having my frickin' heart broken! But, surprise, I  _don't._  And there's nothing I can really do about that."

Mom's face scrunched up like she might cry.

Another hateful thought shot through me.  _Good._

"Leah," my dad interjected, sounding surprisingly calm. "We're truly sorry you're hurt by this, we are. But you can't take it out on us—including your cousin Emily—like this."

I growled.  _Yep, just the usual... defend Emily, demonize me._  Some parents. "And what exactly do I suggest I do?!"

Dad's eyes were deep and serious as they stared into mine. "Move on, honey. Stop being angry. You can't be angry forever."

As he said it, the flame spread through me, crawling up up my spine, echoing through my entire body. The shaking returned, making me shudder violently. I felt like it was consuming me as I screamed.  _"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO FEEL—"_

Then everything... changed. Like the fire inside had found some combustive source right at the core of me, I felt myself explode.

☾


	20. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Leah finally talk honestly about what has happened to them.

☾

_Leah_

I watched my parents terrified faces as I soared through the room, debris scattering through the air around me. 

 _Wow_ , came an oddly disconnected thought,  _I didn't think I'd_ actually _explode._

But as my feet touched the ground I realized something was wrong. Something was horribly, terribly, awfully wrong. Aside from the odd sensation in my limbs, I felt much too large, much too alert. I could hear the cars on the road, the nattering of the squirrels in the trees... Not just hear, but I could  _smell_  them too. I could smell  _so_   _many_  things. 

The coming rain, already thick in the air...

The faint, stale lingering of tobacco smoke, an addiction dad had kicked years ago...

And eerie sweet scent that made me uneasy...

The remnants of a spicy triple-decker burger from the diner in Forks...

I looked at my dad, following the scent to him. He had fallen to his knees, his bulging eyes staring at me. My mother was beside him, frozen where she stood, and her expression matched his.

"Le... ah...?" she asked, like she wasn't sure.

 _Obviously_ , I tried to say... but it only out like a growling moan. I didn't understand why my mouth wasn't obeying me.

Seth burst in, looking frightened. "Mom? What was that— _holy crap_." His eyes fell on me and the blood drained from his face. He staggered backwards with a high pitched whine before there was another inexplicable explosion that shook the entire house. Mom screamed.

"Seth?" she called out, her voice high and frantic. "Seth, are you okay?"

A whimpering echoed in from the hall, before a huge wolf peered in from the doorframe. It was a pale brown, almost tan, and it looked scared, its whole body shaking as it inched further in. 

Dad doubled over with a sickening groan. "I... I never... thought... I didn't think that  _she_  would... I didn't think she  _could_... Oh God, oh no..."

"Seth?" mom repeated.

The animal whined again, and then again, its shaking getting worse as it heard it's own response. I stared at it, shocked. The thing was responding to my brother's name. I remembered the explosion, and wondered if it could, somehow, be possible.  _Could it?_  My own explosion came back to me and a fear wound itself around me, cold and tight.

I turned, slowly to the large living room window behind me, to check my reflection.

In the cracked glass of the window, a white wolf stared back. It was huge, even bigger than the sand coloured one... But this one was white with grey flecks. It sat amongst the wreckage that used to be our couch.

Fear gripped me.  _Is... is that me?_  I wondered.

But before I had a chance to really contemplate it, the white wolf was lunging forward. The glass smashed all around and realization hit me then.  _I_  was the white wolf. I was a  _wolf_. And I had just jumped through the living room window. 

Then I was running, running as far as I could from here.

I heard my mother call my father's name before I disappeared into the forest.

I dove through the trees at incredible speed, effortlessly running faster than ever before. Though the impending storm made it seem like night in the woods, I could see perfectly fine. I felt like a ghost, breezing through the branches... 

Despite the thousand questions that were crowding my mind, I felt true pleasure for the first time in weeks. In  _months_.

My happiness disappeared when voices started echoing through my head. They were familiar, and they were all calling my name, sounding shocked, almost scandalized.

 _So this is it_ , I thought.  _This is true craziness. I've finally lost it. Ah, well. So long sanity, I won't miss you anyway._

 _You're not crazy,_  came several replies, all speaking at once.

Before I had a chance to respond, to ask who they were, another voice—deeper and bolder than the others—cut through the chatter.

"Leah?" came Sam's voice. I knew it was his because I would know it anywhere.

Suddenly, my swift and faultless feet gave out from under me. I stumbled, falling over myself and slamming into a tree.

"Leah?" came his perfect, clear voice again. He sounded shocked, afraid, and I felt the fear ripple through every single one of the presences in my head. "Leah, is that... is that really you?"

"I don't know," I replied honestly, thinking it inwards. I had gotten to my feet, and realized that I had four of them. It felt both natural and  _un_ natural at the same time. "I think so...?"

There was another ripple of fear, but this felt different. It was detached, separate from my original feeling;  _this_  fear was a leader's worry for the other voices that crowded my head, fear for what I might do... Fear for Emily, if I might go after her.

It was  _Sam's_  fear. I gasped at the realization, but it came out as a high whine.

"Jacob, I need you to go to my place. If anything...  _happens_ , phase to protect Emily."

"Roger," came a joking voice that I quickly realized was Jacob's. He was trying to sound light, but there was a forced quality to it.

My heart hurt as I heard his plans.

"Emrby," Sam continued. "Go help Seth. He seems distressed."

As he mentioned my brother again, I could hear a faint mumbling panic that sounded like Seth. He was babbling, not making any sense at all.

 _What's wrong?_  I wondered, but I was distracted again when Sam spoke again.

"Everyone else, phase back to human. I need to have a private word with Leah. Don't phase back until I reach you directly, or unless you absolutely have to."

Suddenly most of the worried murmuring around me snuffed out, leaving rippling waves in their wake. Seth's babbling continued, until a calm voice—Embry—spoke to him. 

"Don't worry, Seth, I'm almost there. I'll help you. You need to become a human again, so we can talk to your parents."

"H-how?" Seth's shaky, choking voice replied.

"It's easy, I promise. All you have to do is visualize your human body again. Then Imagine your wolf body shrinking backwards into your human body..." 

I felt another strange shimmer in my mind.

"That's it!" Embry cheered, but Seth was already gone. Embry quickly followed him.

I was alone in the quiet again... except for Sam.

"Where are you, Leah?" he asked.

I slumped against the tree, trying to get my bearings. "I, uh, I don't know. I ran into the trees at the edge of my backyard... and then... I don't know."

"That's okay," Sam assured me, his voice gentle again like it had been before all this crap went down. "I can find your scent. I'll be there soon." 

As he ran, I could see the trees through his eyes, smell my own scent through his nose. It was disorienting. I felt dizzy, and slumped back down to the ground.

Soon enough, I could hear his breathing. I looked amongst the trees to find him. Even though my sight was exceptional, I had a hard time making out his form. He was pitch black with black glinting eyes. He was by far the biggest wolf I had ever seen, myself included.

"Leah..." Sam's voice breathed in my mind, soft yet wary. He approached me slowly. "I know how hard this is for you."

"Do you?" I snapped back, even though I was looking at a wolf that I knew was my ex-boyfriend, as absolutely  _crazy_  as all that sounded. "Do you really?"

"Of course," Sam replied, his voice even, completely unaffected by my attempt to goad him. "Don't you remember, Leah?" As he said it, images flooded his mind. Images of that last day we had truly been committed to each other, the first night his  _fever_  appeared. Of us holding hands, kissing... Identical to my own memories of that night, but it reversed. Instead of kissing him, I was kissing myself.

I recoiled at first, confused.

"Leah," he chided, almost like a teacher. "Pay attention. This is important. I want to show you what happened to me."

I understood then. What I was watching were  _his_  memories. This wasn't me kissing me like some weird Freudian dream. This was  _him_  kissing  _me_. I kept quiet and let the rest of the memories wash over me. I wondered briefly if this was going to cause me pain—curiosity might kill the six-foot-tall white wolf—but I decided I didn't care. What was a little more suffering on top of everything else?

The memories came fast.

_Through Sam's eyes, I watched myself walk him home. It was so odd, and sickening, to watch this from the other side. To watch myself look so hopeful as I walked him home. The worry that played on my own face when I spoke about the fever. The love I felt colouring everything... Sam's love. For me._

I winced, the pain squeezing the breath out of me. Sam winced too, feeling the remnants. It was an odd reaction, but I was too lost in the memory to be interested in the why.

_The next day, when I had taken him to the hospital. I saw my own vision redden as I stared at the strangely beautiful doctor. He infuriated me._ _His smell burned my nostrils._ _I felt the urgency as Sam felt the need to run away. I saw myself chase after him, the worry in my features, the hurt as Sam—I—he—yelled at me. The guilt that crept in after..._

My pain was replaced with disgust... Disgust with myself. The neediness, the vulnerability. Watching myself repeat these mistakes made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to shout at my past self to run away before she— _I_  could get hurt. Before I— _she_  turned into a monster.

I felt a detached pang of guilt as Sam watched me watching him. The memories continued on.

_I saw myself in the clinic, bustling over me, true worry in my features. I saw Old Quil peering at me, cautious yet knowing. I felt the fire burn through me, and my vision redden again. I felt the fear as I ran from the clinic, trying to make it to the woods before I exploded. I just barely made it through the trees before it happened. And then... A howl broke out from my lungs._

I echoed the howl in the present day. I knew exactly what Sam's big secret was now.

"I was the first," Sam explained, pulling the memory back. "I didn't have anyone who could tell me what to do. How to survive. To explain that I wasn't going crazy. No way to figure out how to phase back."

I just grunted, unable to make words, not even in my head.

"I did, eventually, and that's when I came back. But I still had no idea what was going on until Old Quil figured it out. You have to understand why I couldn't tell you. It was... insane. Dangerous."

I didn't respond.

"I thought that one day you might find out, when it happened to Seth. But I never realized that you would phase too."

"Phase?" I repeated. "Phase into what?"

"A werewolf," Sam stated simply, like he was telling me the colour of his eyes. 

The word "werewolf" had me reeling. "Is that what you are? What I am?"

Sam bowed his head, like he was apologizing. "Yes. And on top of that, you're special. You're the first of our kind, Leah, did you know? You're the first female to phase, ever."

"Whoop-dee-doo," I snarled, at last. "I'm  _special_. Just what I always wanted."

"This  _is_  special, Leah. We were  _destined_  to protect our tribe. It's an honour."

"Destined?!" I spat. "To hell with destiny. Destiny screwed me over."

"You don't get it yet," Sam said, unruffled by my hostility. There was a serenity to his voice that made me angrier instead of calmer. "I hope you do one day, though. I wish you every happiness in this world."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Sam paused. "I can show you, like I did before. I think it will help you, but I also fear it will be painful for you."

The utter sincerity in his voice worried me, but I had nothing else to lose. "Show me."

"Let's start slow..." he began.

_The scene was familiar. It was the inside of one of the classrooms at La Push School, one that I had been in hundreds of time. I was entering through the door at the start of the day, but the students were different... A different class, a different year. I felt strange, because I had just found out that I was a werewolf a few days before. I had missed some class, but it was my first day back._

How did I know all this? Something told me this wasn't Sam's memory. For starters, because Sam had been in my class at school.

"It's Jared's memory," Sam clarified.

"You can see each other's memories?" I thought, aghast.

"Yes. But please pay attention, Leah. I'll answer your questions after."

_I was back in the classroom, walking to my usual desk. There was a girl already seated next to it, the same girl that had been there all year. I didn't remember her name—Kate? Kim?—but I also didn't care. We had never really spoken before. I didn't pay her much mind. She was turned away, talking to her friends._

_Then she turned back to grab something out of her pencil case, and my whole world flipped my upside down. My eyes locked with hers and I felt like I had come undone at the seams. Layer after layer peeled away from me until the only, most basic instincts remained. Then she healed me and made me whole. She was the thread that sewed me back together. She was the thing that held it all in it's place. She was my everything..._

_She smiled, and I was hers._

I shuddered away from the memory. It felt wrong, like I had swam naked through Jared's most intimate thoughts. It was also very confusing, both intoxicating—feeling Jared's consumption with that girl—and disgusting watching it second-hand.

"What the hell was that?" I shouted inwardly. Yips and sick-sounding whimpers escaped my mouth. "Why did you show me that?!"

"That was imprinting," Sam explained. "Do you remember our legends about that?"

I did, but only vaguely. Imprinting was supposed to be this big, amazing connection you had with just one person in your lifetime. Soulmates, but stronger. I had thought it was crap, of course, but now...

"Imprinting is a strange phenomenon, I'll admit. When it happens, it overrides everything, every part of you. And it's something only werewolves do. It's how we find our perfect mates... _They_  are our destiny."

Though he hadn't said anything yet, a worry brewed in my chest. "Is that what you really wanted to show me?" I asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

"No," Sam admitted, already sounding sorry. "That was just... an introduction. This... This is what I wanted to show you. What you need to see."

_Again I was thrust into a new scene. It was my house, and I was answering the door. Two huge guys stepped ahead of me, and I bent down to kiss myself again. Then I led myself out of the house, into the backyard. There was a fire crackling in the stone pit, and a sizeable crowd circling around it. Mrs and Mr Clearwater, Billy Black and his son Jacob, Seth, and a girl I knew but hadn't seen for a while—_

_She looked up at me and—_

"NO!" I screamed, breaking the vision. I shook my head, and gave a great guttural moan."I can't... Please... No..."

"Leah, please. You need to understand."

"No..." I whimpered, both inside and out.

"You  _must_ , Leah," came his command.

And I couldn't stop it.

 _She looked up at me. Leah's—_ my _cousin. I had seen her several times before, and I hadn't found her remarkable. Leah was definitely the more beautiful one._

I felt pleasure at noticing that, and then hated myself. Petty.

_But this time... I couldn't look away. She was the most radiant being I had ever set eyes on. My whole body shook with want. Not just for her, but for everything I could give her. Everything I could do for her. Protect her. Serve her. Give her the sun and the moon. Her eyes were perfect, as lively as the tide pools that dotted First Beach, and they held all my promise and future in a simple circle._

_She looked at me, and I was hers._

Though I expected it too, the vision didn't end.

_As immediately as I understood, I felt shame. I knew who this girl was—Emily—what she meant to Leah, what Leah meant to me._

_It felt wrong to love Leah still, but I did. But Emily was my entire world now. The feelings I felt for them didn't exist on the same plane. My shame intensified... I had to get out of here. I turned and I ran without saying a word._

_And every step away from her caused me pain, but pain I had to endure._

Finally, mercifully, the vision flickered out. I noticed my breaths came in deep, shaking gasps. If I were human, I was sure I would be sobbing.

"Do you see now?" Sam asked. "Imprinting is why this all happened. Emily isn't to blame, not in the least. She didn't do this on purpose. It was just meant to be"

I just laid there, trying to wrap my head around it, shaking on the forest floor as Sam towered over me. I couldn't deny what I— _he_  had seen. What he had felt. What had happened. I knew with absolute certainty that what he told me about imprinting was true. But that didn't heal the ragged wound that festered inside of me.

Sam just looked calmly down at me. "If you have to blame anyone, then blame me. Don't take this out on Emily."

The flame of anger returned, weakened and sputtering, but burning still. Something occurred to me. I had felt everything he—and Jared—had when sifting through their memories. It wasn't just him that could share memories... or feelings.

I dredged up some memories of my own, and pushed them towards him.

First, a bittersweet one.  _Our first night together, in tent tucked into a quiet corner of woods. The heat, the need, the feeling of completion. How he had whispered, again and again, that he would never leave me. That he loved me, and would love me, forever._

It was Sam's turn to recoil. Shame radiated from him.

Now, some more painful ones.  _The hurt and fear and hopelessness I felt when he had first disappeared._  Sam's guilt doubled. He backed away from me.  _How Emily had been so kind and supportive._ It tripled, and now it was him who whimpered pathetically.

I staggered to my four feet and brought out some others.  _Sam breaking up with me, and how it felt when my whole world fell apart. The long stretch of days afterwards where I couldn't feel anything but pain and emptiness. Emily's futile attempts to cheer me up. And then finding out she had been sneaking around with him. The fierce betrayal, the new kind of hurt I had to learn._

And then, finally, the hospital.  _My anger washed away with worry for my cousin. The panic and rush I had made to see her... And then finding her there, in his embrace. How again and again I had been torn apart and pieced back together, only to be pulled apart again. How each time some part of me was missing. How it felt like I would never be whole again._

It sounded like Sam was choking, strange animal like gags, but I knew—because I was in his head—that he was consumed with pain. He had felt every ounce of hurt I had felt for these past months. But there was more. I hadn't shown him how my parents treated me like I was crazy—

Suddenly Embry's voice was there again.

"Sam?" he asked, worried. I could feel his discomfort at the atmosphere within our heads.

"What are you doing here?" Sam bellowed, feeling ashamed to be stumbled upon. "I told you to stay out!"

"It's Harry," Embry said quickly, before Sam chased him down. "Leah needs to know. Her father... He had a heart attack."

☾


	21. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of her family's tragedy, Leah learns some important things about herself.

☾

_Leah_

I was planted in the middle of our new couch as the entire village circled around me. I couldn't tell anyone of them apart. Everyone was dressed in black, as was I, so they all blurred together into one faceless mass. I just stared blankly ahead, holding tightly onto my mother's hand as they all gave their respect to my father.

I couldn't believe Dad was gone. Even in the middle of his funeral, I expected him to step through the front door in his fishing weighters and ask what the fuss was about. My throat thickened, and I swallowed hard to push it down. I didn't want to think about this. I couldn't. If I did, then I would think about how I was the one who—

A pale face emerged from the sea of darker ones. Charlie Swan. His formal officer's hat was clutched to his chest, and his curly, salt-and-pepper hair was flattened from wearing it. His deep brown eyes were rimmed with red. 

My head shifted to the side automatically, trying to hide my face in my long hair... but it wasn't there anymore. I had to cut it all off because it affected the length of my fur in my wolf form. 

"Sue, I'm truly sorry for your loss," he said, his voice gruff but sincere. He didn't even react to the difference in her hair, which made me happy. Mom had cut all hers off too, as a sign of solidarity with me. Some people hadn't been able to hide their shock after seeing it, and it bothered her.

Mom just nodded back to Charlie, and a few new sobs shook through her. Seth wrapped his arms around her, whispering what encouraging words he could muster in her ear.

As both of them were unable to respond, it fell on me to respond. My eyes met his, and I muttered, "Thank you."

Not the most verbose one himself, Charlie didn't seem to mind my clipped response. He just gave a small smile and moved along.

I couldn't feel any kind of animosity for Charlie Swan. He was a good man, and I knew he was having as hard of a time as any of us, as Dad had been his best friend. And on top of that, right when he would need her the most, his selfish  _bitch_  of a daughter decided to piss off to Europe on some idiot teenage whim. To rescue one of those...  _things_.

Of course, I couldn't pretend that some of my anger towards her was all for Charlie's sake. It was for mine as well. Since my change, I had been filled in on exactly  _why_  all this had happened. The leeches living under our noses had triggered the transformation in all of us. And Bella Swan, hopelessly entangled in their non-lives, only made it worse.

If not for them, I might still be normal.

If not for them, Sam would've never imprinted on Emily.

If not for them, my dad might still been alive. 

I tried not to picture that night, but the memories came flooding back involuntarily. The look of my dad's strained face as he took in my wolf form for the first time. The shock in his eyes... The shock that would set off the heart attack that killed them. The shock  _I caused_. No,  _they_ caused. No, I... No...

My mom cried out, and yanked her hand out of mine. I started, blinking rapidly as I returned to reality.

"Too tight," she whispered, flexing her fingers.

I looked down at my now empty hand. I must've been squeezing it without noticing. 

"Sorry," I muttered back, looking ashamed.  _Hadn't I hurt my family enough?_

"It's okay," Mom said, patting my knee. Now that she finally understood what I was going through, we were on much better terms.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. 

It felt so stuffy in here, with all the recycled air, and all the warm bodies—not helped by the presence of several werewolves. 

"I think I need to go outside," I whispered so that only Seth and Mom could hear.

Mom looked at me softly and nodded, giving me her permission.

I stood up. I nodded politely to Charlie again as I passed by and slipped out the front door.

I had intended to head straight into the woods, so I could phase and go for a run, but I only made it a few steps before I stopped dead in my tracks. Sam was here, and he had brought Emily. They were lingering at the very end of the porch, several feet away.

They hadn't noticed me... yet. They were having a low, hushed conversation, and it seemed tense.

 _Did I want them to notice me?_ I wondered. I could easily make a break for it and be gone before they could say anything. That was one of the benefits of being the fastest.

But just as I leaned into a crouch, ready to run, my heightened hearing caught Sam's words.

"—not a good idea. He said Leah's pretty upset," he said.

"That's exactly why it  _is_  a good idea. Leah... Leah needs our support."

"It might not be safe for you," he said, and ran his hand gently over her right, horribly scarred cheek.

"It will be okay," Emily replied. "I want to be there for her. I have to be."

"Do you think she  _wants_  you here?" The words were harsh, but the way Sam said them made them gentler.

I fought a gag.  _No, I didn't want them here_ —

"No," Emily replied, her voice shaking. "I don't think she does. But I can't stand  _not_  being here. Just... Just in case she  _does_  need me."

The sound of my scoff turned their heads, but I was already darting away. I disappeared into the trees just as Sam half-heartedly called my name. I ignored the throbbing in my chest.

I jogged easily through the underbrush, making it quickly to my little changing station. It wasn't much—just two tarps suspended amongst the trees to give me some privacy while I changed—but it was enough. Though the  _guys_  were more shameless—happy to traipse around in their birthday suits, wearing only ratty sweatpants that they hid in bushes—I refused to give into that kind of sloppiness. After I had to sacrifice everything else, I wanted to keep at least a shred of my dignity.

I quickly shed my clothes and tucked them into a plastic container to protect from any rain. Then I crouched down into a ball, and let the fire consume my body. The flame shuddered through me until it finally exploded out. Fur replaced flesh, and then I was free.

My head was blissfully silent. No one else was in this realm. I huffed a big sigh, and then took off running.

☾

I don't know how I ended up here, at the side of a cliff. I was sitting at the ledge, watching another storm roll in. The waves below were deep black and wild, crashing violently against the rock face.

This had been where Swan girl had jumped from. Even now, in the midst of the wind whipping at my fur, I could still smell her scent. 

Jacob said her jump was an accident, that she had just been looking for a rush. From viewing the contents of his mind, I knew it was true... or at least, that it was the "truth" he believed.  _I_  didn't believe it. From his mind, I had also seen how distraught she had been after her leeches left. And considering her history of being selfish and reckless... It was easy to put two and two together. 

She had been trying to kill herself. If Jacob hadn't intervened, she would've succeeded.

I looked down at the waves again, suddenly skeptical. Would she have? I mean, the drop wasn't deadly. We jumped from here all the time in the summer when the waters were calm. But hadn't she jumped in a storm, when the waves were rough? And she was so tiny and frail, too... It wouldn't really take that much to knock her off.

 _What would it take for_   _me?_

The thought that crossed through my own mind shocked me, but it settled easily, like it had been expected all along. I realized I didn't blame Bella as much as I should. I  _envied_  her.

 _What would it take for me to die?_  I wondered.

Now that I was a werewolf, I was considerably more resilient. I healed very fast, and I could endure so much more... But I was, at the end of the day,  _mortal_. I  _could_  be killed.

But what would it take?

I leaned over again, to take another glance at the thrashing waves.

Would  _that_  be enough? If I gave up, and let the waves do what they would? If I let them drag me out to sea?

How easy death would be. There would be no more mornings where I tried to think of reasons to get out of bed and coming up empty handed. There would be no more days to fight just to survive. There would be no more nights that I had to suffer through, knowing I didn't want to come out the other side.

No more pack. No more  _Sam_. No more  _Emily_.

No more thinking about how Dad would still be alive if I hadn't been a  _freak_.

Pain crashed onto me like the waves on the rocks below. My whimper was lost in the wind. 

I had tried my best to avoid that thought for so many days, but I couldn't do it anymore. Though I had tried so hard to find another reason, another person to blame—the Cullens, Bella, Sam—that wasn't the real reason Dad had died. 

He died because  _I_  had transformed. 

He had been  _that_  surprised that his daughter had transformed. He hadn't been expecting it. It wasn't supposed to be possible. _This wasn't even supposed to happen!_

But it had happened. Because of me. Because I was a freak of nature.

My whimpering was constant now, and I felt big thick tears roll down my muzzle.

 _I should jump,_  I thought.  _I should change back into a human and jump._

No more vampires. No more werewolves. No more voices in my head, voices who  _hated_  me for being there. For "dragging my girl stuff" into their heads, as they put it.

My fur melted away, reverting back to my normal skin. The wind was colder against my flesh, but I paid it no mind. I was too focussed on the waves below.

No more pain.

No more Leah.

_I would no longer exist._

My foot inched closer to the edge... but my thoughts were interrupted.

_But Mom would still exist. And Seth. They would exist and they would be devastated._

I took a step back from the edge. I couldn't leave Mom, not like this. Losing her husband, and then her daughter? She wouldn't be able to take it. And Seth needed her. He would be so lost, so broken without her... More so than he already was.

Another step back.

And, then, who would protect him in the pack? He was so young and headstrong. He could get himself hurt. He could get himself killed. And if I was gone, then mom would be completely alone.

_No._

I staggered a few more feet back.

And what about me? Do I actually want to go out as the pathetic ex-girlfriend who couldn't move on so she flung herself off a cliff? No. There had to be more to my story. There had to be way out.

The sea looked harmless now, though the waves still splattered themselves against the rocks with brutal force. It was because I knew that even if I did jump in, I wouldn't give up and sink. I would  _fight_  to return to the surface.

That's what I needed to do, I needed to fight. Not for Sam, not for the pack—screw all of them, and their macho chauvinistic bullshit—but for myself. For my family.

Mom needed me. Seth needed me.  _I_  needed me.

I returned to my wolf form and walked away from the cliff, headed home.

☾

As I neared the house, I noticed that Sam and Emily were no longer on the porch and the cars that had been shoved into every corner of the driveway were gone. Everyone must've gone home. It made sense. I had been gone for several hours.

Despite all my fuss about keeping my dignity, I was wearing sweatpants now. My run—harder and longer than my usual—had left me filthy, so I didn't want to get the dress I wore to dad's funeral dirty by putting it back on. Also, I didn't really care anymore. 

It was oddly serene.

Seth appeared almost out of thin air as I entered the house.

"Where have you been?" he asked. "Mom's been worried."

"I needed a run," I answered simply.

" _Mom_  needed you."

I paused, thinking of the resolution I made on the cliff face. "You're right. I'm sorry. I should've been here."

Seth narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He was obviously taken aback by my calm response."Leah? Is that really you?"

"Who else would it be?" I asked, but the words lacked their usual bite. "Where's Mom now?"

"Bed," Seth said, the usual spark in his eyes faltering for a brief moment. "She was tired."

"I'll go check on her before I take a shower," I said, stepping past him.

"Uh... Let me check on her," he said, jumping ahead of me again. "There's something I needed to tell her."

"Alright," I said, eyeing him curiously. "I'll just shower then."

"Actually... There's still a few guests in the living room. We shouldn't leave them alone. Can you keep them company?"

"Are you kidding?" I said, motioning to my matted hair and dirty pants. "I look like crap."

"They won't mind."

I sighed. Seth must've taken that as acceptance because he darted up the stairs. Damn brother... Why was he acting so shady? Annoyance stirred in me when I thought about going to make chit-chat when I looked like I had just crawled out of a swamp. 

My new-found serenity smothered the irritation.  _Who cares what I look like?_  I reminded myself as walked towards the living room. _Am who cares what they think of me?_

But my serenity faltered as I peered around the corner.

Sam and Emily were sitting on the couch, their heads were bowed together in quiet conversation once again. Seeing them like that, so effortlessly close, made my heart ache... But I easily dismissed the pain. It didn't matter anymore.

"Leah," Sam said as he caught sight of me. "There you are. Where have you been?"

I stepped into the living room, no longer willing to run away or hide. "I was just out at the cliffs, debating killing myself," I answered honestly. Why hide it? He would've plucked it out of my mind anyway, as soon as he turned into a wolf.

"What?" Emily gasped. She shifted in the seat, like she had wanted to get up but decided against it. "Are... Are you joking?"

I stared at her, my gaze unwavering. "No."

I could tell they saw the truth in my eyes. They sat in silence for a minute, their mouths hanging slightly open, before Emily burst into tears.

"I-I-I'm sorry, Leah!" she sobbed. "I'm so sorry, for everything. For everything! But especially for hurting you. I never meant to hurt you. It just... it just..."

"It just happened," I said, completing her sentence. "I know." 

I did, I truly did. I had seen it all play out in Sam's head. Werewolves don't get the choices everyone else does. I knew that now. But...

"But that doesn't stop it from  _hurting_ ," I finished after a moment.

Emily continued to cry, harder now. "I know..." she moaned. "I wish I could take it away, put everything back the way it was..."

"Is that true?" I asked. "Would you really return everything back to the way it was, if you could?"

Her choking sobs paused for a moment as she considered it. Then, as I expected, her eyes slid over to Sam.

To his credit, he kept a good poker face. He kept his face flat, but soft, like he only wanted what was best for her... But he couldn't bluff me. I saw the fraying edges, the tenseness in his jaw.

He was afraid of what she might say. Afraid she might say 'yes' and push him away for good.

But I knew Emily too. She was steadfast. Once she had committed to something, she had a difficult time giving it up. She stared at him a long while before turning back to me.

"No. No, I don't think I could," she said, in a whisper. She tried to be covert, but I saw her touch the simple gold band that encircled the finger on her left hand.

The pain rose up again. Though I had already known, it hurt to have it confirmed: she had chosen him over me. But, thankfully, my serenity stayed with me. It kept me grounded. It kept the flames low.

I nodded once, then turned to leave the room.

"Wait!" Emily had called for me.

I looked back over my shoulder.

They were both on their feet now. Sam had a solid grip on Emily's hand, and she was trying to pull herself away.

" _Please_ ," she begged him.

"It might not be safe!" he whispered back urgently. I watched as his gaze lingered on the scars on her face. The scars  _he_  had left.

"She won't hurt me," Emily insisted. "I know she won't."

 _Brave_ , I thought. But she was also right.

Finally, Sam, with one last pleading look—to her, then to me—released her. She turned in my direction and rushed forward.

"L-Leah," she started, her voice fluttery and weak. "So much has changed in this past year... Of all the things I've had to accept—" she glanced back at Sam, "—to adapt to—" her fingers traced the scars on her cheek, "—I think that losing  _you_  has been the hardest."

A knot wound itself in my throat. I didn't answer.

She continued on. "I know it's been hard for you. I know that some of it, a  _lot_  of it, is my fault, and I'm so, so, so sorry, Leah. And I hope—pray—that one day, you can forgive me. Do you... Do you think that might be something... you... could... do?" The last word was barely a squeak.

I looked at her, staring down at the person I had once considered a sister. She looked so small, so frail now... Though I was nowhere near Sam or Jacob's height, I wasn't exactly  _dainty_  now. If I wanted to, I could easily crush her whether I was a wolf or not.

But I wouldn't. What was the point in causing her—or him, or  _anyone_ —pain? It wouldn't take my own pain away.

Only time could do that.

"Maybe one day," I said, then turned and walked away.

**THE END**

☾

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's my—and Leah's and Emily's—story. I hope you liked it. There was just so much that could be filled in from what Stephenie wrote, and I wanted to give them the justice of a full story.
> 
> I hoped you liked it!
> 
> I may continue this story, post Breaking Dawn, to focus more on Leah's life afterwards.


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